A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:hi i'll keep this as short as i can,three years ago my father inlaw died.my wife of sixteen years took it really bad and started drinking.my father inlaw left her a substantial amount of money .when this came to her she got progressivley worse.things got so bad that i had to leave the house a year ago.our son who is seventeen will not leave his mother,for which i have great respect.he is doing really well at school despite the problems at home.my wife starts drinking as soon as she gets out of bed and continues throughout the day until she falls asleep.she has had countless accidents the most recent being a fall down the stairs which resulted in a broken wrist.i cannot remember how many times i have taken her to a and e.she has also tried to take an overdose a number of times so she is becoming a real danger to herself.i am really concerned about her and our son.i am now being treated for nerves and depression.i cannot get her sober to talk to her and when she is drunk she is abusive towards me so i have to leave or hang up the phone.she is now a registered alcoholic,has been in rehab three times,attends AA when she is sober enough to go.she is now incapable of looking after herself,our son,the house,she does,nt open her mail so the debts are mounting up.my main concern is that she is going to kill herself.as you can probably imagine there are a lot more issues but it would take forever to write the whole cenario.i know i'm not the only person to end up in this situation so any advice or suggestions would be much appreciated
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female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (6 June 2010):
 Hi. I am an alcoholic too. We drink because we can not deal with our emotions. Alcohol is our way of not thinking about what is happening. There is nothing you can do to make her understand that. She needs professional help and you do too. In order for you to understand what your role is/should be in this situation, you need to talk to other family members of alcoholics. Alanon is a great place to start. You might feel strange or out of place at the begining, but just try to seat and listen. Try to identify yourself with other family members. Learn about alcoholism. Take your son too if he is willing to go.
When and if she decides to get better, you will better equiped to help if you have the information you need.
I have been sober for four years. She can get sober too.
I will share with you the Serenity Prayer:
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
You can not change she is an alcoholic. You can not make her stop drinking. You can, however, learn and grow as much as you can, so you are able to help her if she needs you!
I hope you can get through this!! Hugs.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi thank you for your replies,they were very helpful.these are the things that my councillor tells me to do but it is difficult when you still love the person involved.because our son still lives there i cannot disconect myself from her as i need to be available for him if he needs me.thank you once again for your replies,they gave me a lift today when i read them.
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A
female
reader, Ich_liebe_dich  +, writes (24 May 2010):
 I agree 100% to Auntie E. No matter what you do you will always power less in this case. The only thing now you must do is to look after your son. don't let your self and your son go down into depression just trying to help her. No body can help her but only her self. sometimes person's only wake up when they already hit the bottom. Until she hit her head through the big wall she will not wake up, let her hit the bottom rock. Life must go on if somebody want to let their life suffer it is not you who must be blame. you help already enough. this time you have to focus on your son and to your self. Good luck
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A
female
reader, Auntie E  +, writes (23 May 2010):
 In my opinion YOUR SON should be your man concern. Not her. Let her hit bottom - she is the only one who can see her way out or not. Not you. If you have AA in your country try going to Al-anon to help you learn how to deal with her and yourself. Your boy is the most important player in this whole thing. He needs you more than you know.
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