A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Here's my situation.Both myself and the girl I am dating are christian. We believe strongly in long term relationships, ones that seriously could someday grow into feelings of marriage. For the first time in my life, I have found a girl special enough to peruse with the eventual goal of marriage. Someone special enough to share my life with. She on the other hand has dated in the past and no relationship has lasted longer than a few months. She finally feels the need for change and sees the same views I have. She is now looking for a long term relationship as am I. We have been together for about a month and a half now, just getting started. Things are going great, progressing extremely well. However, there is a problem that has come about.She has another male friend that she has known for a year or so. He has been giving her "advice and tips" on her dating. She listens intently, and I can't stand it. He has outright said he doesn't like our relationship and never supported it in the first place. I'm not really sure of their past, but he knew her while she was in her previous relationship. He was friends with the guy, and gave advice to both of them. The relationship ended badly and I can't help but worry it was because of his interventions (he's not exactly experienced or good in the area). He said that he thought she needed time to find herself and figure out exactly what she wants in life. That's why he doesn't like our being together. He said she broke her "promise to be single for a while" that she made after she got out of her previous one. I get the feeling all of this was his suggestion in the first place.I get that he's looking out for her. Like a brother to her. But I don't like his advice, his getting in the way, or him as a person. As a christian, that is hard for me to say about someone, but I truly feel he is misguided in stepping in the way he does. She listens, I can't tell her to stop. She doesn't see anything wrong with him. She always has this depressed look after talking to him and it bothers me.She has told me that there is nothing to worry about, that he can't make us separate. But I still worry and wonder. I worry that he will subconsciously plant things in her mind. She won't realize it, and she will end up unhappy again.I should add that he is a christian as well. He fills his life with God, which is a great thing. He wants to share that. He constantly thinks I'm pulling her from God. Which I pray is not the case, and if it is, I will do everything in my power to help her get back on track. He said that even though he did not support us getting together, there is no point in pulling us apart, and he will try to help clean up the problems that there are, like a musician picking apart a song to make it better. But I still don't know. And I worry.What do I do now?
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female
reader, jitterbug +, writes (24 March 2010):
 I would ask her how she would feel if she knew you were discussing your R issues with another woman---one who has already expressed disapproval of the R.
The breach of privacy would bother me.
I think it's a good rule of thumb to never discuss relationship issues with someone who could be a potential alternative to your significant other.
If you need to discuss things with a third party, I believe it's best to make sure it's a neutral, unbiased party----with no vested interst in the outcome.
A
male
reader, mr toyboy  +, writes (24 March 2010):
Sit her down and tell her you dont like her closeness to that guy and try to make her understand its not healthy for your relationship.If she really loves you, she wont let someone come between the both of you.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (24 March 2010):
 It appears that he is like a mentor to her and there is nothing you can do about their relationship.She looks up to him.
All you can do is not to antagonize him and walk a straight road. He may disagree now and then with what you do with your g/f but the ultimate decision lies with your g/f.
Try to accommodate her views and walk that extra mile for her.
If you are meant to be together , no one can pull you apart.
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