A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:me and my boyfriend have been together for about 2 years now. we have done pretty much everything in bed. except anal, he has asked to before, and says he wants to try it, so we tried. and i find it hurts way to bad.we have tried on more than one occasion.i want to do it to make him happy and i dont want to seem like im ignoring his wants and needs. why can other girls do it and it hurts so bad for me? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2011): maybe the both of you can talk over it and it could yield positive result
A
female
reader, sugarplum101  +, writes (24 September 2009):
You should never ever do anything that hurts you to please someone else. If your boyfriend is insensitive to your pain institute a you do it first policy. Buy a dildo and tell him to lube up. However if you would like to have pain free anal sex, and perhaps even enjoy it, you should follow these steps. If your boyfriend isn't willing to take the time to follow these steps then he doesn't deserve your trying so hard to please him. 1. Wash very thoroughly, when you feel clean and confident you will be more relaxed. 2. Get very turned on. Petting, kissing, foreplay, oral sex. You should be very wet and aroused. A woman can have multiple orgasms and stay turned on for a long time. You will be more relaxed and able to tolerate more pressure without pain if you are turned on. Just like when you are really into the sex and want it a little rougher or harder. 3. Get your lube out, get comfortable and start by rimming yourself. Take your finger, get it lubed up and run your finger over your anus, dipping it in a little with pressure. Apply more and more pressure until you can slide your finger inside. Use lots and lots of lube. Do this yourself. You control the pressure, the speed, the angle. You can feel it, your boyfriend can't. Get good and comfortable with your finger. Maybe even use two. Get Lube all the way up inside and masturbate with your other hand so that you stay aroused. 3. You may want to spend some time with a small dildo before you take on your boyfriends penis. Trust me he is enjoying watching you. Have him touch you and caress you while you do this so that you are both engaged in the sex. 4. When you do let your boyfriend enter your ass, lay on your back. You hold his penis and control the angle it enters and how fast and how deep. Take the lesson you learned with your finger and dildo and go slow and easy. Work it in there slowly.5. The secret to anal sex is to realize that the sphincter is a muscle. If you push out a little you loosen up the muscle and his penis can slide more easily and it will hurt you less. I would recommend practicing with your finger perhaps when you are alone so that you can experiment with this muscle without being embarrassed. Once you learn to relax this muscle not only will anal sex not be painful but many women do actually enjoy it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2008): You'll get through the pain with practice. It is a sacrifice you'll make for him in the beginning. Get him to agree to doing something for you and you'll agree to continue trying every few days, until the pain is minimal. Back then, my boyfriend would buy me small presents (clothing, perfume, etc) each time we tried again. This way I could keep my head into making it happen. These days, it just slides right in and I very rarely have bleeding.
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A
female
reader, fallingapart3 +, writes (25 July 2008):
 I've tried too.. It does hurt, but it shouldn't if your doing it right. Did he get all the way in? If he did what were his reactions. Use alot of lube, if should just slide right in.
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A
female
reader, BurstMyBubble x  +, writes (23 July 2008):
 Hun, if having anal sex hurts then stop. Talk to your boyfriend and he will understand. Maybe in the future you could try it again but for now id keep it of the list.
Take care x
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A
female
reader, scrazy +, writes (22 July 2008):
 Honey, if it hurts you, then don't bother to keep trying it. Neither of you are enjoying it and I'm sure your boyfriend isn't getting his kicks out of hurting you.
If you tell him, you don't want to keep trying, he should be understanding that you also have wants and needs too. He'll be able to respect your decision.
There are other ways to have sex, I'm sure he'll be okay.
XO
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (22 July 2008):
 If you are talking porn, then it is because they pre-stretch with dildo's of increasing size. Also, the women are acting.
Also not all women are build the same, perhaps some got fewer nerves or looser muscles or just respond differently to pain.
If it really hurts, you really shouldn't do it. Pain is a warning signal, listen to your body.
As a male, I would tell you, "grit your teeth and prepare to squeel!" but as a human being I would say "love means not asking your partner to do something that makes them cry out in pain".
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male
reader, TheVirg +, writes (22 July 2008):
I don't know anything about anal sex, but if you want it to stop... poo on him once and say you couldn't hold back. that will keep him from ever wanting to doing it again, then blame it on him for making a mess lol.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2008): My girlfriend and I do anal occasionally (once every other month) and have been now for about two years. At first she found it quite painful but kept it from me until at one point she cried. This happened because we where doing it all wrong, no lube, her on her front and me controlling the depth and speed.
Once she cried I knew it was hurting her and started to look up ways of making it less painful for her. The above advice about lube is all good and should be followed.
One problem that I ran into with lube is that my girlfriend was fine with the idea of my penis in her anus but not comfortable at all with the idea of A) putting her finger up her anus to lube it up or B) me touching her anus to lube it up. This led to problems as the only lube in the equasion was on my penis which (beause of the tightness of the area) stayed mainly around the rim of her anus. It is important to be completely comfortable about this body part before you try to have sex with it.
Another thing that needs to be said is that you can't just shove it in and expect it to not hurt; it needs some sort of warm-up before intercourse can start and remember, the better the warm-up the less pain there will be. If your boyfriend really likes anal sex then he'll probably enjoy helping you warm-up almost as much as the actual sex and if you can wind him up enough while warming-up the sex will probably take less time.
One thing that the above answers haven't mentioned is possition. Anal sex in the doggy possition is probably the most painful as the guy can get much deeper, this possition shouldn't be tried until you are both experianced in anal sex; the same is true for any entry from the rear. Unexperianced couples should definately do anal in the missionary possition with the girls hand around the penis guiding it and making sure that it doesn't go in too far or fast, you only have to rip it a little in there for the sex to be ruined.
By using sex toys such as plugs you can get the anus quite used to sex and even start to enjoy it. My girlfriend is used to it now, the pain is gone and now we even do it from behind pain free. On rare occasions she may have an orgasm this way but don't expect to like it as much as normal sex.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2008): Just say no, some women just don't like it and never will. So if your old enough to have a sexual relationship, be old enough to say no or your have huge problems in the future like you do now
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2008): Anal hurts alot especially when you are new to it. The thing is for you to make sure that you use ALOT of lubricant. Try water based ones as oil warms up and can cause a burning sensation. Also wear a condom (even if you don't for normal sex)! He should use soooo much lubricant and then start off very slowly with you. He cannot just expect you to be used to it immediately. Talk to him, tell him you are willing to try but he has to take it very slow with you until the you no longer feel pain!! Also ITS VERY IMPORTANT TO RELAX as he enters... I know its hard but try.. minimises the pain. Good luck...xx
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female
reader, love is trust +, writes (22 July 2008):
At your tender age I think pleasing a boy should be the last thing on your mind. But since it's not I really think you should talk to him and explain that you do love him but having anal sex really hurts in you really don't want to do it anymore. Hopefully he'll understand and respect your decision.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2008): it does hurt an the only time i did it and it didnt hurt was with a man with a little willy - just dont do it any more
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2008): Simple answer, it does hurt them, unless they use lots of lubrication..
The stimulation is alot less effective for women than vaginal penetration so I doubt many women really recieve much pleasure from this type of intercorse either way because their G-spot is not as close to the anus as in men.
(unless said females are transsexual and still have male interior organs)
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2008): Honey, it hurts for most of us. Use lots of lube and try different positions to make yourself comfortable. And if you're in pain, stop, because you can seriously hurt yourself.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2008): What other girls? Porn actresses? It hurts them, surely, but they get paid a heck of a lot of money, so they have to act like they're on Cloud 9!
Now, if you personally know other girls that aren't hurt by it, it could be due to several reasons... One, they've done it a lot of times so they've grown used to the feeling. Two, you have tighter muscles around your anus. Three, they may have been more relaxed... if you don't like the idea of anal and aren't turned on by it don't do it, because unless you're relaxed you'll hurt 10x more!
Also, you need LOTS of lubricant... the anus isn't a place to insert things, so it doesn't lubricate itself like the vagina, the anus is dry, so it's ESPECIALLY IMPORTANT to lubricate it before inserting anything, otherwise you'll tear the delicate walls of it.
I don't really like anal sex. It gives me no pleasure. But I've heard of girls who like it. You'd have to try it. But make it safe. Always wear a condom! It's a place with lots of bacteriae that can infect your boyfriend and YOU. So be safe. And remember, lube!
However, if you find it too painful, then just stop trying. Do't force yourself to do something painful. I understand you want to please your boyfriend, but there are other ways, and I'm sure he wouldn't leave you if you can't fulfill this fantasy. If he did, then he is not worth it. And I'm also 100% sure that the least he wants when having sex, is for you to be in pain. NO BOYFRIEND GETS PLEASURE WHEN HER GIRLFRIEND IS IN PAIN! I'm sure he'd understand...
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