A
female
age
30-35,
*3AF
writes:This question just popped into my head after thinking about a situation at least five or six years ago.A long-distance male friend of mine and I were talking about sex (we were in middle school at the time). He's been very sexually active for years, including then. We were talking about what we have done, wanted to do and by when, and didn't want to do ever. He had mentioned before that he wanted us to have sex but I was a virgin (still am, although still sexually experienced if you know what I mean). Almost to impress him I told him some explicit stuff I "wanted" to do even though I had no plans on doing any of them and didn't particularly want to do most of them.Now, to this day, he thinks we're going to have sex the next time we see each other. He really wants to and is under the assumption I want to even though I'm pretty sure I've made it clear I have no intentions of the sort. He knows I'm still a virgin but do you think what I said then could have any bearing on why he thinks this?
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female
reader, 13AF +, writes (22 July 2008):
13AF is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the thoughts. Just to make myself clear, I couldn't have been more than 14 when this occured (probably 12 or 13). I was naive and don't consider myself as naive anymore. I realize I should set him straight, we just don't have contact that often. I've also tried to tell him I don't want him in the past. Thank you both again for the thoughts about why he feels this way and how I've led him along. I don't doubt that I led him on then, I was just wondering if the ramblings of a young person could be the reason he feels this way still. You both have addressed that and I appreciate it.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2008): Why not just be honest instead of trying to impress him?
He thinks you secretly want him, cant blame him for that because otherwise why would you describe sexual fantasies and try to impress him?
Can it be you really want this guy but stop yourself because you are waiting for that special someone or saving yourself for marrige?
If the answer is yes, I think this may be why he thinks you will surrender to his charm and appeal.
If the answer is no and you are simply not attracted to him at all maybe consider letting him know that in detail, if he really been with so many women he would understand.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2008): You're a virgin describing your sexual fantasies to him, you can't blame him for getting the wrong idea really. You said it to impress him, and now he's impressed, I'd say he'd definitely think he is in with a chance.
I think maybe you should make things clear to him, as it seems like you have inadvertently started to lead him along. If you don't I think when you do next meet up, it will either be a huge disappointment to him, or it will be very awkward time between you both and it could also ruin your friendship.
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