A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Did I overreact? My fiancé and I have seperate places. He has an apartment with roommates as do I. One of his roommates rubs me the wrong way. She's a girl. One time he invited me over to cook me dinner for a date indoors. As he was preparing our plates she kept commenting how lovely it looked and pouting that she wanted some. Yes, pouting. He kept telling her several times as politely as he could that this meal was for me. I didn't understand why he felt the need to explain himself or why she wouldn't back off and let him entertain me without intruding. She helps herself to anything that is his. From toothpaste, to food, to anything. She has a lack of boundaries and a sense of entitlement to him or anything that is his.Every time we've hung out with her, all she talks about is boys and guys she's slept with. I understand they developed a friendship while they were both single but I don't talk about my sex life with my guy friends. And I feel that she does to draw attention to herself. It's all she talks about. In detail.One time we were watching tv, some reality tv of people in a competition and I said jokingly, "I think I could do that." She instantly replied, "you should go on that tv show. Me and (your fiance) will watch you all the time." I looked at my fiancé and could tell he was really annoyed with her as the insinuation was ludicrous and inappropriate. One time he and I got back to his place late at night and she immediately came out of her room and said to him, "I'm so glad you're home, I was wondering when you'd be back. Where've you been?" In a tone like if she was his wife waiting for his arrival. My roommates don't wait up for me. Why does she?One time I was telling a story about something or other and I mentioned how I was trying to get ahold of my fiancé to no avail (cause he was working) and she quickly replied, "ooh, he didn't answer his phone..that's a little weird. Was he with another girl?" Acting "jokingly" suspicious but trying to plant a seed in my head to raise suspicion in me about him. It didn't work. The only thing it caused was for me to become suspicious of her and her intentions. He cut himself one time and immediately she was scurrying about to get him a band aid like it was her job and not mine. I feel like she's always trying to undermine my role and place in his life. When she is around us, I just always feel like she says or does things to try to make her presence and importance in his life appear more important than mine. And to try to make me feel insecure. My fiancé knows how I feel, he's 1000% on board with me, and has put her in her place a couple of times. He and I are doing great. He'll be moving out very soon (we're moving in together), in the meantime I still have to see her occasionally. And so I was wondering, by what I've described, am I wrong to dislike her? And why is she acting this way? Does she like him? I'm not mean to her but I've become extremely curt with her as has he. He no longer hangs with her in a friendly way. We've since cut her out.
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (4 August 2016):
 I do agree with llifton, if their friendship was like this before you appeared in his life. Unless it's FWB, most friendships shouldn't change that much just because there's a new partner on the scene. Were they like this before and it's just since he's been taken that you (and he) are uncomfortable with it?I don't think she means it maliciously, so whilst I do think you have every right to dislike her, I think it's a waste of your energy and she's not actually doing any harm.At worst, she's being immature, but she may just see how much she's lost her friend since he's had you and now he's moving out, so she's trying to hang on.
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (4 August 2016):
 Some roommates like her can't pick up social quos when to bow out, mind their own business or keep their mouth shut... Yes she's looking for attention which basically says she's immature, lonely, going to miss him when he goes and or is jealous of what you have.
In all your fiancé has handled the situation very well and be that he's 1000% on board, and moving out soon etc. I don’t see the need to dislike her (or anyone) given in perspective; she’s embarrassing herself like an attention seeking child for goodness sake… it’s not as if she attempted to give him a lap dance in front of you because that would be a fair reason to dislike her with a passion?
Her inappropriate pouting, boasting, and joking are just her immature behaviour acting out; 'as if' that’s going to entice your fiancés heart away from you and in her direction? Talk about intentions gone wrong!
I say enjoy life without her, be done with her and wish her well
Take Care – CAA
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2016): Pathetic girl, thank God you're moving in together soon. I think your fiance probably needed to be less subtle much earlier on and tell her straight that she's acting weird, and said out right "do you have a crush on me or something? You're acting really odd and it's making me and my fiancee feel awkward watching you act like you are my mother or something" because calling her out and making it cringe would've probably shut her up. I'm glad your fiance has cut her out and doesn't treat her like a friend any more etc... All the signs from him.ate good and that's all that matters. She just sounds pretty jealous - and a real friend wouldn't be jealous, they'd be pleased for each other and at least he's seen that.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (4 August 2016):
 Can't really add to anything to what most of the aunts have said.
Just ignore her and it's good that you're boyfriend has taken a stand in this situation. Moreover, he's moving out soon so you won't be seeing anymore of her. If you ask me, she sounds needy and lonely. Asking for food.. Come on!! That's pretty sad really! No one with any self respect would do that.
She desperately wants what you have in the relationship and even if she lives in a make-believe world where she can get some of it by playing the imaginary wife, that's good enough for her. She's seen what a good boyfreind your guy is and can't help wanting some of that.
Yes, it's enough to make anyone angry, but more than that, just pity her. That doesn't mean that you should go back to being good to her or anything, no; just remember, she's got nothing compared to you and is just a sad, lonely creature who desperately wants attention at any cost.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue +, writes (4 August 2016):
 No, she sounds like a pain in the bum. Whats cool above the whole thing is that your bf thinks so too. You my dear girl have NOTHING to worry about. she will be not much more than a 'remember THAT girl' memory when you guys move in together.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue +, writes (4 August 2016):
No, she sounds like a pain in the bum. Whats cool above the whole thing is that your bf thinks so too. You my dear girl have NOTHING to worry about. she will be not much more than a 'remember THAT girl' memory when you guys move in together.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (4 August 2016):
 hmmm this is an interesting one. I have to say that I somewhat do see where you're coming from. However, I also see the other side of this and have had friends who are somewhat in her shoes.
This is my take.
You say that she has a sense of entitlement to everything that's his. It makes me wonder, how long were they friends/roommates before you came into the picture? And how close were they? As someone who values my close friends more than life itself, I see her perspective. Maybe before you came into his life, they had that type of relationship with one another and she's merely behaving how she's used to behaving with him. Maybe she was allowed to help herself to his things and he hers. So she's expecting their friendship to remain the same now despite the fact that he has a fiancé.
You also mention that she talks about her sex life in front of you guys. I see nothing wrong with this at all, as that's what friends do, isn't it? At least my friends do. Just because she has a vagina and not a penis doesn't suddenly mean that she is not allowed to talk about sex to him. If she were a guy, you'd surely have no problem with this. Her being a female threatens you. But that, to me, almost solidifies that she sees herself like "one of the guys" with him, and sees nothing wrong with shooting the shit about sex with him. And once again, since they were friends before you, they may well have always spoken to each other in this manner well before you came along. In fact, I'm willing to bet that they did.
I also see nothing wrong with the TV comment nor with asking where he's been. I have two other roommates and the girl I'm seeing would never feel threatened with either of them saying or asking anything like this. I have a roommate that asks all the time where I've been, and I ask the same. The reason? Because we are very close friends and have always asked each other these questions. And that wouldn't stop simply because one of us got into a relationship. That seems completely normal to me.
As for her sarcastic remark about him being with another woman when you couldn't reach him, I honestly would guess her saying that wasn't to make you jealous, but was, however, to poke fun at your obvious insecurities. I'm sure she can tell you don't like her and was making an under-handed comment about the jealousy she perceives you having of other girls.
The girl I'm seeing now is currently in the exact shoes of his roommate, and so I have that opposite perspective in this situation. What is happening in her situation is that she has been friends with her guy friend for about 6 or 7 years, and they always spent a ton of time together and were really close. She's gay, mind you, so they never dated or had a sexual relationship at all. Purely just friends. However, once he began seeing the woman he's now engaged to, he was suddenly not allowed to be friends with her at all in the same way he was before their relationship. They weren't allowed to talk about sex anymore, she wasn't allowed to drink with him or go to his place alone with him or vice versa. In fact, she basically said he wasn't allowed to be friends with her at all anymore because the tiniest bit of nonsense made her jealous (because she's a very pretty girl). So they have basically had to stop being friends and stop talking altogether because his fiancé couldn't handle it.
And I hear how upset she is at the loss of one of her closest friends. She's not even allowed at the wedding. Talk about a slap in the face. She doesn't have ulterior motives. She just wants to hang out with her buddy. That's it. And I think it's absurd she's not allowed to.
I honestly don't see anything here that leads me to believe she's up to no good. Asking for some food, using some of his stuff, and talking about sex doesn't lead me to believe anything is going on other than the fact that she views your fiancé as a really close friend.
Either way, he's moving out soon anyway, so you won't have to deal with her for much longer anyway.
Sorry if this isn't what you want to hear, but I'm a firm believer that friendships should never change just simply because you get into a relationship. That's just me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2016): You are not wrong to dislike her, not one single person gets on with everyone they meet, but your attitude towards her is important. Even though you don't like her ,I can understand why as she sounds a bit desperate, it doesn't mean you have to show it, be civil, I'm not suggesting you would be rude or unkind but you won't have to see her for much longer so don't leave with her disliking you as she sounds like the sort of person that wouldn't let you live it down.
Hope you are well
From your friend
The agony aunt x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2016): I wouldnt speak to her at all other than to ask her why she hasn't 'managed' to get a long term boyfriend. She is doing all you have described to undermine you and your relationship. She sees something good and wants it for herself. No boundaries but that's deliberate. Does she target married men? She seems the type to in the future. I hope you show your fiance these answers. He seems pretty switched on to me which is good news.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 August 2016):
 She is jealous of your relationship, while she might (or might not) want to date your BF - she DOES want a guy to fuss over he and have what you two have. Obviously she doesn't.
And she is trying to "insert" herself in to your relationship most likely because she feels as a room-mate they know each other better than you and he does. That she somehow has a higher "priority" that you.
She is trying to show him in no subtle way that SHE is a better choice than you. You have a good fiance who have told her off and then cut down the hang out time. So it's all good.
And she knows he prefers you, and she doesn't like it. But you know what? TOUGH cookies!
Is it OK to not like her? Sure it is. I'd probably want not spend any time at his place just to avoid her.
At LEAST you two have a silver lining, he will be moving out soon.
Just be polite but don't engage her in conversations if you can avoid it. Like when you were talking about the TV show, when she said you should do and she and he would watch you together, you could have told her... :" I wasn't talking to you". Like an adult would to a kid that butts in.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (3 August 2016):
To be honest, I think she's lonely and just wants to be important to someone. She needs attention and he's the closest she's got, not to mention that she'll soon need a new roommate (you've told her that, right? She needs adequate time to find one).
You have every right to dislike her because she's being silly, but it sounds like she's not necessarily doing it to steal him, she's just jealous and has nobody else to focus her attention on.
You'll both be free of it soon, so don't worry.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (3 August 2016):
 No not at all, she sounds very inappropriate. It's good to see that your boyfriend puts her in her place because I've read lots of similar stories on here where the bf is too scared to say anything as they didn't want to ruffle any feathers.
It is possible that she could be attracted to him, it sounds a little little she might be the way she fusses over him and what not. Doesn't sound like you've got anything to worry about though.
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (3 August 2016):
 I think you already answered and solved your own questions! Moving out the best answer and avoiding her right now is the best solution while you wait to get a new place together.
Shes just a bratty girl and let her have it. When shes around make sure you guys continue to love and support each other when shes there (hug, look in each other eyes, hold hands, just say very kind things to each other). this will make her feel stupid for thinking she can say or do things to weaken your relationship with your SO. He sounds like a great guy btw!
Relax, continue to be loving and e3verything will fall into place. GOod luck on the new place too!=)
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