A
male
age
51-59,
*amonB65
writes:My wife is a bilingual ed teacher here in our home state. She took a recent job-related trip to Mexico to finish a certification she needs as a teacher in multiple languages. While there, she and her coworkers also had time to go out drinking and dancing, and apparently had a great time.My problem is that I feel like she got too close with some of the men while she was out with her friends. I have never had a problem with her nights out while at home, but she has admitted that men in Mexico are more aggressive that men here at home. I do not like the idea that she was out being hit on and dancing with guys who let their hands wander. Many of them also insisted on buying drinks for her as well and commented on her night-out clothes, which bothers me, but she was fine with it.Am I wrong to be mad about this? She feels that I am being intolerant of another culture. She also has several friends taking her side on this including one friend of mine. Do I just feel this way because she was away from home? Was this just a good experience for her to have? I am sorry if I sound intolerant and do not intend disrespect to people from other cultures, but I feel no one has taken my side on this.
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male
reader, Jonty23  +, writes (15 April 2010):
This sounds like good old fashioned jealousy. This is normal - and there is nothing wrong with that.
However - you have to consider:
1. Would she feel the same way if roles were reversed?
2. Is it just that you feel put out because she had a good time without you?
3. Has anything happened since to set alarm bells ringing?
Basically - from what you are saying - a normal twinge of jealousy is being blown up into something else...
If everything else is fine - I suggest you put it behind you - go out dancing together - cook her a meal - make her feel special and appreciated.
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (15 April 2010):
 Well you can be angry all you want but its not going to change the situation now is it! What you are upset about is that all this happened when she was so far away, hence you feel completely out of control in the situation. When your partner is in close proximity you feel like you have some control over the situation as you know the area well hence you can judge the risks, you will probably know the place she has gone to hence will know what that sort of place is like, plus you know she will be coming home to you at the end of the night. Whereas when she is in a foreign country you will have felt helpless and out of control, and it will have brought out any insecurities you have.
At the end of the day what actually happened on this night out? Someone bought her a drink? Someone told her she looked nice in her outfit that evening? She danced with a few guys?
To me that really sounds insignificant, she did not kiss any of these men, she did not sleep with them, she did not cheat in any way with these men. She had a good night out and some men happened to be there who bought her a drink and told her she looked nice. Big deal. You should take it as a compliment that your wife is so attractive that other men compliment her! If you trust your wife at home then you should trust her when she goes abroad, after all if she has never done anything to violate your trust in her then there is no need to get mad at her for the behaviour of men whom she cannot control. She cannot stop someone from complimenting her, she cant help it if somone wanted to buy her a drink - she is just an attractive woman by the sounds of things that attracts attention from the opposite sex yet she does not act upon this attention she receives. That to me is the sign of a great woman - someone who can handle a compliment or attention from men without letting it go to her head and act upon their interest in her. Many women are so flattered when they receive attention from men that they will cheat on their partners just because some guy in a bar came on to them. So you should feel lucky you have such an attractive, restrained wife!
I dont really think you have any right to be mad about this, it is not going to acheive anything by being angry so just let it go. Your wife has done nothing wrong, these are just your issues that you are projecting onto her.
Sorry if this not want you want to hear - maybe this is just a male/female thing where you will only get men taking your side!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, Dekten  +, writes (15 April 2010):
I think your feelings are 100% understandable. For one, she went to a country that appears in the news as violent and dangerous. Secondly, men were apparently hitting on her and you weren't even there to stop it.Thing is: for her, the trip was about the things she saw, the things she learned, etc. For her, as a woman, things like male caveman-psychology don't come into play.So if you continue to stress this "one little point", she'll close up on you, which is *definitely* not what you want.Do something nice with her... ask about other aspects of the trip... let her talk to you about how she experienced it. And then try to get it out of your mind.It's one of the harder parts of being a man... and you're not the only one dealing with it, trust me on that one.
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