A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend of over2years didn't buy me a birthday card last week.She wanted to but didnt - for lack of money.Next week she went and spent her money on socialising.I would have apreciated a hand written bit of paper.It's 'the thought that counts' - no?Am I wrong?Am I deluding myself ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2008): Well, I think not getting you a card is a small infraction...it may be that she has a different value system surrounding birthdays, maybe they aren't celebrated in her family of origin, or maybe she thinks a birthday card is dumb or that once you are past the age of 12, bithdays are no big deal...maybe she did not take into consideration your feelings because she doesn't really get it and that spending time with you is what she assumes you value...not because it was her intention to be selfish and snub you. She could be embarassed at showing her committment to you even with something as basic as a card, some people are like this...you have to determine what kind of girl you have here, you have to be the detective and figure it out, not us.
I think you have to ask yourself if this is a battle you want to win, or do you want to be happy?
If you did not appreciate her lack of getting you a card, then tell her so, be an adult, it was your feelings that were hurt, not hers, tell her how you felt about it and why and ask her what she was thinking making an excuse that she did not have enough money for it....further you can't constantly be thinking that she should not spend her money how she wants even if it is socializing and you don't agree, it is her money for now and you don't have any say so in the matter unless it comes to her sharing the bill for something you do together..
What is at stake here is your friendship and how well both of your needs are being met, if she does not have as much to offer you as you think you deserve then perhaps she is not the girl for you.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (25 January 2008):
 I think you have every right to be annoyed. Was the thought - I'll have more beer money if I don't get my boyfriend a card? It's not the money, it's the fact that she didn't make you a priority and she hurt your feelings. As Taste of India has said, I certainly hope she helped you celebrate your birthday. I don't think that you can get past this unless you discuss it with her. Happy Birthday - Many Happy Returns!
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (24 January 2008):
 Before I answer this, did she at least help you celebrate your birthday? If you spent time together on that day and had fun and she wished you a very happy birthday and gave you some kisses, then I would say that you ought to forgive her for this. My boyfriend and I are in pretty frugal financial situations, so we haven't been able to exchange gifts for a long time. But we always spend time with each other on the special occasions and make sure it's special in other ways.
However, if nothing happened on your birthday and she used not having money as an excuse to blow off your birthday, then you're right. It was a pretty selfish and inconsiderate move to not even write you out a little card or call you up or anything.
Happy birthday, and I hope that this incident with your girlfriend heals and you are able to enjoy each other once again.
xx India
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2008): You have a right to feel peeved over this. Thats very selfish. In all fairness like she could of even asking her parents or siblings for a loan to get a card.
Valentines day is coming up soon. Dont get her anything!! See how she likes it.
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A
female
reader, tess7444  +, writes (24 January 2008):
I think it was terrible of her.I myself would of dumped my boyfriend if he had not bothered and then spent it on socialising.I even nealy dumped my boyfriend because he brought me a $9.95 cd last year for my birthday.I'm having problems still, but I just read your story and thought you deserve better than that.I say talk to her about it and let her know how disgusted you are.She needs to wake up to herself.good luck with it all, I always remember this saying "you teach people how to treat you".Don't stand for it.
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A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (24 January 2008):
 Hi there,
You can find free e-cards on the internet, so I want
to ask, what is the thought? Are you sure there is not some underlining hostility here, or is this the way she normally behaves? What's up? This is a minor infraction, but I would review the relatinship if I were you. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2008): Your not wrong If money was that tight im sure she could have borrowed it off a friend and paid them back the next week or made you something special She has been very insentitive towards your feelings Think how she would act if you didn't get her one on her birthday
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2008): you are definately not wrong
to be honest i'd rather have a hand made card than a bought one any way there's much more thought in them
if she knew it was your birthday she maybe could have saved up some money a few weeks in advance to buy you something special or even bought you a late present the next week
i agree with 'kenny' i find this rather inconsiderate
happy birthday by the way
i hope you had a good day
much love
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A
male
reader, Moviefan +, writes (24 January 2008):
 Its the thought that counts. My ex didnt have the money on my birthday and made me a card by hand. Which your girlfriend should of done, something or at least something out of the normal for you. Even if it was something small.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (24 January 2008):
 I guess you are going to get mixed answers here, but i am going to go with i think she was wrong. I mean you can pick a card up for less than 99p, and like you say you would have appreciated a hand written piece of paper. What makes it worse is that she went out socialising and spend god knows how much.
Personally i think that not even getting a card from her was very inconsiderate and somewhat selfish of her, and you are certainly not wrong.
Good luck
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