A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I don't have any way to express my heartbreak right now and so I apologize to you dear readers with whom I also need an advise.I am currently living with my boyfriend. Unfortunately, unmarried couples are prohibited in this country but we managed to live together in my house for the past 2 years. Everything has been great except for some petty fights here and there. Recently, there was a news about visa renewal and that would require expats (we are both) to declare where they actually reside. Ofcourse, this hit us both and this week, my boyfriend decided to move out of the house and live with his friend who offered him a free stay at his flat. Unfortunately, the friend is a bit religious and so he said that the condition would be that I am not allowed to visit my bf in that flat. It means, he could only visit me here at home but I won't get to see him at his new home. I am actually dismayed. So my boyfriend tried his best to find a studio but he can't find anything nice..all are crappy places. When he said it is final he will move to his friend, I cannot control my emotion and cried. And he said he don't wanna see me cry, so he said cancel moving to his friend but he will still try to find another nice studio and when that time comes, he will move out.Next month will be the holy month of ramadan and my bf is concerned about that since he is a muslim and that he doesn't want to repeat last year where he was not able to observe this as he was living with me. They are not allowed to even touch a woman on this month and we had sex several times last year. So he doesn't want to be feeling guilty again. It's fine by me, it's not a problem. Now the problem is me, I can't help but feel that this is a sign that our relationship might end later. You see, my last relationship had ended bcoz my then bf cheated and left me for another woman. I am sooooo scared that this will happen again especially that I will not be able to see my bf constantly unlike us living together. And now that he said he changed his mind and next week, he will move out to his friend, it is scaring me more.It's not that my bf has signs that he is cheating, it's bcoz he has a history of seeing multiple women when he is single. At one point he told me he cheated on one of his gf before but that happened only once. I am scared there will be a room for him to do things behind my back. So far he has been a good trustworthy bf.He has expressed to me that he is only trying to protect both of us and he doesn't want to live a life being scared that we'd be in trouble coz of living together. I really could understand that. But why am i feeling so sad right now because of the fear that he might cheat on me? I realized I am so scarred from my past relationship.He said to me today and everyday how much he loves me but he is doing this for our own good. So why did he change his mind to move out next week instead of finding a studio first and then move out? Does it mean he can't wait to find a studio? What is he in a hurry for?Should I take this as an early sign or should I just swallow this and accept the truth and learn to trust my bf more? I have trusted him while we are together but now that we will live separately, I can't help but not trust him. Please help me.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 June 2012):
 What about, maybe is in a hurry because he does not want to end up in jail , or have his visa withdrawn and get kicked out of UAE ? Is it a good reason enough ?
You are taking this so very casually, but actually you have been very imprudent living as you did in the last 2 years , in a country ruled according to the Islamic sharia ! Also considering that he's a Muslim, living in forbidden cohabitation - with a non Muslim. Not only a crime for that country, but also a public scandal. I don't know how you got away with that so far- maybe they turned a blind eye because you are both foreigners, not UAE citizens. Don't push your luck and let him move where he wants.
Cohabitation is no guarantee against being cheated on.
It may make cheating a bit harder - but probably not too much, considering the number of MARRIED people who live together , and still cheat on their spouses.
The only defense against not being cheated on, is not living together, is not putting your partner under surveillance 24/7, is not having him followed around by a private detective... the only REAL defense is simple that the partner does not WANT to cheat.
I must say that his track record as a ladies ' man when single, and unfaithful bf when committed, is certainly not the best to reassure a jealous woman. Then again, the past is the past, and if so far he has never given you any reason whatsoever to doubt him, don't start now , just because he is changing address.
A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (17 June 2012):
 HI
I think you need to concentrate on the facts. He is very religious and does not want the temptaions there when ramadan arrives. Also the cost of a studio flat can be expensive. I dont feel at this moment in time you have anything to worry about, I dont think he has cheating in mind, you need to trust, if you cant trust him now then there is no room for a relationship, as trust is the key factor in a relationship. Although if your not supossed to live toether how comes you both have for 2yrs and its only now you have to live apart? he could easily use your friends address as contact in regards to the visa renewal, but still live with you. however on the religious side why dont he stay there for that month then come back to you? either way dont jump the guns just yet, give him some time and space, im sure it will all work out for you both in the end .
Mandy x
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