A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my girl and I were separated but still living together with a baby. I found out she was talking to someone else, she said she never slept with him but did make out with him and came home with a hickey one day. everything is in the open now and she says she still loves me. is this worth holding on to? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 October 2016):
 It is worth holding on to if you can both work passed the break up and concentrate on the future, the question is do you still love her? Do you still want to be with her?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2016): There is nothing wrong with giving it another go as you are aiming for a lifetime commitment rather than a series of baby mothers but you should try to get to family therapy by asking the doctor for a referral.There you can talk more deeply about how you felt about each other before you met, how you felt about becoming new parents and why the relationship started to flounder when it did.?You can discuss how you felt about a mutual separation whilst co parenting under the same roof and consider wether you want to recreate the dream of a happy family after seeing the reality of family life.It may be that your gf felt unattractive after the birth and wanted outside confirmation that she was worth hanging onto or she may have trully believed that you were totally over.Whatever the case the child should have a stress free family life ,bearing in mind that the child knows only what you both teach.Did your wife get the baby blues or did you loose interst in her?I would say that it would be worth reconnecting as you both put considerable effort into the relationship at one time.You need to be able to talk freely about your expectations of future family life if you decide to get back together.It seems to me that your wife would like to be a proper family unit again but you are hesitant about how to move forward.?I would always say to forgive and move on at this time of year because you can have much future happiness as an ongoing family.It takes a lot oflove to bring up a child and I think you have both let your confidence fall down. Now is the time to think about all the things that worked for you unless it was a very unhappy time for both or one of you.Are you repeating patterns that were started in early life?Again counselling could help.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 October 2016):
 Only you can decide if it's "worth" it or not.
YOU can still be a father and not live with the mother or be with her.
What happened that led to the separation in the first place? Is it something the two of you can move on from? Deal with? Or was it so big that a separation was necessary?
If you feel like this is not fixable, one of you two need to move out. Living together and not being together will likely cause more drama than is good for any of you 3.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (14 October 2016):
 Are you just wanting her back because you think she might have found someone else? If so, that is not love but possessiveness.
If you still love her, why have you been living separate lives?
For the sake of your child, you two need to sit down and put your cards on the table. Do you still love each other? If not, you need to separate properly and move on with your lives. Your first priority should be to your baby though. You can still be a good hands-on father, even if you are not with the baby's mother.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2016): I always find denzen to be on cue but maybe this can be salvagable .. you need a good counsellor as a rmn I urge this . Find out why ?? She did this .. not pointing fingers bit did anything occur before in relationship . During the pregnancy. Did you want this baby ? Something driven her ..You need to find out what and quick fast .
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (13 October 2016):
 I think this is broken. I don't think it can ever be the same for you. I'm sorry. Your must be going through hell.
Her saying she loves you might just be to continue to have the security of living under the same roof as you while keeping the baby.
Were you looking after the child while she was out, "not sleeping", with this other person.
You have to preserve yourself and it means separating. You are living a half life at the moment. You need time to repair yourself before starting something better.
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