A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone. a few month ago i went on a date with a guy we then decided to be in a relationship . long story short he wasted my time made excuses not to see me and wasted my time i said its over and dumped him . he wanted to be friends so i kept him at a distance as an online friend only . i went through a tough time he went quiet on me after he offered to be there for me. He wasnt mature enough to be support for anyone ( hes 35 ) after a good life clear out i decided he wasnt worth keeping him in my life and told him no more contact and goodbye . i heard nothing for weeks and i didnt even think about him , suddenly he messaged me saying hes sorry for the way hes treated me before in the past and that he wants to be friends because he feels i wouldnt want anything more . Im not weak and have no plans to fall for him and hes lies . i asked him why has he contacted me said he went away to sort his head out and felt it was time to grow up . i dont believe him .he wore me down last time, why could he possibly want me in his life ? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2016): Im the op ,, im just wondering what his angle is . He might be genuine but because of past behaviour i doubt him this time around . Im not bothered having him in my life but as someone has said he could be wanting to keep me in his life as a back up option . i said id never go back am im sticking to my word .When i told him goodbye i guess he probably thought i wasnt being serious and as the weeks have gone on and ive not messaged him hes seen i ment it and im not weak im in control of my life and dont rely on people or him . i think ill keep him at a distance and leave him to message me ill be polite back but i doubt ill message him first . thanks everyone
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (14 October 2016):
 I'd suggest he's telling the truth as he sees it and my advice to you would be to exit the "relationship" you need to find YOUR own truth forget him. Good luck
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (14 October 2016):
 Are you considering the friendship or just querying what he angle is? Call me soft but maybe he is being honest when he says he has sorted his head out. Epiphanies come when they come so I wouldn't judge too harshly for that. At least he had the decency to apologise for the way in which he treated you. In this day and age, not really something people tend to do so much. Is it a brownie point ? maybe. If you are a ce sera sera type why not, just put him on your list of acquaintances and let him navigate his way to your friends list.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (14 October 2016):
 What do you have to gain from this supposed friendship? Do you actually NEED his friendship (with his previous poor track record)?
I wouldn't spend any time wondering about his motives as they are irrelevant really.
As you haven't even thought about him during the time he has not been in contact, I would be inclined to tell him "thanks but no thanks". Wish him well and let him walk away.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (14 October 2016):
 My guess? He can't handle relationships, he can't handle friendships, but he still WANTS them. BUT on his terms, so in short, he wants whatever HE needs, and screw the other person and their feelings.
My other guess is that this is a pattern for him. Women who call him on his bullshit and cut him off because someone he WANTS in his life, if for no other reason to "hold" them back from moving on with their lives because HE can't move on either, he can't progress, he can't grow up.
He didn't have a huge leap of growth in his maturity in a few weeks, no one does.
He is trying the "pity approach'. I quote you:
"he wants to be friends because he feels i wouldnt want anything more"
So all of a sudden he makes it about YOU. Makes you feel sorry for him and thus keep him around. He puts it ALL on you. The reason you can't date according to him is because YOU wouldn't want more. See what I'm getting at? He has already shown you he sucks as a friend and he can't/won't do relationships.
If I were you I'd tell him to stop wasting your time and then block him.
I'm pretty sure you don't need a friend who can't be there for you when you need them....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2016): He's seems kind of flaky. You don't really know him so why not trust your first instinct and cut your losses.
I'm single and do a lot of online dating...many times people will find someone they like better and date them for a while and then find they are not what they want so they try to circle back to you as a back up.
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