A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I graduated uni this year and am leaving town at the end of next week.. I dated a girl during second year of uni, and then it was going badly/she was being shady and flaky and talking to HER ex (she slept with him after we broke up, and also went on a day trip, after which I deleted/blocked her on social media). Don't even have her on FB, Whatsapp, etc. Had almost forgotten what her face looked like.I just randomly bumped into her in Sainsburys and had a chat, we seemed pretty cool as it was a while back. I told her I was leaving and she asked to stay in touch. I said I'd rather not and she kind of nodded and then kept on talking, trying to drag the conversation on. I genuinely wasn't sure if I wanted to stay friends as she had hurt my feelings though it was a while back, so I just kept on nodding and making small talk and eventually she left... and she joined her friends who were waiting for her at the entrance and I saw her rubbing her eyes and heard her saying something to her girl pal in a broken voice, felt like I'd been mean but honestly didn't know what to say.Yea.. I'm sure I could have agreed and slept with her or something if I wanted but I just don't like staying friends with exes/wanted to lead her on that way. She's not the kind of girl I go for these days, but I'm also genuinely not sure if I just said no to a friendship and hurt her feels.Am I the bad guy or did I do the right thing?
View related questions:
broke up, her ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 September 2020):
 You did the wrong thing. You shopped at Sainsburys when you find basically the same quality and choice of products at Tesco, at a lower price.
I am clowning around , obviously :). I just have to, every now and then.
You did the right thing. You have no obligation to stay friends, or even to stay losely in touch, with your exes if you feel that you'd rather not to do that, and what they feel about it, is not and cannot be your concern. You were polite during this chance meeting, as you'll be if you should bump into each other again, and that's all which is required.
Now, though, move on. Really move on. I remember that you wrote a few times about this girl, and that the issue was more complex than " she hurt my feelings ". I think I remember both parties had their faults, as it normally happens in life. Anyway... it boils down to : it did not work. You weren't suited to each other. It was not in the cards.
Enough , now. You are so young, and are moving soon, and have a plethora of new , exciting experiences opening up to you. You'll enjoy them if you travel light. Left your old mental baggage behind .
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (5 September 2020):
 You did the right thing and you acted with class. She behaved badly back then and being a woman doesn't give her some protected status.
Chin up. Well done! And please keep your distance from her. Maybe she'll learn something from this and make better choices in the future.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (31 August 2020):
 I think you were perfectly honest with her and, if that hurt her feelings, well that's a shame but you can't be agreeing to stay in touch with people just so you don't hurt their feelings. You would have hurt her feelings more if you had built up her hopes and then dashed them.
Move on. She's not part of your future.
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (31 August 2020):
 I think that you did absolutely the right thing, telling her face to face you would rather not stay in touch.
She messed you around, was shady and flaky, and sleeping with her ex. Your right, this is not the girl for you, and certainly not someone you want in your life.
She probably thought she could hook up with you again when she bumped into you, so was a shock to her when you said you never wanted to stay in touch.
No your not the bad guy here, you did the right thing. forget her now and move on with your life.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (31 August 2020):
 Eh, don't fret.
She wasn't the girl for you. Now she wants to make drama to get some sympathy from her friends.... WHO CARES?!
Wasn't she the one who was spreading gossip about you?
Good riddance to her.
Yes, you did the right thing in not dating someone who is cheating, yes, you did the right thing in not wanting to stay in contact.
Let it go. She isn't worth all this.
Don't let her live rent free in your head. Kick her out and let her go.
If her feelings got hurt, that is on her...
...............................
|
