A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello Dear CupidsThank you for taking the time to read my post and appreciate any advice you may be able to offer. I have worked along side a colleague for close to 3 years. Making up a small team of 5, my role of that of 2IC. Given the size and personalities have a great team. As well as professional, we maintain friendships within the workplace. My boss is a good friend outside of work. For months now we feel burdened with him confiding in us his personal problems and work stress which has impacted on his ability to remain professional. He really is struggling and makes no secret of it. This I see as a cry for help so have responded with cotton gloves, offering as much support where I can, taking on more of his responsibility. It has become too regular myself and 3IC receive txt messages or emails at all hours of the night, as late as midnight and on weekends etc. My request to keep that hour of contact for emergency situations only falls on deaf ears. Due to Covid, Zoom meetings where it was obvious he'd been drinking. His stress is now our stress because of his poor judgement, lack of leadership and communication, indecisiveness and apathetic attitude towards our organisation in general. Because we are mates, I have done my best to support him and far too many times made allowances but my frustration recently told him to pull his head in and get his shit together because its impacting on myself and other staff. This, to my surprise acknowledged. Someone has made an offical complaint now I have been asked by management to email what I know of the situation. I don't feel comfortable and feel like this will be his catalyst and tip him over the edge.I struggle having to work along side him none the wiser his staff have turned. If anything I wish for my response to be one that get him the support he needs and not one that gets him fired. Thank you
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2020): I think when you email the company you could emphasise that this has been a very unusual time for people generally, due to Covid-19. The company has a duty to support its employees during this time and his lack of professionalism indicates a lack of support - whether that be counselling for his personal problems or more managerial support at this time, so that he knows how to prioritise and bring flexibility to his workload. His boundaries have broken down because he is not being supported, and at this time in history, we all need more support from our employers. You could emphasise what he is doing well ie. the fact that he seems to be really trying to cope (even if that means offloading some of his work to you guys) shows that he does care and has simply gotten himself into a mess. With the right support and frameworks, he can recover and behave more professionally. The company should help him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2020): No-one can get your boss fired better than your boss himself, from what you've described in this situation. An investigation of a complaint is now underway; and you're a part of his team. You've described incompetence and poor performance. He is showing signs of extreme stress; and loss of his ability to maintain his professionalism, and a lack of control. You said in a ZOOM meeting that he looked like he had been drinking; but such speculations should not be mentioned. Tell only what you know, not what you suspect.
People under extreme emotional-distress and pressure sometimes break. Most companies will offer a medical leave of absence. He may be in need of emergency medical-attention; for what sounds like an episode of anxiety disorder and depression.
If he is suffering from a mental-health crisis, he should have taken it upon himself to notify HR; so he could apply for sick leave. Instead, he burdens his colleagues by discussing his personal-problems. By the way, you can't tell if a person is heavily-medicated or drunk; just by viewing them on a screen.
If he is struggling with mental-illness, or on the bring of a mental-breakdown; most jobs are hesitant about firing people before offering them the opportunity to seek professional-counseling, therapy, and treatment.
The reason is, there is the threat of legal-liability for not allowing employees the chance to seek drug/alcohol rehabilitation, or mental-health counseling and therapy; before they're considered for job-termination. There are anti-discrimination laws protecting people with mental-illness. If he has always proven himself aptly functional and competent up to now; there is a clear indication he is in need of help.
The series of events you've described may be working against him. He has delayed in taking medical leave; so he has now placed his job in jeopardy. He has inadvertently placed everyone in the position of being informants and witnesses. More his fault than yours.
In a management position, policy dictates that you separate your work from personal-relationships with the people you supervise. To avoid bias or preferential treatment. He's had every opportunity to use his sick leave; or seek extended leave of absence for health reasons. He's now in a bind. If someone has placed a complaint; reprimand or suspension is almost inevitable. If he has a history of incompetence and poor job-performance on record, and they've dealt with this on several occasions, he may face termination. If this is all new, and possibly connected somewhat to the Covid-19 pandemic; he might have a fighting-chance to save his job. Provided he doesn't do something totally irrational. He might circumvent reprimand or termination by seeking emergency medical leave.
If you have been called-in to tell what you've witnessed; you must do what you are required to do. Explain only what you've witnessed, without conjecture or hypothesizing. Write-down what you are going to say before you say it; for the sake of recall and consistency. Do not voluntarily communicate through email. You will be held accountable for inaccuracies. If he decides to file suit for wrongful termination; a good lawyer will pick everyone apart. If the company is fully aware of his suffering and ongoing treatment for mental-health disorder; they can't just fire him without giving him a chance to seek medical attention.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (31 August 2020):
 I understand that he is a friend, but the company PAYS him to do a job, that he IS NOT doing. What he IS doing is bring drama and making everything harder for the team.
So IF I were you I would PREFACE my e-mail to management with the note that you WISH for him to get support, help that he needs and that you feel he NEEDS help. After that, state facts, not emotions about what is going on.
You will NOT be helping him by enabling him to continue to do this - KNOW that. He needs help and maybe, that needs to come from the top down. Since nothing you all have done in the day to day have helped him.
You aren't a therapist, you can't fix him.
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