A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Does feeling like this make me a bad personI feel so happy when my X gets a problemand feel very bad when he achieves somethingi hate how i feel..but its something that automatically comes about...however i dont show it to anybody that i feel like that.in fact i always pretend that i dont care..Does this make me a terrible person? and if so what do i do? to stop feeling this way...
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male
reader, Kama  +, writes (17 June 2010):
 You are still emotionally attached to him; that's why you care at all. It's normal. Contrary to Lola though, my advice is to stop pretending that you don't care. It will in the end make it harder to actually not care. Look at it in the face.
My wife still loves to hear things about the failures of her 1st boyfriend who broke her heart (MANY years ago). It's because she is still hurt. What won't help her heal is pretending she's not hurt. Only be actually facing it, and talking to me about it has she improved. Indifference, even compassion for one's X, is the true sign that you've healed as much as you're gonna -
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (17 June 2010):
 I think what CaringGuy means by being "over" someone is that you are not affected by them. If you are over them you will see them as just another human being, and nothing in particular. Not meaning that you still have romantic feelings for them. But meaning that you are still not healed from the pain they caused you. At least that is how I see it.
And no, you are not a horrible person. I am confident in time you will let it go and not feel this way anymore. But most of us feel this way. It's a good thing to keep it to yourself though.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2010): Not at all, we all feel like that about at least one of our ex's for a while. It's completely normal and it doesn't make you a bad person as long as you don't take an active role in making him fail.
Don't feel bad, depending on how the relationship ended most of don't like the idea of an ex doing so well.
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A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (17 June 2010):
 It’s normal to not enjoy it when an ex-love shows signs of happiness and success after a break-up. If you're terrible, then so are most of us.
These normal feelings are related to the grieving process which follows the end of a relationship and they will fade in time. You are already doing everything right by acting like you don't care.
If you continue to act like you don't care (and try not to allow your mind to dwell unhealthily on unpleasant feelings related to his successes), then eventually you really won't care.
It’s also helpful if you fill your life with your own successes. Let your unpleasant feelings inspire you to move towards your own happiness. That will speed up the process.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (17 June 2010):
Not terrible, no. Everyone feels good when someone who has hurt us gets hurt. But what it does show is that you're not over him having hurt you. That's something that needs to be worked out. So maybe cut all contact, and just spend time on your own life working out what you want.
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