A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I want to know if I'm a drunk sluti'm 19 and In my sophomore year of collegelast year I lost my virginity to my boyfriend of 4 months but since we broke up... ive had 2 one night stands (full intercourse) given two blow jobs, and let one other guy touch/finger me,and given one hand job(6 different guys total) and made out with countless people (roughly 9 guys total) am I slutty?
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blow-job, broke up, drunk, hand-job, lost my virginity, one night stand Reply to this Question
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male
reader, yesno +, writes (6 April 2011):
In a word: yes. Think of it this way. If you will have to lie in the future about what you've done, then you're a slut.Same goes for men.
A
female
reader, based51  +, writes (6 April 2011):
 it doesn't matter what we think. No matter how promiscuous or chaste a person may be there will always be someone who will disagree with their sexual choices.What matters is how you feel about it. You should never do anything that makes you feel cheap or slutty. As you seem to feel this way about your recent encounters, I'd advise that you take a step back from sexual things for awhile and only do them in a serious relationship. It seems as though you don't have a casual attitude towards sex and so you shouldn't be having sex casually. It'll only damage the way you feel about yourself if you go against your own personal beliefs regarding sex. Sex is a very tricky thing often associated with guilt. Sex is only right when it feels 100% natural and normal and right to you.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (6 April 2011):
 hi so you are worried about your behaviour then if you are here asking a question like this? it is not about the number of men you have been with or the things you have done with them, it is more about your reasons for doing these things that you are now questioning yourself for. i mean do you 'want' to do these things or are you doing them to try to gain love from these guys, to feel wanted and worthy, do you do them because you don't have high enough self esteem to realise that these men are fortunate to be with you, even if you don't give them sexual favours, do you feel like you may be acting this way because of unresolved grief about the break up with your ex boyfriend? do you feel bad about that relationship because you gave him your virginity and then things did not work out between you? there is a lot to think about here, it is not just a question of being slutty or notxx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011): Who cares what we think?What do YOU think about all this?If you don't like what you are doing, then find out why you are doing it.Maybe you are just a person who shouldn't be drinking, who doesn't realize you can have a lot of fun without it and that it is "real" when you are sober. Take a quiz, it may change your life.http://www.lanarkleedsaa.org/pages/aboutaa/are_you_an_alcoholic.htmGo back to this prior poster and read her posting again.A female reader, Honeypie United States + ?, writes (4 April 2011):Bit of good advice that is, I'll give you one more bit. Don't wait till you are 48 to figure out what is wrong, it leaves a long trail of damage and pain and you don't want that. Believe me.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011): It's equally sexist to assume that men always applaud other men's slutty behavior.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011): No you're not slutty you're a stud.(I hate sexist labels like that) Seriously it doesn't matter what other people would call you. There's only a problem if your behaviour is making you unhappy or if you are hurting other people. If you think what you're doing is related to your break up, then stop drinking and doing anything sexual and give yourself some time to get over it.If it isn't then just live your life as you want to.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011): Okay, what is wonderful is that you are not just blindly going about life. You seek to understand yourself and your behaviours a bit more, which is quite a rare thing these days. Dont label yourself, instead figure out why you are doing the things you are doing, as another person said. Also, gaining some insight into your behaviours will give you a better understanding as to why you are acting out sexually. These days its so dangerous to engage in sexual acts with people you dont know, there are so many bad people in the world. Please be careful and of course use protection.Also, in my opinion, sluttiness is all on how you hold yourself. Take a step back and look at your behaviour, manner of speech and attire. If you were a stranger looking at you, what would the first impression be?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 April 2011):
 No I wouldn't say you are, in terms of number of guys. But then again "slutty" to me personally is not about the number of people you have had sex with. I find it slutty for a girl to give lap dances to strangers or jump up on tables and flash her boobs, or grind up against a guy in a club. If she is flirting with every guy she meets, or flirting/kissing guys even if she is in a relationship. She's not having sex with these guys, but that is definitely slutty to me.
Then if there's a girl who's classy, but likes her bit of fun, keeps it in private and discrete and doesn't brag about it to everyone or "flaunt" her number, I'd not think of her as slutty even if she had 50+ partners.
But this is all relative. To some 10+ partner is too much, they thin it is slutty, and don't want a partner who's got such a high number. To some 5+ is too high. To some, 20+ is perfectly normal and nothing they'd raise their eyebrows over.
I guess the most important thing is that you live by what you preach. If you want a guy who's not been with a lot of girls, then you can't expect him to be ok with you having had a colourful past. Me personally don't think your number is high at all. I only counted full on intercourse when I counted how many sexual partners I've had, and in later years I just stopped trying to "count" and "categorize" whatever sexual contact I have had as who am I really keeping a track for? It's my personal business what I do and with whom, and keeping a record isn't necessary for me. But then again, to some it is important.
What is important to me is safe sex, get tested regularly so you are sure you do not have any STD's, be safe and not hang with the wrong crowd, don't get pregnant, and don't get a reputation by acting slutty. Because slutty to me is overall behaviour, and not dependent on a number.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 April 2011):
 Having random sex is not going to make the hurt over the last relationship go away. It's certainly not going to make you more "loved" either.
Some people (both guys and girls) think have more sex is going ot make them more popular or fill a void in their life. It really doesn't.
Don't label yourself. Figure out why you are doing what you are doing instead.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011): You're not slutty - you're young and having fun! Seriously, it's not like you're sober, hanging around on street corners. We get so much confidence when drunk and do things we wouldn't do in a sober state. Please don't beat yourself up about it. The fact that you have asked this on here shows you are a decent person. Like I said, you're young and having fun - just enjoy yourself!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011): With utmost respect, yes, I find you promiscuous. I feel your anger and adverse emotion from your prior relationship is driving your decision making with sexual encounters. Ill advise to stop and take a look at that carefully so you know if it is indeed who you are and whats best for yourself. Otherwise, you could end up with certain regrets, especially if you meet a nice man. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 April 2011):
 Finding a label for you won't change the past nor be a solution to the problem , if there is a problem. So there is no point in calling you anything , whether it be " slut" or " good girl ".
Let's see first if we have a problem here. You seem wanting to find out how strangers feel about you, but
how do YOU feel about what happened ? If you feel fine , and it was your own choice, and you liked it, and you could stop acting like this any time you want, then there is no problem ( except perhaps for your reputation ).
Do you feel guilty, or ashamed, or demeaned ? Out of control ? As if that wasn't the real you, or as if you had disappointed yourself ? As if you could / should do better ?
Then, we do have a problem.Big problem.
If this happens only when you are drunk,- the obvious , perhaps lame, answer is : STOP DRINKING ! Some people just can't handle alcohol, and anyway drinking is far from mandatory. If you have trouble stopping, seek professional help, and in the meantime think why drinking is so important to you . Does it fill a void in your life, makes you feel like you belong to the cool gang, takes the egde off your social awkwardnesses?... Work on the issues which crop up, and you'll have much less trouble in staying away
from excesses.
If these hook ups also happen when you are sober, then maybe it has to do with your self - esteem , and self-image in relationship to men. That too may require professional help, but try to understand exactly what is it that makes you so compliant to the desires of uncaring strangers. Do you feel ugly, do you feel unimportant, you need male validation to feel you exist ?..... Etc.etc.etc.
Think, girl, think. God gave you a brain, and it was good you enough to get you into a college, it should be good enough to let you see why you behave in ways that are probably dysfunctional in your own eyes.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011): Yes you sound a bit slutty to me.
It's not the numbers, it's the circumstances. I would rather date a girl who has slept with 10 committed boyfriends in the past, than a girl who has only 5 partners but some of them were one-night-stands.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011): Well in my opinion you are NOT a slut yourself. Only your behavior is slutty. But who cares? you are free to do what you want and who are others to judge this?
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