A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:We broke up two weeks ago after a year long relationship, and now are trying to talk things over, and one the the things we can't get passed is an apparent jealousy problem from my end.She considers it ok to spend movie nights at her house with other close male friends, or go out for dinner, movies, or drinking with them. She also thinks its ok for her to dance with them (even if I'm at the same party), or do other body-contact activity such as piggyback rides and massages.I know it's not like she cheated on me or anything, yet I still have a hard time with jealousy. I can't seem to fall in the whole "in the end she comes home to you" bit.We love each other dearly and been through a lot together, but this is keeping us apart. We can't find a common ground or middle point. Any suggestions?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011): "We can't find a common ground or middle point."
Then it's over. It's not about jealousy but respect and boundaries. OP something tells me that if you were to do all these things with other girls she wouldn't be happy about it either, she might say she would be but she wouldn't.
Look you have physical boundaries and she's crossing them. She's just too cozy with them and you can't help how you feel. I'm sure you've tried and tried to be okay with it. I'm sure you've spent many sleepless nights knowing she's with them and kicking yourself for not being able to deal with it because you know nothing more happens. But the simple fact remains that she's going too far with them than you are comfortable. Now you can't change how you feel, she won't change how she behaves and you probably don't want her to either, you don't want to curb her freedom or make her feel trapped. It's simple OP, you're just not compatible. You need a girl that cuts all that physical affection and closeness from her male friendships and keeps a respectful distance because put simply OP when drunk and that close to someone things very easily get out of hand.
To me girls/guys that act like that are acting single, so it's better that she is single so she can go ahead and do that. You see I have female friends that I'm very close to and while single we get *very* close physically. But when I enter a relationship I stop all that. Now here's the clincher for me. When they get into a relationship I stop all the physical affection too. You see I'm their friend but I'm also a guy and I know how I'd feel if guys where doing that with my girl so I stop. In other words these friends of hers aren't showing you any consideration or respect either and that doesn't help at all.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011): I don't know what your girl is thinking but she's wrong in some areas. Why would she want to hang out and do things with other guys when she's got you? Massaging and drinking with the opposite sex is a big no no because everyone knows what alcohol can do to you. Ask her how she would feel if you went out and watched movies with girls or danced with other girls instead of her at parties. Basically ask her to put herself in your shoes and see if she'l be ok with everything you just said.
However if she's really close with these guys then i suggest you try to get to know them more, then you'll all be friends. Most important thing is trust. Do you trust her? My man let's me hang with my guy friends as long as he knows and trust them then he's fine with it.
Hope this helped a little bit? Good luck :)
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