A
female
age
36-40,
*urseBetty85
writes:Well for the past 10 years now since I was 14 yrs old, I add an attraction to White guys. Something about them turns me on so bad. I can count on one hand and 1/2 of all the Black and Latino men that I've dated. My friends and family think I'm strange for my attraction. One of my good friends even said I'm a sell out and I will confuse my kids in the future. My Mom seems cool with it, makes comments about it in a funny way. I just don't understand why it's such a taboo when Black women date White men. I'm from New York City , and all I see is black guys with white women and nobody seems to mind. The white men I've been with where causual incounters and none where relationships. I fear bringing a White guy around my family and even worse my best friend. I don't want to make anybody feel uncomfortable. I know my Mother won't say anything in their face, but when they leave, oh boy! The strange thing is that my mother likes Italian men and was cool when I brought one home. Is there a big difference between ethnic white men and non-ethnic white men?Having such a strong preference for White men is driving me crazy, I have nothing against my kind(black and Latino). I also can't help the fact that I attract them from time to time, more then my own kind. I think young Black and Latino men are stuck on the way "Video Girls" look like and not to fond of BBW women like myself. Please correct me If I'm wrong on that statement.I want go out with this white guy that I have my eyes on and possibly more then friends. I really don't like to be labeled as a "sell Out". I love my people and culture, but white men as a preference, I can't help it.So, I'm a "Sell Out"? Give your Advice on this one.Thanks Nursebetty85
View related questions:
best friend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2010): I know I hate that crap too. The back handed or snide comments about black women who like, date, or marry white or other non-black men, but black men get a pass. There is nothing wrong with you. There are black men who are not attracted to black women are there are black women who are not attracted to black men. Just because you share the same skin shade, culture, features, race, nationality shouldn't be a reason to be in a relationship.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2009): "Is there a big difference between ethnic white men and non-ethnic white men?"
What is a "non-ethnic" person? Everyone has an ethnicity. I think you're distinguishing between southern Europeans and Anglo-Saxons, the Latins and the Teutons. I'm not sure why so many black people draw a sharp distinction between "white guys" and Italians. Italians are considered Caucasian, even though Southern Italians (e.g. Sicilians) have a lot of Levantine influence. I get the feeling that the desire to draw the distinction comes from New Yorkers who see a difference between WASP white-collar guys and the "Vinny Boombox" blue-collar Italian men.
It's not that simple, though. Some of my ancestors were Northern Italians (Lombards) who are very Germanic in ethnicity (i.e. blonde hair, etc). Let's just say it's complicated.
...............................
A
female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (2 March 2009):
 You will create beautiful children who will grow up like Halle Berry and Barack Obama.
I am a brown skin South East Asian woman who have dated Asians as well as Caucasians. , not because of their skin color nor ethnicity but because of their personality.
The skin color is just a wrapping paper of the goodies inside it ;-) And yes, sometimes you get certain attractions toward certain wrapping papers LOL but so what ;-) Put a nice bow on the wrapping paper when he meets your family and friends and they will love him
Cat
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): It's not your fault you can't help your physical preferences! :) It don't matter if your black or white, and im sure that if you bring round a potential whithe boyfriend to your house your mum will be fine with it!
...............................
A
female
reader, SexyCoolFatGirl +, writes (27 February 2009):
As a young (25)big woman of color to another. I think it is definetly okay for you to date who ever you wish. I personally is a equal opportunity type of girl and I also go through the same issues with my peers when I show interest in white guys. Many of my friends make fun of dating white guys and that hooking up with white guys are somewhat acceptable but to date them for a real relationship is a no no. Just this past weekend I went out with my group of friends to a club in SF and I ended up dancing with this white guy and getting "friendly" with him. My friends definetly gave me the socially unacceptable "eye". It makes me feel uncomfortable some times but I must remember to be me and just go with who I am interested without thinking what others will think.B/c if we are constantly concerned with what others think then we can never think of ourselves. So, just be you and enjoy life!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2009): I think you should go for it im black and im attracted to white men they are so sexy just make sure he respect u for who you are and be happy good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, NurseBetty85 +, writes (12 January 2009):
NurseBetty85 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you everyone for your help.
I realized that having a preferrence is not being a
"Sell Out". For what the female anonymous reader said " as long as it's not because of color and stereotypes about Black men".
The reasons why I like White men has nothing to do with that, it's mostly physical attaction. When it comes to friends and family, that issue can be worked out.
Thanks everyone!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2009): As a Black woman myself living in the U.S., originally from NYC (also plus sized), we share a lot in common, so I hope you take my advice for what its worth.
I don't think you're a sell-out. My boyfriend is white. And I don't date him because he is white or because (like the male anonymous implied) I was somehow brainwashed by the white media to date him. I date him and I love him because of HIM. I've dated more than my fair share of Black men and I'm friends with a lot more. I don't do what a lot of our women do which is say, "I'm looking for a good Black man" and limit myself with the fallacy of some loyalty to dating a certain kind of man just based on skin color. I just look for a good man. I found one in my guy.
And believe me, I know what you're afraid of. I recently went to a party with my guy and man, some of the looks I got! It was as if I grew a second head. But honestly, I was there with the man I love, so screw them and their silly looks, is how I felt.
That said, people have preferences. Some prefer their own race, some not. My sister has also dated white men, but she's decided she prefers Black men. Physically, she just finds them more appealing. Personally, I don't give a damn what people think of me and my guy. But then, I'm kind of a rebel... I stopped giving a damn what people thought a long time ago.
Your true friends and family, those who love you, just want to see you happy. If you're happiest with a white man, then go for it. That said, when you do it, make sure its because you love that guy for him... not because of his color, or because of the stereotypes about Black men or any foolishness like that.
Ok, that my 2 cents.
...............................
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (11 January 2009):
 You're no sell out. You like what you like. There is something about white guys you're attracted to. You're not saying blacks or latinos are not good enough for you, you're saying whites guys are your preference.
I'm white and married to a latina from the Caribbean. I'm attracted to ethnic women before white women. I'm not saying that they are better or worse. I'm saying that the message my brain gets from my eyes is that one things attracts more than another. Big deal. If someone feels slighted by that it is a result of their own insecurity. It's not about better or worse. It's about preference.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2009): You are not a sell-out, you have simply been brainwashed since your childhood -- by mass media, public education and the "entertainment" industries -- to believe White men are superior or the best men to have in your life over all others. Millions of other Non-White women (and men) have fallen into this mass hysteria; it's not your fault. It's the fault of the racists who promote this lie for their own twisted and demented purposes.
...............................
A
female
reader, michele21 +, writes (11 January 2009):
 Well I'm a lesbian and I'm white and I'm with a black female, I don't think color has anything to do with anything, I love her very much. Of course my mom was a little skeptical about the whole thing but once she got to know my girlfriend and saw that she made me happy she learned to accept her as the person that she was and not by the color of her skin. Your family might be against it at first but I'm sure if you're happy and they treat you right they will come around and find the good in it. Good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (11 January 2009):
As far as I was aware being a "sell out" meant that you took the money at the expense of your morals.
You happen to like men that look a certain way.
The fact that your friend has a problem with it says more about her than anything. Tell her that it's 2009 and she needs to get out in the real world and get a life.
The "confusing your children" comment sounds like something out of a Nazi Propaganda Film!!!
Do what you like if it makes you happy. You are not hurting ANY ONE by dating a guy who's ancestors come from a different country than your ancestors.
Yes there may be cultural differences but unless you marry your brother there are always going to be differences in the way you grow up.
Go and find a nice guy of what ever colour you like and have a great life.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (11 January 2009):
 I'm hardly qualified to comment as I'm not from where you are from but it seems to me that we like who and what we like and that the only "sell out" would be denying yourself happiness in order to fit in with other people's expectations.
I've been in a cross - racial, cross cultural marriage for more than 10 years and it has always been full of love and happiness.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunty_rach +, writes (11 January 2009):
i don't think it should be a problem at all. i am white, yet i like white, hispanic and black guys. the colour of someone's skin should not stop you from being able to date them. maybe your parents and family are abit traditional in their ways? you find some older people find it hard to move on with the times.
i'm sure if you met a nice guy whether he was black, hispanic,asian or white,etc it wouldn;t matter about what he looks like as they would see him for who he is and think you have made a great choice. if you want to date a white guy, go for it.
...............................
|
