A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 years and i complain to him allthe time'when we going to get married' and he complains that he wants to give me the perfect wedding so he wants to basically wait till we have money well we are moving from ohio to south carolina because of job loss in our area well he said when we get established we will get married on thebeach which is my dream i mean im 21 i feel sometimes like if i have to wait any longer im going to leave i love him but it seems like he just keeps pushing it back further and further and i really want kids but i want to do it the right way get married and then have kids. what should i do? Am I pushing him intosomething he's just not into? is he really trying to give me my dream? or is he putting it off cuz he dont' want to marry me?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008): Hi,Although 5 years is a long time to be in a relationship, I would say 21 is too early an age for you to marry and settle down. Marriage itself adds a lot of responsibility on your shoulders, and bringing kids so early in your life, will add a lot of constraints to your life. As much as you would love them, you would have to constantly take very good care of them, which would mean that you have very little time for moving around and exploring the outside world. Now its the time to do things you really love and party hard and its very important to be very self confident, have your family and best friends as your support where you can fall back when you encounter stress.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2008): If he wants to marry you, he'll ask. It sounds like he is being the realistic one, as finances are an important thing to consider before marriage.
If it's something you have to argue or pressure him into, be advised that you may wind up married to someone who doesn't really want to be married to you, and that definitely isn't a good thing. You have all your marriage to find problems with one another...if it's shaky to begin with, chances are it WILL NOT succeed.
Sorry to be harsh, but that's the way it is.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (28 October 2008):
 Personally I think you are pushing way too hard on this poor guy. I am surprised he hasn't already run for the hills from the constant demands for marriage.
Now I am not trying to be mean or harsh but just because you started in a relationship and it has been 5 years does not mean that you or your bf are truly ready for marriage yet.
You may feel you are ready and want children right now but believe me those feelings at 21 are sugar coated as I was where you are now and I desperately pushed for a ring on my finger and I had only been in my relationship for a year when I got the engagement ring but my bf felt a lot of pressure from my family and me and we only ended up being engaged for 6 months before there were problems. The ring came off and marriage was always put to the back burner.
Our views on marriage were different I came from a very stable family with parents who remained together for almost 55 years until my dad passed away last year and his parents divorced after almost 30 years and he was anti marriage.
Believe me at 21 you should be having fun and enjoying yourselves, don't fall into the trap of must have children now or I will be too old. Enjoy life and see the world if you can before you tie yourself down to bills, nappies and lots of stress.
Your relationship and your financial status needs to be very sound to weather the financial climate right now so living together and being a couple is more important right now.
Stop from the constant marriage questions otherwise one of these days he will say enough is enough and like the old saying 'you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink'.
The more you push the more someone will normally go in the opposite direction. Remember yourself as a child asking for a particular toy or something from your parents, what was their reaction. I know how I am with my daughter who is 7. If you keep on asking it isn't going to happen and she has now learned that by NOT ASKING, she ends up getting more out of me.
Just enjoy being together as life is far too short to worry right now over a piece of paper and a ring on your finger. See the world a little and just live as it all changes once you have children and responsibilities.
I know we all think we are different but the culture shock when you hold your child in your arms for the first time even when you are in a stable relationship is very scary as you then realise you are responsible for this little life and there is no way you can hand it back. You have to become the parent and even at 35 it was still huge to me.
Give yourself a few more years before you rush into anything and review things when you are 25 and see how the world has faired through this credit crunch and if you can then afford to put some money down on a nice little house to bring those children up in. You need a roof over their heads and food in their bellies and parents who don't work all the hours to just survive.
Good luck and hope that some of my words have helped a little.
We are all here to help anytime OK.
BFN
Country Woman
x
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A
male
reader, 1trainer1 +, writes (27 October 2008):
reading this reminds me a lot about myself and before I say anything I must say everyone is different....
I was in your situiation but slightly older andme and my girl were together for 6 years but after countless times promising me that we were going to live together, going to get married, going to have kids ..... but after asking for about 4 out of the 6 years together I decided to call time on our relationship....
it has only been a few weeks since we separated but we have talked a few times and I still love her loads and still hope to have a future together.....
we are still best friends and will always be close but we are not technically together...
it does feel like a lot of pressure has been lifted which is good but now we taking things as they go....
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (27 October 2008):
 You are young, and while your relationship is a long one, you can't blame him if he's still not quite ready to get married. You have been together since you were so young, and while you might be ready to tie the knot, he might not be. And I don't blame him! I do think that you're pushing him a little too hard, and that could backfire on you. Because you're pushing hard, he may retract just as fast from the idea.
I think it's best to have a good financial situation and to get yourselves moved and settled before you get married. He may want to marry you, just not yet.
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