A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriends best friend is a girl, and she is utterly stunning, she is very thin and striking, wheras i am very short and curvy. I have no problem with him having a best friend who is a girl, its just I get jealous sometimes as she always sits on his lap and cuddles up to him, and they play fight and stuff. Am i wrong to be so jealous??? i have spoken to both her and him about it, he says i have nothing to worry about, and i should stop stressing because he loves me not her, and she just says not to worry they've known each other for years. But why then cant i shake off this feeling that she does it to get at me. Should i tell her to back down? Or am i overreacting? Any help would be greatly appreciated as this has been going on for six months :) thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2010): I would never let a boyf of mine have a pretty girl sit on his lap and play fight with him! Or any girl (unless she was like his 6 year old little sister or something)
A
female
reader, lotsofgiggles123  +, writes (12 August 2008):
 i think you should be cool with that their freinds and i think you should believe your bf cuz if they say their freinds theres a good chance its true sure shes sits on his lap and stuff but evry friend ship has a wierd thing about it sure maybe you being a tiny bit paranoid but im sure your just worried and dont worry im sure that they are just freinds
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A
male
reader, gabba's say  +, writes (12 August 2008):
 sounds like he is screwing her for sure.
If it hurts you and they dont stop then definitly.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2008): I've been in the same situation. Maybe even worse. My boyfriend and his twin brother have a female best friend of several years, way before I came around. It so happens to be that she loves my bf. She lost her viginity to him, and they were secretly sexualy active for 4 years. but he didn't love her the same way, and she got tired of it. So I came around and she backed off, but I was not aware of their past.
She would still come around because she was very close to his brother. And I happen to like her a lot. I thought she was really cool, and down to earth.
These guys were lucky to have her around. Very smart and always there for them. I thought the best of her, while she was probably thinking the worst of me. Faking to like me as much as I did her. I really wanted to be her friend too. But she did keep her distance. She did the right thing in letting us be. And never intercame.
shes 4 years older than them. That is why she thought it was wrong to be with him, and never wanted to make it public.
On our 1st yr anniverary he confessed everything to me. I was in shock mode for about a week. He let know that he didn't love her that way, and that shes very important to both of them, that he was always gunna be there for her and that if I wasn't ok with that I could hit the road. More of a reason to dump him, but I told him that I really liked her, and never thought of her in any bad way. But I couldn't get over it.
He told her I knew everything, but I learned to accept the fact that it was her first love, and I couldn't blame her. She has a wonderful spirit, and well she rather have him as a friend than nothing at all. She wasn't all over him, never the type to be all touchy and lovey dovey.
Its been 4 years since then and yet she hasn't found a new love.
I know deep in my heart she still loves him, and she was there before me, but I love him to and he chose me. I recently moved 45mins away from him, and she's only 5mins away. She is constantly there and its starting to bother me. And she has tried to be with him again recently. I wanted to kick her ass, and slap her around a couple of times, to make her snap out of it. That's not love anymore, its an obssession. I really wish she could move on but maybe staying friends hasn't let her. I have told her to back off without him knowing, that if she was really a bestfriend she wouldn't want to hurt us in any way.
I don't want to lose his trust and never did I want things to get so heated, but she made it this way. I never interfered with their friendship, but she interfered in my realtionship, so I was right on this one. I let him know and he was okay with it. It sucks that we could have had a good friendship but she chose otherwise.
So my advice is to take matter into ur own hands. Tell her to back off, that if she really is a bestfriend to respect the boundaries, and respect the fact that he is not single, that u are actually there. Maybe ur bf doesn't have any intentions to her whatsoever, but she might be a little jealouse that he was all hers at a point, as a friend, & she cant accept that there is another women in his life now, and her role is just to be a friend, that's it. She might think she has will power over u, but u come first now, its not like ur making him choose.
well keep us psted, and good luck.
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A
female
reader, Lilly Rose +, writes (12 August 2008):
 Well if my fella had his mate sit on his lap i would go mad. Im sure that would make any girl jealous. Maybe he likes the attention, but doesnt want her in that way. Tell him its hurting you and exactly how you feel. He proberly just see's her like a little sister, and when you have that bond with someone you never usually cross that line.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2008): so you say she sits on his lap cuddles up to him well id be jelous and anoyed and she may have feelings for your bf and he might have feelings for her but not in fancy if he says he luvs you trust him on tat but if it dus carry on to bother you tell her to bk off abit
**good**look**
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A
female
reader, BigSis +, writes (12 August 2008):
 LoL! @ Spiffeh.
: )
x
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A
female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (12 August 2008):
 YIKE! Sorry honey, but I think you have every reason to be jealous. they sound tooo touchy touchy to me. It isn't right. I had something like this happen to me when I was your age. Except they hadn't known each other for years. He eventually dumped me for her.
When they do this thing in front of you, tell them to knock it off! If they don't, then leave and don't go back. If he loves you, he will not let you go for more than a day to brute over it. Set your rules. They don't abide, then do what you think is best.
I have a fight on my hands now too, with MY boyfriend. I am about to dump him if he doesn't mend his ways, which also has to do with a trust issue.
Keep us posted to let us know what happens.
XXX
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2008): What I am saying is harsh but please know I am saying it for your benefit as I don't believe in being too soft otherwise the point is missed. You have raised this 'activity' as a concern and said it bothers you? and yet it continues? neither your boyfriend or his 'best friend' care for your feelings as this continues and they excuse it which is immature and trust me the actions you describe are not 'just friends' and I have seen this go too far following a few drinks - meaningful or not. It seems to me this behaviour is flirting and whilst I do not doubt your boyfriend loves you he has no concept of respectful boundaries. When things are a little more 'physical' and not just friends (sitting on a lap is more than friendly) then I think a line has been crossed and you are right to be concerned and irritated. I would not stand for this at all and I think you have been patient so far. It matters little whether this woman is stunning or downright ugly in your eyes she is being too intimate with your boyfriend. A friend has coffee, maybe the odd drink but involves you too in their friendship so there are no secrets or odd feelings and does not make you feel bad for your own concerns. Does this best friend of his have her own boyfriend? How does he feel if so about all the close body language? I don't think any normal guy would be entirely happy. Your boyfriend needs to accept you don't like it and it makes you uncomfortable and stop - that should be his priority i.e. your feelings - not his 'friend' as it strikes me he gets the best of both worlds like it is. Has anyone else commented on their friendship and how its a little bit flirty?? It might help to get people on your side to casually mention something. But you should tell him straight and know that you are not wrong. Gut instinct is something to be followed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2008): Personally, I would have a problem with her sitting on his lap, and things like that. That is stepping over the line, and I think your boyfriend is being insensitive for letting that kind of behavior continue. Just tell your boyfriend that she has got to stop with the snuggly stuff, and if he respects your feelings he will understand and stop it. Please let us know how it goes Sugar Booger!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2008): This is TOTALLY disrespectful behavior! No way should she be sitting on his lap and snuggling with him. You need to put your foot down in the situation.
Tell your boyfriend that you understand that it is all innocent and you are trying to be accepting of their relationship, but your relationship is important to..and this is too difficult for you to deal with and needs to stop immediately. I am not asking, I am saying this. Then give him a consequence. Becuase this hurts me, if it happens again, I will walk out of the room and you can spend your day with her, I will go home to chill out. Be prepared to follow through on this as he may test you. If he does, just remember it's just a test and I doubt that you will have to do this many more times, Once should be enough.
Now, for this woman. Does she have a boyfriend? If you can share a little on her, we can probably get something going for her as well.
Don't let these two control the situation
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A
female
reader, Spiffeh.. +, writes (12 August 2008):
 I would like to give you advice but it would all end up with her being a pile of broken twigs.. =] x
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A
female
reader, Emaz help +, writes (12 August 2008):
 I'd be nnoyed too so don't worry you're not over reacting butas he's told you that it's you he loves and not her then you should trust him
But just ask him not to do stuff e.g. play fight infront of you as it upsets you
You shouldn't worry about her being pretty because if he liked her that much then i'm sure he'd be with her or would have been with her before
Try not to worry toooo much
hope i've helped
=]
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