A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice on online dating.I just started dating again ...so i'm am new to what is acceptable or not.Recently i set up a profile on a decent website. I have gotten a lot of responses However, one person in particular caught my eye by the amazing profile that he wrote. I just connected through it and knew that this guys was who I was looking for. He made contact first..So after some email exchanges, chatting online, talking on the phone, and texting everyday. he was someone that i clearly had chemistry and connnection with. Then yesterday, when everything was going so well. He did something that turned me off.He said he had a naughty pic to send me. My version of naughty is like him "mooning" me or something.Well..i downloaded the pic, and it was a pic of his penis. I didn't know how to feel. Part of me was upset, the other part was horny for him. (i haven't had sex in a looong time)I guess what i'm upset about is that I wish he would have waited until after we met, after we became intimate to share these personal pics.He is very outgoing, and not shy at all.I express to him my concerns and he said that's he didn't think it was a big deal. He said he felt extremely comfortable with me and liked me a lot and that is why he sent it. He apologize if it offended me but he said he's a very sexual person.Anyway . my question is..Am I being prude and making a big deal out of nothing? He says he can't believe I'm throwing everything we have away over a picture.We do have a lot in common and before all this, i thought i found someone that could be a best friend in my life. Now I don't know what to think, and ask him for some time to think things through. thanks for the advice
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female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (17 October 2008):
 Just to let people know what a "sexual person" is generally means someone that is very confident with their sexuality and have a very high drive. So say if this was a meeting in real life it means the person would be very touchy feeling to entice sexual excitment in their partner.I doesn't sound creepy to me at all because I have said this to my now husband when we were dating online and again I am not surprised he sent you a picture of his penis. I ASKED for a picture of my husbands penis and offered my own pictues of my breats.Let us remember that people who date online have one thing that people who meet in person have. Body language. We totally lack the whole body contact. We dont have the opportunity to subtly look and very discreatly touch or rub up against erogenous zones so people who have a sexual appitite in a relationship will want try to make up for it. Either by asking or sending picture yes for arousalment and because we cant touch or read our partners body because we are not there. Its a turn on and it also makes the person feel wanted in a sexual way.Personally he has taken the time to know you and I am assuming he knows how old you are. So when someone says "naughty" it cant be completely faulted on him for you not knowing he ment a picture of his penis. Even when you said it it conjoured up pictures of nudity to me.I would say have a talk with him some more and say you werent comfortable with him sending you a picture like that. Tell him even though he is a very sexual person you would prefere some things to be done offline.
A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (17 October 2008):
 Tell me about it. Ive wasted many hours meeting up with people from the net back in the day. If they hadn't lied about having actually moved out of the exes, they had ancient pictures on their profile. Needless to say I am single and staying that way now. I dont think i'm very lucky with online dating. If anything is meant to be, I will meet them when out and about. Its not like i'm a hermit.
When I look back at the money ive wasted on dating sites I chuckle.
Good luck.
C xxxxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2008): Such is long-distance internet dating it seems.
I can only recommend getting out and meeting people face to face. At least you'll see what you're getting and you're less likely to end up disappointed.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for the advice. it just suck big time because you "talk" to a person and get to know them...kinda dig them...and its all for nothing. Such a waste of time and energy.
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A
female
reader, Full moon temptress1 +, writes (16 October 2008):
I had a simular sort of thing.Got out of a long term relationship, starting chatting on web cam.All of a sudden he got up from his chair and he had no trousers on.I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.Simular things happened other times with different men.Eventually i disconnected my webcam.Decided the only way to meet a guy is to get out there and meet them face to face.Its the way the dating game goes on the net i'm afraid.xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): I don't blame you for feeling weird/confused about this guy. He says he's an "extremely sexual person"..that sets off major warning bells to me. Does he send his stuff to every woman he writes to? It makes you wonder. He sounds kind of creepy to me, and in it for just one thing. I think I'd say "sayonara" to this bozo...he could be far creepier than you might imagine if this is how he starts off!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): "He says he can't believe I'm throwing everything we have away over a picture"
Throwing everything away? Good Lord, you don't have ANYTHING!
I wouldn't dream of sending a picture of my tackle to a woman I'd never met - not least because she'd probably laugh her socks off at the size of it! I suggest you do likewise and don't contact him again.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (16 October 2008):
I would run as fast as my feet would carry me.
How many other women has he sent his private pics to.
Its almost like he's trying to woo you with his genitals, and that would ring alarm bells to me, and I would find it insulting.
Dating sites are usually alright, but ive lost count of the amount of guy friends that have mentioned the fact they think women on them are easy, and desperate.
Which I know isn't true, but it looks like you have met a guy that thinks you're desperate for a shag or something?
C xxxxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): Ask him if he's done to other women. Is he trying to be a porn star? I think it was lude, indecent 'exposure'...men are visual while woman are more turned on by words...a guy like this is a dime a dozen
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): Welcome to the Internet c 2008. The penis pic is now a common form of communication, like the calling card was in polite society in 1900. Especially in online dating. That doesnt mean that you have to like it, or think its appropriate, or be flattered that he thinks you'd think it was ok.On the other hand, he did ask you if you wanted the "naughty" picture. Thats pretty much what you are going to get. Its not totally fair to him that you are naive enough to not know what you are agreeing to. Keep talking but dont meet yet. You should probably get more information to be sure where you are with the guy and develop your relationship more. Maybe in a year the two of you will look back and laugh that your relationship started like this. Or maybe you'll get more internet experience and decide the guy is wrong for you. [BTW the phrase "very sexual person" seems creepy to me.]
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (16 October 2008):
 follow your instincts. is he just in it for sex?
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