A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi!well basically, iv been in a long term relationship with someone previously for almost 3 years... and within the three years i have been through a lot with them for example his cheated on me and i stil took him in.. and that has messed me up alot! coz i took him in only coz i didnt wana hurt him the way he had hurt him.. lame excuse! but i guess its coz i was too afraid to let go! but nevertheless, that wasnt one of the issues, it was when he broke up with me so unexpectedly, coz as far as i was concerned and everyoneelse we was both goin good! really good! so when he broke up, it was completel unexpected and hurt.. and i went slightly obsessive and then to only find out that i was pregnant with our 3rd child! and my health went from bad to worse and so did the issues with my family too.. so u can imagine eveything jus t came tumbling down for me! But anyway, eventually me and him drifted apart, as i was starting with uni, and he was takin a gap year.. thou we didnt speak often, we slightly knew what was goin on with eachother.. and everytime he was involved wit a girl it'l always hurt.. it stil slightly does and its been almost 2years since we broke up! but despite all that, iv met a really nice guy! he is soo decent, treats me like gold, makes me feel like a proper princess the way he treats me... and in regards to my ex, his much better! I know that i love him as iv known him for almost two years too and my feelings for him grow much stronger.. its made me realise that with my ex, i fell out of love with him from the point he cheated on me.. but coz i was too afraid of being alone i stayed wit him! pathetic i know! but its all so confusing, coz recently my ex decided to cut all contact wit me, whcih i didnt mind at first, coz we both have gone our separate ways.. but at the same time, i cant stop thinkin bout him..his with this new girl now, ready settle down, but it stil hurts me that the way his treatin his current girl, why cudnt he treat me like that, with a lil respect, especially after everythin he put me through! iv never felt so used! and its now affectin my current relationship coz im scared to let me my current partner in, althou i know he wont hurt me coz his made big plans for me n him, speakin bout marriage in a couple of years! but im not entirely sure whether im over my ex or not! and at the same time i dnt wana hurt him! and something inside me is stil kind of waiting for my ex to return back! but i dont know why!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): "im too scared to tell my current boyfriend about my past,coz i know i'll lose him"Why will you lose him? Be specific and answer in detail."he merely knows nothing about my past"This is common, is he from the same culture? Remember, he treats you like a princess, so he cares about you. Dating is where we get to know someone well enough to think about what we want to know, don't want to know, and how much we think we can live with them."i know that he would be disgusted about my past, especially that iv had 2 miscarriages and forced to have a 3rd termination! esp coz of my culture!"Again, why, in detail? What culture? 3rd termination (I assume you mean an "elective abortion"). 2 Miscarriages implies that you might have trouble having children (or were those elective terminations).Really, honesty is the best policy, first and foremost. He should be able to decide what he wants to know, and if he doesn't ask then that's ok as well. But, if a question is asked, honesty is the only way to go.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): hi, im the person who wrote the question, i appreciate all ur responses... but theres one other thing... im too scared to tell my current boyfriend about my past,coz i know i'll lose him...he merely knows nothing about my past...i know that he would be disgusted about my past, especially that iv had 2 miscarriages and forced to have a 3rd termination! esp coz of my culture!
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A
female
reader, Adorskable  +, writes (4 January 2011):
 Everytime you find yourself thinking on your ex and feeling miserable because you feel that you might still want him, than at that point you stop and think back to when he was a jerk to you. Don't worry about him, about how he treats his now girlfriend, put him aside and think on you. Think on your new relationship and its only fair you give your new man 100% of you and your thoughts.
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A
female
reader, pinkpoodle5  +, writes (4 January 2011):
 I would definately consider counseling for yourself. You are codependent. I am in theraphy for codependency issues. No one deserves to be treated in the disrespectful manner in which he treated you.
You are not still in love with him. You are having a hard time letting go of a dream that you had.
He will eventually start treating the new girl with disrespect.
Work on you. Good Luck
Hugs To You
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): You aren't over the ex and what he did, but that doesn't mean that you can't move on and that you are not "past him".Now, you have NO IDEA how he is really treating the new girl. Get that in your brain solidly. He's probably treating her exactly like he treated you, even if nobody else knows it.Trauma is trauma, it leaves scars, and your new friend needs to know about this as you get to know him better. Otherwise he won't understand your reactions to him."met a really nice guy! he is soo decent, treats me like gold, makes me feel like a proper princess the way he treats me"So, what do you do? Right? Well, that much is simple. Treat him like a prince, make him feel like gold, tell him that you care about him, like/love him, and don't hold back.Be open and honest with him.
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A
male
reader, Itsjustflirting +, writes (4 January 2011):
 You are probably over him more than you think but anyone you had good feelings with and memories with will usually hang with you forever. That's normal. You are probably more, missing the feelings than anything.
But you are young. You still have feelings to experience that you can't even imagine yet. You will fill the void and, not saying you wouldn't still have some feelings for him, but your new feelings will be stronger, better, and more enjoyable than the ones of loss.
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