A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys, I'd love some advice on how you stop yourself turning into a mother- or sister- or friend-type of girlfriend, if that makes sense? I've been with my bf for 4 months, think he's gorgeous, kind, caring, funny, intelligent, sexy. He's the kind of person that always offers to help out with things, which I do too. But, I really want to keep our relationship going as it is-I guess we're in the honeymoon stage, and I want to keep it like that for as long as possible. I know dynamics change after that initial honeymoon stage, but I want to prevent us from getting into the kind of relationship where it feels like you're acting like a mother/sister/friend, if that makes sense? Like, I care about him lots, and like to help him out with stuff (like housework, chores he needs to do, etc) when I can, does that spoil the honeymoon phase of attraction and love and lust? If a guy feels you are caring for him in those practical ways, does it make him desire you less?With my ex, we were together 7 years, and in the end, it felt like we were best friends but lost that love/lust stuff. And my other friends say they feel more like a mother to their bfs, cleaning up after them and stuff...I really want to avoid those dynamics!Thanks for your help :) x
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male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (5 January 2011):
There are many reasons why relationships start out exciting and new, and settle into a different kind of relationship later on. As you get to know someone more deeply, and the depth of your feelings move beyond just the physical - this is a good thing but its good to be able to keep that sense of attraction too. Our deeper relationships are likely to mimic our deep relationships that we expereince in our family grouwing up, which is why we form mothering and sibling like relationships sometimes. This is also determined by the inherent nature of the relationship with our parner, we connect more as lovers with some people than with others, more as friends with some than others. There are a few things you can do to keep the spark up. Keep things new, spontaneous, try changing some of the things in the relationship that are assumed. Another important thing is doing what you want and being true to yourself in your relationship. Don't just do what your partner wants you to do, make sure that you want to do it too. If you don't then don't, stand up for what you want. Its a great way to live your life, and it makes you more attractive to be assertive and have a sense of your own strength and power. The other thing is to be aware of automatic patterns of behaviour that you fall into, such as always mothering, always cleaning up after your partner, or always moaning when you come home, always taking care of them rather than you, or always smiling and being friendly. These patterns prevent you from being true to yourself and speaking your mind. Finally, you can work at keeping your sex life important and passionate. If you feel your passion dying, its time to put some work into it, and usually this starts with talking about it. Try to see it as something you can both work at together, like a team effort, rather than you versus him. Good luck.
A
male
reader, spnwinchester +, writes (5 January 2011):
Hmm spend a little less time with him, make him want to see you more often and miss you desperately.
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