A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. I am currently pregnant and since I've gotten pregnant all he does is talk to his exs. I feel like I am not good enough for him and that he is looking for someone else. I don't wanna lose him but he can't ever be hones t with me... He has shown up with random scratches on his back and won't be sexual with me at all but constantly hounds me for blow jobs and to try anal sex and when he does want to be sexual is has to be missionary even though it's hurts me due to how far along I am... If I do give in and give him a bj after that he rolls over and sleeps he won't even touch me... I found him on fake account talking to his ex and telling them he's just living with me for the child that I'm nothing to him but he claims to want to marry me and everything else.... His best friends says I can't make him stop what he is doing because men will be men but in my opinion if your not happy leave why put me through the ringer when all I am doing is making you miserable.... I've tried talking things out but at this point I can't even stand the sight of him... Yes I probably answered my own question and I know the right thing to do is leave him but I feel like I've done something wrong to make him do this and I just wanna know I'm not crazy and that it's not me that it's not me pushing him away its him running away on his own free will
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anal sex, best friend, blow-job, his ex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2013): Agree with Serpico 100%. An innocent child faces the sad prospect of being born into a transient, unstable, volatile living situation as the product of an unhealthy, dysfunctional, short-term coupling that doesn't merit being legitimized as a "relationship."Unfortunate for you and child that while this guy is a scumbag loser, he is the scumbag loser with whom you chose to lay down and by whom you are now knocked up so you and he are now tied for the duration, or at least the next 18+ years. At the very least he has the ongoing legal obligation to financially support his spawn in lieu of government assistance. And no matter how big a scumbag loser he is, you have no right to deny your child access to his/her father or deny him access to his child (barring criminal behavior, substance abuse or mental incapacity). Your kid didn't pick his/her sperm depositor, YOU did. I know I'm talking to a wall, but you should seriously consider adoption as an option. There are many infertile mature married couples who can bring a newborn home to the loving, happy, stable, secure, nurturing home that every child deserves and you are years away from being able to offer, if ever.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 January 2013):
 you are right you need to leave him. he's a cheat and a liar and not even a very nice man.
AND it's NOTHING YOU DID WRONG. this is not your fault.
It's an inherent flaw in him as a decent human being (he's not one)
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (9 January 2013):
I know crazy idea, but how about getting married before you decide to have a child with someone? Not a religious view, but a relationship one. How someone can commit to a child before they can commit to each other is beyond me, and IMO very unfair to the child.
At the end of the day, you and he are now irreversibly liked, forever. Whatever he does from this day forward, he will in some way be in your life. You cant just leave, walk out, etc. He will (almost) always have a right to be present in some way. IMO, things like this should be strongly considered before making a commitment to something as important as bringing another life into the world.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (9 January 2013):
 You havent done anything wrong at all, and please dont listen to his friends saying "men will be men" - not all men are like this! If a man truly loves you and respects you then he would never be talking to other women behind your back, nor would he ever put you through discomfort during sex when you are heavily pregnant. This guy is a jerk, a complete idiot who is treating you like crap and there is no reason for you to stay any longer and put up with it.
You are not pushing him away at all, it sounds like you are doing everything you possibly can to make him happy but he isnt giving you anything back, apart from disrespect. You have tried talking, it sounds like you have done your best to make this work but he is not putting the efffort in - it takes two to tango and if he is not making any effort then there is only so long you can carry on flogging a dead horse.
The best thing to do for your own happiness is to leave, and this in turn will be the best thing for the baby. You are only going to end up with complications in your pregnancy if you stay with him because you will be getting more and more stressed which will harm the baby. Children should not be raised in unhappy environments, I know the ideal would be to have a happy family unit where mum and dad are together, but when this is not possible the second best thing is for mum and dad to seperate so they are both happier away from each other. It is very harmful to raise a child in an environment where mum and dad cant stand each other, are fighting all the time and there is constant tension.
I think you already know what to do for the best, I dont think there is anything more you can try to make this work when your boyfriend has claimed he is only with you for the child - it sounds like the love has gone on both sides and it is time to call it a day.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, jay3532 +, writes (9 January 2013):
need to talk to him more and air out your problems. Only way forward is communication, even if you fear it.. it has to be done or you will always wonder the same question. Show him this post. REgards. FJ
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 January 2013):
 It's not you, it's him, but , at the end of the day, what difference does it make ? Your relationship is not working and not giving you any joy, he is a cheater, he treats you in an appalling way, and ,please do tell me, what kind of an asshole insists for having sex with a pregnant woman in a position that hurts her ??..
So, even supposing it was you who turned him off and pushed him away, well, you'd have to thank your lucky stars and be GRATEFUL that you are pushing away such a loser !
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (9 January 2013):
 That sounds like a horrible situation and I know its not easy to leave someone when you are pregnant with their child. You do need to think about whether being with him is causing you more pain and stress than being on your own would. Obviously being on your own is an unknown, but if you stay in a situation where you are unhappy you are condoning his behaviour.
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