A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:helloI'm dating a girl for three months now and I feel a strange pattern now in her behaviour !After every two weeks or so, she'll start ignoring in a sense that she'll take extra time to reply than usual and she'll seem less excited to see me ! She would show as she's busy when she's not ! I'm sure she's interested so that's not the case !She'll reply later though after few hours. I usually just wait so I don't seem needy ! I do not bombard her with texts or calls and only write back when she does !Even when we meet in person , I give her space if she wants to spend time with her friends and I'm very cool about it . (When we meet at university )I confronted her last time and it got worse in a sense that I ended up giving up on her completely as I felt she wasn't interested ! I was wrong - she was and still is ! Instead of a straight forward answer when I confronted her, she rather told me rudely, she would talk when she likes and I felt as I was being a trouble ! Thus, I slowly started to ignore her in phases. Later, however, she talked to me after a week that we should clear things out and we started back on same old terms and things got much better !Usually we are talking a lot in and out when we can and we both enjoy each others company so it's not she's losing interest I guess!Now again since three days she's ignoring me as I see her online and she wouldn't reply right away and take hours on purpose ! In person I'm also keeping my distance from her and just stay a minute around and go away ! I'll meet her tomorrow though !I do not like being manipulative or manipulated so I'm thinking of breaking up with her if this continues two more times!Further, I usually just like being upfront and talk about things but last time it didn't go well so I don't want to talk either !What should I do ?I really like her and I do not want to break up but if this continues again and again, I'll have to break up I suppose !Am I too quick to jump on conclusions or is there's something I'm doing wrong or anything I'm missing out or something she expects me to do ? please help !
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 February 2014):
 I agree that the current generation demands CONSTANT INSTANT feedback. Gone are the days of waiting to get a letter from your suitor.
She may be playing games but you are playing them right back.
IF you need someone who is up in your face 24/7 and at your beck and call clearly she is not the girl for you.
SINCE this is going on more than one time already I'm not sure why you set the criteria of if it happens two more times you are done.
IF you are not happy with her behavior then leave.
People need to stop loving a person's POTENTIAL and accept them for where they are and who they are.
A
male
reader, methuselah +, writes (17 February 2014):
Hello,
You know something, reading your letter about this girl's behaviour drained me. I'm agreeing totally with Roboaxe here.
This type of 'relationship' just drains you and works and works on your emotions. I would let this go. I think it is all about game playing and 'when she feels like it.'
My advice is to give yourself some peace of mind and just walk away politely.
Sorry! That's the best i can offer you!
Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (17 February 2014):
 I do agree with the anon poster who mentions dating rules. There is some crazy advice out there, designed to keep men keen when all it does is cause confusion. Either that or she's a flake.
Talk to her, ask her why she does this, tell her how it makes you feel. If she can't engage in an adult conversation about this, she's not a keeper.
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A
male
reader, DragonMan +, writes (17 February 2014):
 Greetings,My advise would be simple,Confront or retreat?From what you are saying she won't answer your questions about this directly, either meaning she has something to hide or wants to keep you interested aka manipulating you. She knows you want her but doesn't feel the need to gratify you with the truth and for me that is suspicious.Confront her about this, and to hell with how she'll make you feel (guilt trip etc).The other option is to walk away, permenantly.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (17 February 2014):
 I think it's a tragedy that the younger generation are being brainwashed and reprogrammed in the way they consider and maintain their relationships based on the amount of hour by hour contact they get from their partners via social networking.
Before the internet/mobile phones and email people dated quite happily without the need for constant verification and attention from their partner.
We had the telephone (landlines and call boxes) and you might speak to your boy/girlfriend a couple times in the week to make arrangements for the weekend and we didn't worry so much. We trusted that the person liked us and that when we didn't see them or speak to them, they were probably doing other things...just as we were (working, doing homework, chores, catching up with other friends, going to the doctor, school, having time to themselves to read a book or do some other hobby)..............
Today!...NO, we don't allow that, we expect immediate gratification and immediate answers. Constant hourly reminders and interaction that everything is OK and if there is even a few hours delay in the communication we have a nervous break down and start over reacting and getting all fatalistic.
We have become communication junkies and it is destroying our interactions with other people...we communicate more but we are saying less than ever before because we have shifted our empahasis of importance.
Even the number of kisses sent on a text message are under scrutiny and nobody gets to be themselves or make a mistake or take some time away anymore...it's a real shame and it's no wonder that this over spying/texting/messaging/paranoid/mistrusting phenomenon is changing the way we feel about others and ourselves.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2014): It could just be the way that she is, or, if you feel manipulated, she could be doing something like following THE RULES - this is a book written for women who basically play hard to get in order to win a husband. The point is though that if you feel manipulated and you've talked to her about it and she can't give any reason other than she will talk to you when she feels like it then I'd just walk. She's either playing some silly game or she's just not that into you - she is to the extent that she likes seeing you, but not all over you so to speak. Just dump her.
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A
male
reader, Roboaxe +, writes (17 February 2014):
 Dude, I honestly just went through a relationship that was exactly like yours.
She acts interested when she sees you, and suddenly takes days to reply for texts or calls for no reason. And whenever you try to confront her about it, she gives excuses or makes it seem like it's your fault.
My advice as a guy who just went through this, end it. It is not going to get better. That is just the kind of girl she is. If you don't end it, she will. That's what happened to me. You don't need to keep going through this emotional torture, it's very draining.
Keep your chin up!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2014): Ya it sounds like she's playing games with you. Perhaps SHE doesn't want to seem needy. Usually people will do this because of a past relationship they had where they gave so much attention the their boyfriend and it backfired. People want what they can't have.
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