A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:A year ago a guy who used to date my friend (let's call him Joe) suddenly announced that he liked me while we were both drunk at a party. We ended up kissing, but the next day I regretted it and thought that it must have just been a strategy to get back at her. This sort of thing continued though, and we went out on a few dates, but nothing was ever official. He did ask me to be his girlfriend about a month into things, I said no as I still wasn't sure if he was being sincere. The thing was, that Joe only ever called or texted me once every few weeks. I began to wonder what he did in the time in between. It seemed that he only ever wanted to meet up when it suited him and every time I asked him if he would like to come over or go out the answer was always no.I decided that he wasn't right for me and gave up on things. We didn't talk for 3 months. Then, out of the blue, Joe shows up at my house. We go to the pub down the road, and sure enough, a couple of drinks later and caution was thrown to the wind. Outside my house I started yelling at him about all the things he had done which annoyed me while we were seeing each other... but he had an excuse for everything and the next thing I knew I was waking up next to him the morning after.Joe promised to meet me the night after this incident, but he didn't show up to the club. I sent him a message asking where he was, and he simply stated that he was ill... I couldn't believe he didn't let me know sooner. Of course this lead to a few drinks with a good friend of mine (let's call him John), we both got pretty plastered and ended up having sex.I like John, don't get me wrong, but I don't know if it would work out between us as we are complete opposites. We work well as friends, but I'm afraid to commit to anything more. I also don't know what would have happened if Joe had showed up like he was supposed to. Now John thinks we should start a relationship, but I'm absolutely terrified and feel incredibly guilty about what happened... but I'm also worried I'll lose his friendship. Either way I risk losing a great friend, but will the risk be more if we try out a relationship or not?
View related questions:
drunk, kissing, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (8 October 2008):
 I think you can write Joe off as an charming but irresponsible and erratic fellow. Don't worry about trying to date him, and just keep yourself at arm's length from now on.
As far as John goes, what's the rush? Why do you have to leap into a full-blown relationship right away? He sounds a wee bit pushy about this, so just tell him that you're uncertain about pursuing this relationship. If you're worried about what to tell him about Joe, just say that it was an on-again off-again thing and just didn't work out due to mutual lack of interest. And leave it at that.
Whatever happened to going out on dates? And THEN deciding if you want to become boyfriend/girlfriend? I'd be very honest with John; you're not sure you want to go into a relationship as you are very different people. You like him very much as a friend but aren't certain he's your romantic type yet. The booze made you do something that you weren't really prepared for, and you want to start from scratch with him. Just be honest without being mean.
And please, please, please don't let alcohol make your decisions for you. There are lots of new babies and funky viruses out there as a result of beer goggles. Sorry, just had to get one nag in there.
Good luck!
|
