A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my BF for almost 2 years. He is my first love and boyfriend, my first kiss, i lost my virginity to him, bascially he's my first everything. He's dated and had experience in the past which is fine. Anyway, from the moment i met him i immediately liked him, and as time went on we both fell in love and i started thinking that I would oneday marry him. We were dating almost a year when he told me that he had kissed a girl twice in our 2nd month of dating. He felt horrible about it and it never meant anything to him at the time, and he realized that he screwed up but didn't want to tell me bc he didn't want to hurt me but eventually it was eating him alive. It broke my heart, but i went on to forgive him, but ever since then i couldn't help but look at him in a different way. I had him stacked up to be this honorable person, and he let me down. He loves me very much, and has told me that he wants to marry me oneday and i do believe him. I don't doubt that he loves me, my only wonder is if i really love him the way he says he loves me?We've been having fights/arguements for the last few months and gradually his "cute" habits have become irritating and annoying and i get really short-tempered sometimes. We got into a fight this weekend, and i didn't speak to him for about 2-3 days, and i honestly didn't feel sad or happy or anything. I just didn't care and it didn't bother me to not speak to him, which was never the case. He contacted me first,and he said that i didn't care, which is partly true i guess, but i said that i did care. We ended up talking for over 6 hours and both agreed that we could work on our ends to fix the problems. I told him that i dont want to give up on something that i had valued for so long, but honestly i really dont know how i feel today. We talked last night and he asked me again if i was sure that i wanted to stay with him and wouldn't change my mind in a week, and i said yes, but when i think about him, i don't feel anything. No rush or quick heartbeats or anything. Maybe it's because i'm still upset about arguing, or am i just not in love with him like i used to be? I do enjoy spending time with him, when were not fighting, and i have fun with him, he makes me laugh. Everything is SO comfortable with him, and i don't want to give it up. But i don't know if i'm lying to myself in thinking im in love with him, rather than just loving him. I'm so confused and i really don't ever want to hurt him. He's a good person at heart and he tries to make me happy all the time, but i just don't know what to do.Thanks so much for listening
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2007): Well I guess you have to assess your own feelings since no one here can tell you how you feel.Picture yourself with him... picture yourself making love to him... picture yourself marrying him, having his baby, raising children together, being together forever- buying a house together, etc, etc. Does it make you feel excited? Happy? Are you eagerly anticipating these things? Does it make you smile? Does it make you feel uneasy or unsure? Does it make you feel downright miserable?Picture yourself moving on without him... being single, buying your own apartment, etc, etc. Does this make you feel happy, or does it make you feel anxious and unsettled? Just look ahead into your future and find the scenario that makes you feel at peace.There is no point marrying someone if marrying them won't make you happy... It'll be a loveless unsatisfying relationship.Anyway, I have been with my man for 4 years and, like you, he was my first love, and I lost my virginity to him. When I picture our future together I get butterflies in my stomach and I can't help but smile. When I picture my life moving on without him, it seems empty. Good luck.
A
female
reader, lala1806 +, writes (27 October 2007):
 alright i can see why your so confused.....many people may not agree with me but i think that you should have ended it the moment he told you about his little affairs even if he were only dating you for 2 months at the time....because the way i see it number one; he cheated on you, no matter how serious the act was its still cheating and 2 he didnt even let you know right away.....maybe it would be easy for me to forgive someone for that if they came to me right away rather then sitting on it til they couldnt handle it any longer....to me a guy that takes that long to tell someone something is just waiting til there is some time and space between the incident for some reason they think it might soften the blow but to me it would make me even more furious because all that time they were not being honest with me you dont have to come out and straight verbally telling a lie just keeping something from someone especially when it comes to something like that.....but now about ur feelings or lack of feelings....i dont think that you should go much longer with this relationship....if the feelings are just not there they are not there its that simple....and having fear of leaving is no reason to stay....i know that he is your first for everything and i know from experience that that causes a lot of problems for you when you are trying to figure out whether to stay or not u have a deeper emotional attachment to him then just being his girlfriend....but you will always have love for him he has something of yours that he can give back nor can anyone every take it from him or get it from you....this is ur virginity obviously we are talking about...but again main reason your soo attached and confused....he will always be your first love everyone has one of those but thats why they are called your first love because there will be more, it doesnt end here....this would be better off used as a learning tool and a stepping stone to better your next potential relationships...and since i kno you love him this is why its important that you end the relationship because if you know your not feeling anything for him you need to let him know, don't drag him along for ten months like he did with you about the affairs then decide to break the bad news to him....tell him now because if you want him in your life at all don't lead him on be honest he will be bitter of course and it will take him time to want to be around you but eventually im sure he will move on just like you will and you can be friends rather than enemies because your leading him on....If your not quite sure your able to do that at least still be honest with him and work on the relationship because then in the future you decide you still have no feelings left for him he cant get mad at you for leaving because you were honest with him and he knew it was a possiblity........
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A
male
reader, xLamentedxAmourx +, writes (27 October 2007):
 Babe, you are just getting used to him now. It is like with your parents for example. You love them (maybe), but they are quite annoying sometimes. You do not really feel anything when you think about them, you just know that you care about them.
If you feel happy, and all that you explained is true, you sound in love to me. However, could you see yourself away from him? If you can, now is the time to make your relationship better. Rekindle that first feeling you had with him. Take time out and spend time with him.
Either that, or ask yourself if you are now bored with him. If he is your first everything, and you are bored ... how can you expect to stay committed to anyone? Just work thing out in your head, then act. Be sure that what you are doing is what you want, and by that I mean for the best.
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A
female
reader, superdopah  +, writes (27 October 2007):
As your relationship is it isnt fair on either of you, why dont you suggest on him about going on a break say for a month and buy the end of it you will def know what you want and he will know where he stands.
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