A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been single for a year now and I am starting to get really frustrated with it. I am a attractive and interesting 22 year old girl. I am over weight, but I, and other guys I know find my body very sexy because of it's shape; I'm very hour glass. I never get asked out on dates, the guys I approach aren't interested. I was talking through text to a guy I met online and we got a long so well! We met up, and I had a good time, so I waited, texted him to let him know I enjoyed meeting him, and nothing. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong here. Is it simply my weight thats holding me back? I also hear guys don't like funny girls? Am I just not a date able girl? It's a hit to the ego when you havn't had someone attracted to you for more than sex in over a year.
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male
reader, human_male  +, writes (19 July 2013):
 It's not your weight or your sense of humor. I love funny women. I wish I could offer you some advice but it's beyond me. I guess maybe it could be that you're just going for the super hot guys, and simply ignoring or not noticing the other guys that DO approach you. Could that be it?
If not I don't know. I'm in the same boat. I think I'm a pleasant person, a good man and not too bad to look at but no one is interested in me. If can really get you down. How good it would feel for someone just to show some interest in me so I'm know I'm not broken somehow.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2013): I don't know what those people are smoking who say guys don't like funny girls. They sure as hell do! That's part of what attracted my husband to me. I'm definitely no looker, that's for sure! I've been told so many times. Even as an adult. I've been treated very cruely by certain people due to the way I look. As I told a gentleman on here just the other day, I'm not one of those girls who just thinks she's ugly. I actually am. I've learned to make up for it in other ways, like letting my sense of humor show, for example.
As for you, your weight and physical appearance isn't the issue. Guys are obviously attracted to you, otherwise they wouldn't even want to have sex with you. Trust me, I know. So don't downplay your sense of humor, or any other good personality characteristic just because someone told you guys don't like it. That could be why they only want sex, if you're not showing them you have a personality to go with your beautiful hour glass figure.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (18 July 2013):
Dear OP,
You've been single for a year.. that's not really long. I know enough beautiful girls that have been single for longer. Being overweight might be a problem for a few men, but for others it won't be. No one is attractive to every one and the occasional rejection is part of the game, regardless of weight. Really. That date you described, where the guy never called or texted back.. it has happened before, to many girls. Don't read too much into it.
This all might really just be bad luck. You write "it's a hit to the ego when you haven't had someone attracted to you for more than sex in over a year"... so guys ARE attracted to you, which tells me the weight is not so much of a problem.. they're just not interested in a relationship. Is it possible that you are going for the wrong type of guys, or that you occasionally send the wrong signals?
In the end "you can't hurry love". It's true. If you want an adventure, that's always easier to find. You need some more patience to find a guy that wants a serious relationship, because that's always harder to find. But don't let this eat away your self-confidence. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2013): If you decide to diet and workout, please do it for yourself. Make good-eating habits a life-style.
If you start allowing yourself to do the things you think it takes to make other people happy, or accept you, you'll go out of your mind.
Being over-weight isn't healthy; but it doesn't necessarily make you unattractive to men. The sad thing is, a guy can really like you and be totally turned on; but he may be afraid of the cutting remarks his friends will make. Guys can be very critical and cruel about each others girlfriends.
Stupid, yes. Sometimes he is very concerned about how you'll take it, if you get wind of the comments. He might have to smash a few heads.
Then there are the over-weight girls who require around the clock reassurance. They blame everything on their weight. That is a lot for any guy to deal with. They assume you'll be needy and desperate; so they avoid this probability based on prejudice.
This is very superficial and mean to have to admit; but folds of fatty tissue in the wrong places can also be a turn off to some guys. Even if they themselves have love-handles that resemble saddle-bags; or a belly so big they can't even see their own penis or shoes.
Many guys set standards for women that they themselves can't meet. Most guys dating online think they only deserve super-models. Even if they themselves ought to live in a bell-tower or under a bridge.
You have to carry an air of confidence and not worry too much about what guys think about your weight. Just flatter your figure with the right fitted-clothing, maybe a touch of makeup, and a lovely hairdo always give girls that extra "umpfh-factor." I know quite a few full-figured women who get lots of dates, and stand out in a crowd. Exuding the wow-factor like you wouldn't believe. Guys love those confident women.
In addition to the advice given by the aunt below; I might suggest that you give your dates a slight air of indifference. Like their company is lovely; but you always have a busy schedule, or you're hiding a juicy little secret. Mystique knocks them dead!
Like you don't care if they call or not. You don't have to say it or act phony. Just act as if your calendar is always full and you'll somehow fit them in. Guys want most what they can't have. If they call, take your time getting back to them. Women always think, if you don't answer right-away, he'll getaway. Nope he'll text and text, until you get back to him.
Confidence, personality, and a stylish appearance works for men. Oh, forgot to mention a nice fragrance. Don't drown in it, just a whiff.
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A
female
reader, mightaphodite  +, writes (18 July 2013):
I agree with the previous post.
You are still very young and being single is not such a bad thing. it gives you time to work on yourself, improve yourself but not for a potential significant other, but for your own sake.
When you say that you're overweight, I don't know what it really means. We live in a society that is so obsessed with looks, that some women think that anything above 120 lbs is too much. But, you did mention it and it seems that you think that the reason for the rejection may be connected to this issue. So, let's say that you're right. Men are visual creatures, but contrary to all the crap commercials have been serving us, they do not look for fabricated perfection, they'd go for something real as long as, how shall I put it, it's not extremely over-anything, over-thin included. You don't have to be thin to be fit. And staying fit can be achieved with reasonably easy lifestyle changes. It'll give you more self-confidence too!
Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, malvern  +, writes (18 July 2013):
 I am certain you are a very dateable girl. You are attractive and have a lovely personality. The problem is that you are just meeting or mixing with the wrong guys. If they are in your own age group the chances are that they are pretty immature and influenced by what their friends are doing. The reason I know all this is that your letter just about describes me many, many years ago. I got in quite a state about it, then as you get older you see the wider picture. One solution is to look at slightly older guys, say 27 to 31 because most of them have passed that silly stage and you are more likely to appreciate you.
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A
female
reader, Spaghetti +, writes (18 July 2013):
I think your weight is holding you back, but not in the way you would think!
I was just like you ...and I knew I was attractive, but still *I* knew I was overweight and that held me back from being as confident ans outgoing as I could be. So I don't think you are undatable.
I think that if you worked in yourself and your weight and health you will feel better about your imagine and the extra confidence boost will show on the outside
Maybe try concentrating on your health, eating better. .. and when you least expect it. .the right person will come along.
There is that truth that to love others we sshould love ourselves first
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2013): Hi there!
I feel sad for you not because of those stupid guys who aren't interested to date you but because of how you feel and see yourself.
Just because your over weight, it doesn't mean that your not desirable or something. That's not the case.
I'm in my early thirties. This is what I learned about Men.
Men are visual at first interaction.
Yes, they go for looks but in the long run what makes them crazy for a girl is their personality. In Love department, Looks does not really matter. In lust department, yeah.
Your funny, that's a good thing. Laughter is the best Medicine. If you can make someone laugh that's a really good quality.
Not everyone can do that.
I don't think if i am funny.
All my life, I am considered skinny but just like you I have my own insecurities.
But I try to deal with it. I work on things that makes me feel ugly. So if weight is the issue. Try to have a healthy diet that will help you lose weight.
Go to the gym. Exercise.
Focus first on what makes you feel insecure.
Do something about it.
Who knows you might meet someone from the gym?
But remember your doing it, FOR YOU.
Not for anyone BUT YOU.
As for the boys, don't bother. They will just come.
your just not meeting the right person.
But once you do, you never have to ask here.
Good luck.
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