A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Guys, I really need some independent advice.I broke up with my only long-term boyfriend two years ago. Since then, we had a lot of back together - breaking up (with me doing the breaking), then a year ago I went to travel the world.While I was away I found out that he had quickly moved on an started living with someone. I couldn't bear it and literally spun out. I came home to visit and we rekindled things, but then I started travelling again and he couldn't cope with it.When I was with this man I became frustrated and bored. He is reliable and honest, but I found we were running out of things to talk about. He lacks passion and charisma. We had a great sex life but I lost respect for him when I was always the one in control and then I stopped being attracted to him and tried to avoid sex. I couldn't cope with how placid his personality was and would try to get a rise out of him just to see some character.But then...I've hit 30. I'm leaving again, as I've really found happiness travelling. But I haven't met any guys and marriage and children are really important things to me. This man loves, or loved me entirely, and my heart is breaking because I'm terrified I am giving up my shot. May I say that honestly, and without ego, I am an attractive woman and not short of attention, but after two years away from him, I have not met anyone with long term potential.He can offer stability, love, and is the great on paper guy.Am I just afraid? But is that fear justified?Thank you in advance for any thoughts you can share.
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male
reader, Kama  +, writes (6 June 2010):
 There is always the potential that you're giving up your shot. But there are a lot of shots to be had. Based on your wanderlust, and your ability to get attention (as has been seen on this post itself) I'd say to leave this guy in the past the best you can and look for another "shot" at marriage and kids. But no one can know that for sure but you. It's always a risk.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys for your responses...a lot to think about. I frustrate myself with my inability to move on but I am, and always have been, a thinker.
To the guy who mentioned his friend...this is very bizarre because it sounds like we have the same job. Maybe we actually should meet!!!
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A
male
reader, d2001d  +, writes (5 June 2010):
Judging from your love of travel, you like adventure. The only time this man satisfies your sense of adventure is when you can't have him. Thus, above post is wrong: I can say he is not right for you.
They say one definition of craziness is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting a different result. My apologies, but doesn't this apply here?
Funnily enough, I have a good male friend who is your counterpart. He travels the world for work (we work in non-fiction tv) and frankly, you guys should probably meet. Extremely well-educated guy, runner, and the most honest person I possibly may know. Not sure how to follow up for you, as I am new to this site, but regardless, best of luck to you.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (5 June 2010):
 No one can say to go with him or not go with him. This is something that you need to feel within you to see if he's the one you need to be with.
You mentioned his love for you. In a marriage, love needs to be both ways. You really didn't mention if you love him or not. Marriage and children is not a race. You enjoy the traveling. What I would recommend is that if you keep coming back and leaving that you let him know where he stands if there won't be anything further than what you have been giving.
Maybe your fear is not about giving up your change. I feel it's more of "giving up the guy who may be the one." Or maybe, not consciously acknowledging that you really do love him too. Why had you spun out? If it was over, why couldn't you bear his moving on? You need to ask yourself questions, and those answers will give you greater direction about remaining with him or not and will answer questions about how you really feel about this guy you keep rekindling your relationship with.
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A
female
reader, cry +, writes (5 June 2010):
 move on leave him
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