A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am talking to this girl and i Really like her but there is a problem that my friends have no answer for shes pregnant(not for me) and the father wants nothing to do with her or the baby hes your typical coward. i want to start a relationship with her eventually b/c shes a really sweet girl and deserves better than a house in the slums on government aid working for minimum wage raising a baby by herself and i am making decent money right now and going to school to be a radiologist (x-ray tech) and i think i can help her and the baby out and make her and her baby happy and truth is i LOVE kids im great with kids and being raised by a single mom and having a coward dad i can relate to how tough its is so i think i would be great but i dont want the drama of the dad one day trying to be a family again and starting up a big mess with this girl and if she would go back to him i dnt know what id do in that situation can someone give me some advise?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2009):
Absolutely no.
You should be looking for someone to date- that you can have a peer relationship with.
You are not Mother Teresa. You dont have to sacrifice yourself to make up for her stupidity and his low class and the baby's sad lot.
BTW, even if you try this its not going to work. She'll go back dog in clubs since you will be at home handling child care for another couple's kid.
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (12 October 2009):
 Have you really talked to this girl about this? And hey, you don't need to think too far into the future - it sounds like you've just started getting to know her. Why not ask her out on a date (first things first), and get to know her a little bit more? See if you have chemistry and find out more about what she's like in a relationship. Then, if you feel like she's interested in getting serious, talk to her about it and her ex and the child. You don't need to commit to raising her and her baby as family quite yet, when you're not even really dating.
You sound like a great guy, and she'd be lucky to have you. Go on a few dates, pick up on that chemistry and then have a heart to heart with her about everything that's on your mind.
Good luck, sweetness!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2009): Hi, it is obvious that you care for this woman but I would like to challenge you to step back from the situation so that you can make a healthy choice for yourself.
Eventually at some point, the biological father has a right to step in a play his role and be there for his child and the mother if he so chooses and if you are considering taking this situation on it is best for you to be grounded in a space that embraces all involved in this child's life. In my opinion, that is the healthiest way to go. Ask yourself if this is something that you are really ready for.
There are many questions that need to be answered in this situation. How motivated is this woman to create change in her life and contribute as well to a healthy life if you were to make the move. Would you be taking on all of her issues or would she be working along side of you building a life together. Where does she stand with the father of the baby? What are her plans in life? How does she plan to achieve these goals?
It sounds as though you want to rescue her and I am asking you to consider this side of yourself and any possible consequences that might be present in this situation.
The fact that you are coming forward with this struggle suggests that you are on some level not feeling good about all of this. That most certainly is worth stepping back for and pondering before you jump in to a very complicated situation.
Best of luck to you.
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A
female
reader, YourDestiny11 +, writes (12 October 2009):
 Well it sounds like your a great guy thats got alot going for yourself! If you really like her then you should date her...and for the whole real dad coming and messing it all up...thats a risk your going to have to be willing to take! The father is most likely going to come around when she has the baby for a little while and then hell most likely leave again! So it really depends on what risks your willing to take for this girl!? You should have a serious conversation with this girl and see what her view on it is! Good luck!
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