A
female
age
26-29,
*bug
writes:i found out i was pregnant and has been for 3 months and 3 days. my boyfriend was on pill snorting them and recently or so i thought stop. he has been drinking more and has had a problem with drinking more and now behind my back smoking weed also. I just want my baby to have a home i never did with no drugs also. He also says he wants to get a job but how is he going to do that if he smoking weed and drinking all the time. I can't trust him because he is doing things behind my back. I really want our family and he say he loves me but hes not showing it. I don't know if this is a bad thing but i have kick him out until he can become that responsible man i know he can be but he's mad at me (everything my fault) and it's so had for me. I don't want this problems but he creating them. Any Advice?
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (20 August 2012):
 You have 100% done the right thing, well done for making such a hard decision. Not many girls your age could do such a brave thing so you have done amazingly well to kick him out.
Your health and the babies health are the top priority, and if he is smoking weed and drinking around you and your baby then that is damaging your health. A child cannot grow up around someone who is an addict, that puts the child in danger and will create a very negative environment for him/her to grow up in.
He needs to sort himself out before he can be a father, yes he is going to be angry with you now but in the long run (if he does eventually sort himself out) then he will realise that you did this for his own good and he will understand why you did this. He needs a wake up call to show him he cannot carry on like this, he cant be a boyfriend and a father when he is a drug and alcohol addict.
What you need to do next is focus on you and the baby, and forget about him for a while. You have done the best thing for him by kicking him out, all addicts need to hit 'rock bottom' before they realise they need help, and you will have helped to push him towards rock bottom by taking yourself out of his life. When he realises he has lost you and the baby that should hit home and really hurt him, which is a step towards rock bottom.
Are you having regular appointments with your doctor? Talk to your doctor about what support is available in your area for teen moms, search around online to see what help you can get. It is going to be hard being a single mom but plenty of girls do it so there is support out there, you just need to do plenty of research and find it. If you focus on getting your life sorted ready for when the baby arrive it will take your mind off your boyfriend and help you stay strong in your decision to kick him out.
Try not to talk to him either, he needs to know that you are serious about this and will not take him back until he is off drink and drugs. Ignore any calls, texts, Facebook etc until he can show you that he is 100% clean.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (20 August 2012):
 I'm sorry you find yourself in such a difficult and unhappy situation.
Unfortunately, with the economy the way it is, it's hard for so many people who want and need employment to get hired. If your boyfriend is smoking weed and drinking a lot, his chances are very poor. You can't rely on him to be a good father and supportive partner to you at this point. But you already realize that.
You have to think about your future and what is best for you and the baby. It's true that some women who have good jobs and are a fair bit older than you sometimes do decide to get pregnant or to adopt, even if they don't have a partner or husband, but do want to have a child. Often such women are financially and emotionally able to devote the next twenty years or so to caring for a youngster by themselves. Even so, its challenging and not easy.
You're only 16 or 17. Do you have a job? Are you going to try to get into college or at least some sort of job training to help with your own prospects for a decent job? What about your parents and family? Would they be prepared to help you? I don't want to discourage you - and young women have after all done it - from deciding to go through with the pregnancy and raising the baby on your own - if that's your decision.
Do you realize how enormously difficult it will be even if you do have help, in so many ways? I mean, it won't be easy to spend time with your friends evenings and weekends when your child needs all your attention - and babysitters expect to be paid! Baby food, diapers, clothing, pediatricians, school supplies and guiding the little one in his/her upbringing and standards of behavior - it's endless! But part of what a parent does.
I urge you (if you haven't already) to make an appointment with your doctor to guide you through pregnancy, and in finding support as a single mother-to-be.
Hope this helps - good luck to you!
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (20 August 2012):
 It's often difficult for irresponsible people to be held accountable for their actions. Of course he wants to blame everyone and anyone for his mistakes, because in order to own up to his mistakes, he has to admit that he made them in the first place, and he doesn't want to do that.
That's not good father material. Until he cleans his life up, gets off pills and weed and stops drinking, and has a steady job, he's not going to be a positive and supportive force in your life.
Right now, the most important thing to him is his own excess and hedonism. I know you don't want that in your life. So take responsibility for yourself and your child and don't allow ANYONE negative or lazy to interfere in the health and well being of you or your child.
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