A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have known this guy for, about 6 months or so, but our relationship was a professional kind of one until a few months ago. We spent a lot of time together (once a week or more, for and hour or more at a time) and got on really well. Fair to say I developed quite a crush on him, and I think/thought he liked me back (but due to the fact I have very little experience with knowing the signs) I was not sure enough to act, once I was able. The other issue was, he struck me as a genuinely nice guy, kind, (which is what attracted me the most) so I just wasn’t sure if he was being friendly or flirting. A couple of things he did that stood out, but weren’t categorical proof were; he placed some of his possessions on my side of the table, then asked me if they were mine; he would place his arm on the back of my chair; he came home from a really important event, early just to meet me first thing in the morning instead of asking me to wait till later in the day; asked me questions, for example “What are you doing now?” and if I was evasive or general would quiz me till I gave a more specific answer and another classic was asking where I go to get my lunch and then entering into a discussion about price v quality v value for money! ; Mirrored my body language all the time, and; he came across at times as quite protective and went above and beyond what he needed to do. Anyway there were a lot more examples and other signs but I think that is enough to give a bit of background. When our professional relationship finished, we grabbed a quick coffee (he instigated it) but he said had a party to go to so could only give me a set amount of time. Anyway I turned up, and attempted to put him at ease that I didn’t mind him going off as I had a dinner to go to, but then said I was tired so might also go home instead of going to dinner. About three times he asked me whether I was sure that I was going to go to dinner. Looking back and after chatting to a few friends it seems that there was a real possibility that he wanted an opening to ask me to go to the party with him, but I was completely oblivious at the time. Anyway we left that meeting quite awkwardly, with me using the classic line, see you around…I felt that it went really badly and began to try to get over the crush, trying to do a clean slate. Then a number of events happened over the next couple weeks leading the crush to continue. Then after a few weeks something happened that made me finally conclude that it was unlikely he had any interest and was just being polite and friendly. So we had no contact for just over a month, but I knew he was starting a new job in the middle of August, and after finally getting over the crush and chatting to a friend, who said he make a great contact for the future. I plucked up the courage last week to text him. (You will be pleased to hear I am finally getting to the point now!) So I text him a very general text along the lines of: good luck, couldn’t remember the exact date he started, but remembered it was roughly around this time, and I was sure he would be great at his new job. Out of the blue I get a text back, saying that once he had settled in I should come to lunch so he can here about my future plans etc (lets just say I nearly dropped the phone when I read it!). The advice I want is what does he mean by ‘settled in’ – am I going to have to wait a year for an invite, or is it just giving him wiggle room to never ask? How do I handle the whole lunch thing, do I treat it like a date or like a casual thing? And do I even meet him? As I have only just got over my feelings for him and I am worried that they might re-ignite, only to find out once and for all that he does not reciprocate my feelings. I have also heard from a number of friends that lunch is very much a “friend zone” sort of date, is this true? Also does anyone have any good tips as to deciphering if a guy is flirting or just being really nice? Thanks so much to all who answer!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, PsychologyPsycho  +, writes (20 August 2012):
 You say you're pretty much over him,but from the long text and atention to details i can see he's still on your mind. Sounds like he could be interested,so i say go ahead and meet up for lunch. its there where you can find out if hes after friendship or anything else,not on this website!he's just changed jobs which is very unnerving as you're working with different people in a different environment,but it should only take a couple of weeks to settle in.
I wouldnt be so quick to label dates as friend zone or first date zones,my fiancee just took me to McD's for our first date!!
Just carry on texting maybe at the weekend just generally asking whats he upto at the weekend, then ask how he's settling in with the job.its there that you can casually ask if he wanted to meet up for lunch.
good luck :)
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