A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've never had a boyfriend before but in college i've had my share of interactions with guys that only consisted of sex. Last month I broke it off with this guy who turned out to be untrustworthy. I completely put my all into making it work with him and he still disrespected me. I just don't understand why I can not obtain a real relationship, what am I doing wrong initially with these guys to make it seem like I'm not girlfriend material. Before I just chalked it up to I haven't met the right guy and he's out there somewhere and one day our paths will collide. But now I'm begining to think that I will be alone for the rest of my life and no one wants me. I feel I'm relatively attractive, love to have fun and go out. So what am I doing wrong and what vibe am I giving off that's not allowing me to even establish a relationship with a guy.
View related questions:
never had a boyfriend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Miss Karma Louise  +, writes (30 October 2009):
these guys are only wanting you for one thing = SEX.
and you sure sound like your happy enough for them to use and abuse you honey.
yeahh sex is great its fun but only when its with the right person.
set yourself a challenge not to have sex untill your into maybe a month of your next realtionship or maybe see if you can go longer,he will respect you much more and may even consider you to be the one..boys hate sluts when it comes down to marrage and meeting pearents.
good luck and have a little respect for goodness sake.
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (30 October 2009):
 "I've never had a boyfriend before but in college i've had my share of interactions with guys that only consisted of sex."
To me that says it all. Are you having sex with these guys in the hope that they'll be your boyfriend?
Do you realize that if you have sex with a guy with no strings, then he'll most likely put you in the 'not girlfriend material' category because you're willing to have no-strings-attached-sex? And guys don't want girls like that as their girlfriends. They are 'easy' etc. Plus the more guys you do that with the more the others notice and the further into that unfortunate category you are pushed.
Or in other words: since he can get sex without being your boyfriend, why should he go to the trouble of commitment?
It's a rather extreme take on this, but I recommend reading a book called The Rules for some interesting insights into the male mind and how to appear to be girlfriend-material:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Rules
...............................
A
male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (30 October 2009):
First, I met my wife when she was 40, and I'm her first husband. She's had boyfreinds along the way, but the last one was about 8 to 10 years before me... so, if you're out there and open to meeting people you'll make a connection one day.
I'm not sure what to advise on the "never GF material"- you were ceratinly seen as a playbuddy- so they're not treating you as tomboy buddies.
You may need to do some research on flirting and creating an aura of avaliblity / desireablity.
...............................
A
male
reader, duce00 +, writes (30 October 2009):
 I think you are just hitting your stride! What you are going through is actually a good thing in my opinion. I know, you probably want to punch me!
You have learned what you don't want and you have made choices about who you wont be with. You are well on your way to being a catch of a woman. Keep it up!
Decent men are out there and they will not be a part of the same crap that you have learned to avoid. Do not second guess your self and don't compromise yourself either. Most men I know have a low level of respect for women who do not respect themselves and you don't want to be one of those tarts.
Be secure and genuine, don't try to be something you are not. Remember that real men love femininity in its natural form without all the pomp and circumstance.
Keep it up, you are doing great!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2009): i hate to say this but i think you need to hear it. i think that the reason you can not get a relationship is because your interactions with guys only consist of sex. guys, not all guys but many guys, are not going to want a relationship with someone that gives it up too easy. they are going to get the sex and run. this is especially true in college when most guys are just looking for an easy lay. you cant have sex with them and then expect a relationship. you have to make them work for it. establish a relationship before the sex. if they dont want to do that then they dont deserve you. this is what separates the girlfriends from the flings. well i hope this makes sense and helps. good luck! i know you will find someone special someday!
...............................
|
