A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:There have been so many posts about cheating and fidelity and who did or didn't do what. I thought it would be interesting to see what happened if everybody was honest and nobody was judgmental about infidelity.Here is what I propose:1- Post anonymously regardless of where you stand on the issue.2- Lurid details are not necessary, either you have or you havent been unfaithful EVER.3- For some ground rules lets eliminate the ambiguity and see the wiki on it:Infidelity is a violation of the mutually agreed-upon rules or boundaries of an intimate relationship, which constitutes a significant breach of faith or a betrayal of core shared values with which the integrity of the relationship is defined. In common use, it describes an act of unfaithfulness to one’s husband, wife, or lover, whether sexual or non-sexual in nature.Remember: There is no judgment, there is complete anonymity, and infidelity is defined as shown above. So lets take this chance to learn something about the world we live in and look at it as educational.The ball is in your court everybody!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2009): I really really hate cheating. Anything my partner has done to cause any break-up is ok but not cheating pls. Until now I still don't get why people cheat. To be honest, I have been tempted to cheat many times but have always considered my boyfriend's feelings. When he did cheat on me, I was devastated. For me, it is an act of disrespect, rudeness and selfishness on his part. I have been broken up with him for 7 months now and still..every song, every street and every other stuff that reminds me of his cheating makes me want to die. Makes me want to cry again. Makes me crippled.I know some people think of cheating like it is nothing. But believe me, you don't know what harm it can get your partner. If you are human enough to consider feelings of other people, the best thing is for you to break up with the person no matter how hard it is for you...then pursue the third party. Only selfish people cheat.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2009): I'm not proud to say it but I cheated. Was it worth it? No. Did I like the guy? No. It meant nothing.
The person I was with he cheated throughout our relationship, I knew of 3, he kissed one, slept with the other two. I also know he's cheated on every girl he has been with. He cheated on his last girlfriend with me (I didn't know that at the time).
Then there is his brother. He is engaged and has been cheating on his poor fiancee since day one. We all know it and no ones says anything. He still cheats.
I think there are various reasons to why people cheat. For myself, it was because I was angry and unable to let my partners cheating go. I never intended to have sex with anyone else, as I've never cheated before and sex is a big deal. My guilt ate me alive and ultimately destroyed my relationship. I would have come clean but it would have ended anyway.
Cheating in a relationship is never good and if you are faced with it, stop and think and ask yourself if it's worth it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2009): Do you think there will be a benefit to finding out how faithful people are? People hide their infidelities and yet we know about and see infidelity in the world around us. If the people we don't know about, admit to it too, we may be left feeling paranoid about new partners and uneasy about people in general. Trust is what we need more of and something like this could easily erode trust in people who don't deserve it or need to feel that way. I suggest you have a very clear reason for wanting to know this and have a clear benefit to the knowledge in mind.
Given the right circumstances it is my belief that almost everyone would cheat at some point, with someone, for some reason... this does not make them 'Cheaters' any more than telling one lie in your whole life makes a person a lier.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2009): Do you think there will be a benefit to finding out how faithful people are? People hide their infidelities and yet we know about and see infidelity in the world around us. If the people we don't know about, admit to it too, we may be left feeling paranoid about new partners and uneasy about people in general. Trust is what we need more of and something like this could easily erode trust in people who don't deserve it or need to feel that way.I suggest you have a very clear reason for wanting to know this and have a clear benefit to the knowledge in mind.
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reader, justforfun +, writes (8 November 2009):
Keep ur pants on and ur leggs out of the air
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female
reader, SAMYLUNEY  +, writes (6 November 2009):
 look being unfaitful is one thing definitly ka relate too honestly ive never been faitful a day in my life even to the girl i was madly in love with i found myself cheating on her with girls that were twice my age or more and honestly it was fun until the time i wanted to have a true relationship but due to my background the person wasnt interested. infidelity, adultry, cheating it all falls under one category. CURIOSITY!!!! the more the mind wonder you want to forfil those wonders and thought and fantisys thats how most of it happeneds and its sad but if we learn to be happy with the one we are with we really shouldnt have that much of a problem
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2009): i have never cheated in a relationship. if the man i was with was anything less than everything to me i have broken it off. i have had an emotional longing for and kissed (once) a married man...but...thats a loooong story. that is the only time i have ever participated in cheating of any kind. i still love that man though and looking at the big picture i cant help but feel that he is the one cheating on me..though their intimacy died long ago, their marriage is on life support and i havent spoken to him. crazy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): Anyone here old enough to have read Jimmy Carter's Playboy Interview? He said that he'd had lust in his heart when seeing young pretty girls on the street. And to him that was infidelity. So there's one end of the spectrum.
Everyone knows about Bill and Monica. He said it wasn't sex. Another end of the spectrum.
I fell out somewhere inbetween. Married six years after dating five years. Met a girl again I'd known as a kid, she was a niece of my step-mother. We were re-united around my father's death bed. It was an Irish wake, much drinking, much emotion. We kissed. Big time. And we talked about more. She said "There's this incredible sexual tension between us. Why don't we just get it over with?" We didn't, but for the three days of the wake we were in an intense relationship with lots of soul kissing.
Was that an affair? It certainly was an emotional one. It certainly violated the norms I agreed to when I married. It certainly made me alive in a way I hadn't been for a number of years. And how I haven't been since.
That was lots of years ago. But I still remember how vivid the feelings were -- like when I was 16. And I wonder if that's just lost forever. I've been with my wife for 25 years, we've made wonderful children, and a comfortable world. But passion? I haven't had that since that affair. And there are days when I ask myself whether that's all I get in this life. Is that really all there is?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): I have been cheated on once definately and I suspect two more times. I though the girls who cheated on me were selfish.I have cheated.. it isnt easy to admit because I really do believe that its wrong.I was in a very unhappy relationship with a girl who kept asking to break up. I was in love with her and didnt want to. I would just talk to her and after she would be fine, Because he is Indian she wouldnt end it herself.She was studying here and was going back to india to visit her family. For 3 weeks she didnt call me or want to talk. I felt so low and finally realised that it was over. I knew another girl who liked me, so I started talking to her.One thing lead to another and we had sex.I knew in my heart why I did it and decided to end my relationship. My ex even though she wanted it to end kept calling me and complaining about how I had just left her. I never told her the truth as it would have just hurt her more.I know in my heart that if I am in a normal relationship I would never cheat and I still think people who do are selfish and stupid.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): I have never cheated. I have had very successful and very fulfilling relationships (almost too fulfilling) to the point where there was no incentive to cheat.The significant others I was with have on occasions been inclined to cheat but honest open and emotional communication basically prevented it.My opinion on cheating is that everyone will cheat physically, emotionally or mentally at some time. I know that in a long relationship and if my needs are not met I will cheat. If my needs are met then it is incentive to resist. I tell all my potential partners this and I always ask for their opinion on it. The conclusion so far is that if one sexually cheats without attachment then it may be forgiven. If one emotionally cheats without open communication to the significant other then it is a gross violation of the relationship and should never be forgiven.Nevertheless it is still dependent on the feelings of the violated and the situation (drunken night?). If I am cheated on and I find out, my first inclination is to just move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): I have always been very faithful in my relationships until the last one (which is now over). One time it happened because I was upset with how I was being treated by my boyfriend, and I broke up with him for about a month during which I was sleeping with another man who I knew nothing about, it was basically a random fling to make myself feel better and after maybe 5 or so times of hooking up with him, I had no interest in him anymore. More recently, I had more of an "emotional affair" which actually led to me deciding to break off my relationship to pursue the other man, and honestly I think it may be one of the best decisions I've ever made relationship-wise. We are really two peas in a pod, I've never imagined meeting someone so perfect for me it's kind of scary. We never kissed, touched, or anything like that before I was single again, but I had very strong feelings for him while I was still with my ex boyfriend.Sometimes I think it is impossible to deny your feelings for someone else, but I don't think that is an excuse to cheat. Of course it's hard to break up or get a divorce, but if you really want to be with someone else than you are cheating them as well if you continue to stay in another relationship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): I use to cheat a lot, but my most recent long-term relationship i was very faithful, i loved him very much. I think that it is normal in a sense to want to try something new once in awhile... and It is possible that I will cheat in future relationships, but I also know that I am able to stay faithful, even when gorgeous women persue me. ;)
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reader, EllsworthT  +, writes (2 November 2009):
No matter how good a woman looks, there's some guy who's tired of f***ing her.
Men are beasts. Put a little booze (or drugs) in us, and, if a woman makes a move, we're going to respond. Hey, it's nothing personal. Really, I love my girlfriend now like I loved my ex-wife back then. (Am I'm sure I'll love my next girlfriend just as much!) For us, it's just sex. Nothing more.
I have NEVER met a decent-looking, confident man who disagrees with me. I know plenty of wimpy men who say they'd never cheat, but that's only because they don't think they'd ever have the opportunity.
Blame evolution, but it works!
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2009): I just answered this and then re-read your definition. So want to add...I never physically or emotionally cheated on spouse with another man. I did however get many of my emotional needs met through other people rather than insist that he step up and tune in. I tried to engage him emotionally but it hurt too much to be rejected so without consciously setting out to let him off the hook I found other outlets. In hindsight that was a very big mistake, I shouldnt have avoided the issue because it directly impacted my ability to meet his needs too.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2009): I never cheated on my spouse of 19 years. It really never occurred to me, I sometimes flirted with male friends or coworkers but if the "flirting" crossed over into intimate, I shut it down immediately. And several times over the years I informed men ..."hey Im married."I did sometimes wonder what it would be like to be with someone who was more emotionally tuned in to my emotional needs but I never had a specific person in mind. I knew my husband struggled more than me but overall thought we were on the same page... but I was wrong.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy marriage was in the dumper and a brides maid at a friends wedding who was like 10 years younger was quite interested in me. I felt like I was getting even for wrongs done to me and I almost had sex but backed out. I guess I was unfaithful in the strict sense. Didnt think of it like that till reading the definition.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2009): I have never had sex with someone else when i was 15 i kissed another guy. but since i have got older i have sent nude pics to another guy. but that was as far as that went.
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