A
female
age
30-35,
*angolia
writes:ok, i know i am not meant to make this to long, but alot as happened and i no longer know if i am coming or going. I am so confused and i know you are an honest and understanding person from your show and you have no reason to lie to me as you don't know me, so i am hoping you can give me some honest advice.I am an 18 year old girl and i have only ever had 2 relationships. My first boyfriend beat me and left me in counciling for 3 years. Later my older step brother sexually abused me and then I started seeing a man who used me for sexual contact. I then met a really lovely guy and fell in love with him. since then i have been so happy as he understood my past, never judged me and never forced me to do anythhing i didn't want to do. We had the odd fight as he had his moods but they soon stopped. But his exgirlfriend was always trying to worm her way back in. I thought he deleted her number and everything and that it was no longer a problem until one day he told me he went to meet her but she never showed, and that he still wants to be friends with her. I am not the type of personto say well its her or me, but i felt after everything she had tried to do to us that was a big insult to me so i told him who ment more to him me or her? he chose me and since then we've been really happy. He used to have depression and self harm, but i pulled him out of it and had never had a problem. He told me i was the best thing that had ever happened to him, and i believed him. He was working for my uncle for a while as he was fired form his last job so my uncle thought he'd give him a break A month and a half down the line, my bofriend and I are happy as far as i know, and i get a phone call at work from my boyfriend saying my uncle has fired him for steeling money. Later when i got home i found out he had deleted everything of me on his phone and my number as well and started packing his things up as he was living with me. I got him to sit down and talk to me and tell me what happened and he said he couldn't remember taking the moeny and he had a "blackout" I understood and rushed him down the doctors and began looking for another job. He explained to the doctor that he has had balckouts before where he can have a conversation with someone and not remember a word that was said and the doctor said it might be linked to the depression. The next day i went into work and was given a load of greif all day. When i went home, i went to see my uncle and heard his side of the story. apparently my boyfriend admitted to steeling, saying he was in debt, when the only person he is debt to is me and that he stole the twenty pounds, cos thats all it was, to sort out his debt. He threw our relationship away and the best job he ever had for twenty pounds. I was outraged and chucked him out, but we ended up talking and i told him if he can go away and get help, stop lying and steeling, hold a job down for more than 4 months, then maybe there is a chance we could give it another go. He has sworn to me he loves me enough to do it and he wants to do it for himself too and prove to peolple he can be a decent person. The next morning, my boyfriends best friend broke up with his girlfriend. His girlfriend then turned ouround to me and said my boyfriend had cheated on me when i was on holiday because he told his bet mate and his best mate told his girlfriend. i understand if this is a bit confusing, but please, bare with me.when i asked my now ex boyfriend if he cheated on me he swore blind that he didn't. He did meet his ex girlfriend, and he took her back to his house before we moved intogether and they watched a film. I then spoke to his ex girlfriend and she promised me he didn't cheat on me so i started to believe him again. But she swears blind they never left the pub. So which one i lying? My boss then phones my ex up infront of me not knowing i am there and shouts loads of abuse down the phone at him. He says nothing and hangs up. the next day, she then tells me what she has done and lies about what he said. I feel like there is no-one in this world i can trust anymore and wonder if i am lying myself. i dont know whether i am coming or going. My ex boyfriend wanted me to go to the doctors with him about his blackouts this tuesday and i dont know if i should or not. he has sworn on everything that ever meant anything to him he wants to and will change, so much so he gave me his favorite t-shirt and told me to hold onto it as it gives him even more of a reason to come back to me. I love this man very much, but he has made me look like a fool and i can't believe a word anyone says anymore because nothing adds up. Am i doing the right thing telling him to sort himself out and maybe we can be friends again? or am i being niaeve and need to cut him out of my life completly? none of my friends and family that know think she is worth anything as he lied to me so much about his last jobs which he also got fired for steeling money from, although he told me that he was made redundent due to staff cutbacks. If i can in 6 months time see over 4 months worth of wage slips, and proof that he has changed, will it just be another lie? Or will i be able to have the man i fell in love with back?However, for someone who wants to do anyhting to get me back, i have to admit he isn't trying very hard. I haven't really heard from him since he left here friday night apart from when he came to pick a job aplication form up. He's appologised so much but now its like he's given up. I just wish i knew what to do for the best.
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a break, at work, best friend, broke up, cheated on me, debt, ex girlfriend, fell in love, his ex, money, moved in, my boss, my ex, on holiday Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, DJ8433  +, writes (16 July 2007):
 I don't think you'll ever get back to where you were with the relationship. Do you? Do you really think you can trust him, maybe even if by some miracle he did change, I think you will always have that question. Did he cheat or not? Why put yourself through it, there's 60 million more men in the U.K. for you to choose from. I would suggest moving on to someone a little more stable, maybe a little more mature.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (16 July 2007):
 I'm sorry to hear all the things you've gone through, with this guy and with the other ones. I think you deserve a lot better than this.
Frankly, I think you should break up with him. He has problems, yes, but he seems somewhat unwilling to solve them. I know he says he's going to the doctor, but I still have this feeling.
I think he didn't really appreciate what he had in you. Neither did he appreciate the chances life has given him; as you say, it's awful to lose a job for twenty pounds. It's my guess that, yes, he did cheat on you.
The best you can do is tell him to sort his life out before he comes to you. However, I doubt he ever will (both sort his life or come to you).
In the future, you need to be careful who you get involved with. I know this guy seemed so right; but bad men keep coming to you all the time. I think you need some support yourself. Don't let other people use you.
I hope this helps.
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