A
male
age
36-40,
*danny0
writes:Hello I am in need of some advice if you guys are willing to listen. My girlfriend and I have been dating since around Halloween of last year we both went to the same University in Oklahoma, my girlfriend is from Arizona and she had to transfer back home because of out of state tuition was going up again. We decide to try the long distance relationship and everything has been going great we talk everyday on the phone, MSN, text message ect. The problem started yesterday when she got back from a trip with her family to the Dominican Republic she seemed down and I could not figure out what was the matter so when I asked her the answer I got nearly brought me to my knees. She explained to me how she still loves me and that will never change but she feels as if she is missing out on life experiences by having a boyfriend at such a young age (20) and she wishes she meet me when she was around 25 so she would want to be in a serious relationship because we are so compatible. I have asked her if there is someone else and she promises to me up and down that there is no one else. A little bit more information for you guys is I also got a text message from her after this conversation we had that said “nothing is final I am just telling you how I feel and I don’t want it to be weird between us when I come out there in August.” And one more that said “I just really want to say I love you nothing has changed with that and I can’t wait to see you.” Now I understand how the distance can get to someone it hurts me very badly and I know how that feels but what I don’t understand is why she drops this on me now all of a sudden with no warning what so ever right after she was unable to talk to me for 9 days because she does not have an world wide cell phone plan, 4 days before my 22 birthday and 2 weeks before she is coming out to Oklahoma to come see me. I just don’t understand what she is needing or wanting? Unless there is someone else or she did something she feels bad about, or maybe she just does not love me anymore and is trying to let me down easy. That’s another thing I don’t understand why she is worried about a serious relationship we have never even spoken the word marriage. I just don’t understand how someone can say they love you but you’re depriving them of my life experience. It just really bothers me that she can’t see that the grass is never greener on the other side and that she is making a huge mistake if she follows threw with this because I love her more than anything in the world and this conversation we had is literally tearing me apart and I feel as if I am losing the best thing to happen to me.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, penta +, writes (16 July 2007):
 50% of any relationship is timing. If you're in different emotional places then there's a problem. You need to be aware of the where you both are for the timing to work out.
If you love her and you think that you have a strong chance of this working out permanently, you might want to offer to "date other people" for a while. Work out what that means for you and stick to it. I recommend that one of the rules is that anyone you or she dates has to know that there is another person in the mix.
I did this successfully with my SO of 9 years. After 5 years of being in different time zones and seeing each other for 2 weeks every 6 months, we moved in together and lived that way for 3 years. As it happens, we weren't right for each other. But we did give it our very best shot, being fully aware of what we wanted and regretting nothing. I do recommend dating other people right now. BOTH of you.
A
male
reader, DJ8433 +, writes (16 July 2007):
 You're not engaged to be married, no ring on her finger. Have you uttered the words exclusive to each other? If no to these questions, then you can't possibly expect her to be committed. Actually, you cannot control what she does from a distance anyways, can you. You are only in control of yourself. From a distance the best you can hope for is to stay really good friends, don't ask about other men, and enjoy the time you have together until maybe a time when you can be together just the two of you. If you ask to much about "is she seeing someone else" you will appear weak to her, women like a man to be strong. If you love her, when you are together, treat her like she's the only woman on earth, kiss her and make love to her like no other man could, but most of all "be a man" and be in control of yourself and your emotions. Easy to say, hard to do, but you have to. If you have to, go have a cry somewhere no one will see. Don't whine to her just treat her like a Queen, and be her King.
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