A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem. I am in grade 12 and I graduate in 35 days. I started seeing this guy after finally giving him a chance, I can't say I'm that crazy about him but he is a nice guy and he has formally asked me to be his date to graduation. I accepted because he was the first offer I recieved.There is a guy who has come into my life who I've always liked, and he knows I like him too. Last night I just flat out told him the truth that nothing can happen between us because I made a promise to go graduation with this guy and I wont be unfaithful, even if I'm not head over heels for him. He was totally understanding of my situation, and respected my choice and says for me to just take my time and do what I have to do. For obvious reasons, I have began to retract slowly from the guy I'm seeing in order to not play with his feelings. I'm keeping things very light and casual, not being very affectionate, but of course still being kind and not crushing his spirit. It's not fair to accept an offer and then take it back because something else better came along, so I'm being honourable and following up on my word, I will go to graduation with him and avoid the drama of messy breakups and tension at the dance, so that everything can end on a good note. This guy is going to have two jobs in the summer, Im going to be working, and going on vacation alot, so I will barely see him anyways after grad. I have a feeling it will fizzle out on it's own.Am I doing the right thing? Also, how should I break up with him after I graduate? Thanks.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (4 May 2011):
 As I think about your dilemma a little bit more, I think I would follow dirtball's advice closely. "John, as we are getting to know one another better, I have come to realize that I think of you really only as a good friend, and not in a romantic way. You are a great guy and are super sweet and nice, but I have to be honest that I don't have girlfriend/boyfriend feelings for you. I just wanted to be clear about that so that if you had more romantic ideas about us and the graduation date, that you have a chance to withdraw your kind invitation to me, and could ask someone else if you wanted to. If you are okay with us going as merely friends, I will be happy to be your date if you are still inclined to escort me to graduation."
Something like that. Tell him the truth, give him back the date invitation option, and establish that you are merely friends. It'll save you a month of being false to him and will give him time to adjust to the reality of the situation.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 May 2011):
 going out on a date is not going steady
there is nothing wrong with dating more than one boy at a time.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 May 2011):
You've agreed to be a date at graduation, not to being a girlfriend, do I understand this correctly? If you are not a girlfriend in the strict sense of the word, you do not have to stay home every single night. You accepted one date request, not to be locked up for the month. Now, if this guy thinks he is your boyfriend, well then, we have a different situation.
It sounds to me as though you went into this trying to be 'nice' and now, trying to be 'nice', you are going to hurt him much more than if you were honest about this now.
I would follow dirtball's advice and come clean. I know it's hard, it isn't fun and it isn't pleasant, but leading him on while growing colder and colder with no explanation is not nice AT ALL.
You are going to have to put your big girl panties on, recognize that life throws difficult challenges at you, and breaking up gracefully and honestly is something you might as well learn how to do.
How do I know this? Because I was you at one time, and I did exactly the same thing. I was too 'nice' to break the guy's heart by being honest, so instead, I shredded it by becoming distant, acting weird and THEN, after he was all confused and hurt, THAT'S when I finally realized I had to be honest. Let me tell you, if I could get a do-over on that one, I would so do it better. By telling him right away, I would have kept him from feeling even lousier.
So tell him NOW, yes, NOW, 35 days before graduation. This will make him unhappy, but not as unhappy as learning that you were not really into him. This gives him time to get another date, and you will honestly look back on this time years from now and know you did the right thing for both of you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2011): Just be his lovely freind at the gradutaion and have a nice time. Then if you need to make it clear things are not going any further - you will find a way to do it nicely!! Have a fabulous day. :o) xx
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (4 May 2011):
 When he finds out you're staying with him more out of pity than any feelings you have for him, you'll crush him more. In some ways what you're doing is honorable, but in other ways you're just leading him on, even if you're pulling back.
How should you break up with him? Tell him you like him, but not in a romantic way. You hoped the feelings would come to you, but they haven't. You think he's a nice guy and don't want to have him wasting his time with you because you know you will not feel for him the way he does for you. Leave no question about the possibility of ever having a relationship. He will cling to any bit of hope you give him, but that doesn't mean you have to crush him either. Be honest, compliment him, just express why you know it will not work. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, auntyR  +, writes (4 May 2011):
give him a chance. I was the same when i met my boyfriend, i was alittle unsure if he liked him as anything but a friend but the more i dated him the more i fell in love with him. You may surprise yourself like i did.
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