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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: me and my gf have been together for 6 months and are very much in love. but my ex is my concern. many people saw me and my gf as the perfect couple, but we werent so we split up and we were still friends. there has always been a connection and in the past we kissed when we were both in a relationship. we knew it was stupid and we couldnt get together.now though, she has got a new bf. and for some reason i have become massivly jelous of him, and i feel attracted to her more than ever.i love my gf and i know for a fact things wont work if i get with my ex.what are these feelings ive got?what should i do?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 May 2011):
 Feelings of attachment can linger within you for quite a long time. They took time to build up, and they will take time to fade away. They don't disappear on the day you break up, thats when the process typically begins of starting to let go of them. It can take up to years to fully get over a person, depending on the depth of the relationship. This doesn't mean it is wrong to have those feelings, or that you actually want to be with your ex, or are emotionally cheating on your girlfriend. It just means that you are not quite yet ready to face your ex and be just friends, because you still need time to heal from the break-up.
It is normal to feel this way. Just keep focus on what is important to you and do not let your impulsive feelings ruin the good things you have got going for you. If facing your ex and her new boyfriend brings up too many emotions, take time away from seeing her. Avoid her until you feel ready.
It is typically a difficult time when you have to deal with an ex's first boyfriend after the break-up. Same goes for girls who have to witness their ex get a new girlfriend. It stirs up old emotions and a possessiveness we used to have for them. What is important to remember then is what you are already telling yourself: that you don't actually want them back, and that you are happy with your new girlfriend, and that it is your new girlfriend you want.
A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (4 May 2011):
 Those feelings are natural. When our ex moves on it's often harder for us than we think it will be. Especially if we've already moved on ourself. The feelings come from the residual feelings you still have for her, and a new level of "over" that the old relationship has now reached.
What should you do?
It's ok to acknowledge these feelings, but please don't act on them. Realize they are there and seek further closure within yourself. I would also recommend downplaying this to your GF if she can tell something is wrong. It may cause you some problems, but telling her what you said here wouldn't be the worst idea. The truth is you love your new GF, you don't want to be with your ex, but you've got feelings that you don't understand. Hopefully your GF will be understanding of that.
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