A
female
age
51-59,
*haronbury
writes:I'm so confused and I'm at the end of my tether, my partner of 4 years is a cross dresser, he lied about it for a good year then told me, I told him to prove it as I thought it was his way of trying to finish the relationship, so I dug out a pair of my black sexy knickers and susses, with bra and stockings and told him to dress in front of me, I guess I wanted confermation, he put on the delicate undies like he been doing it all his life, I was gob smacked, I threatned to dump him if he did it again so he burnt his smalls in front of me, two years ago, but my ignorance of this problem came back to haunt me and once a tv always a tv. I'm dealing with it more now but I crave attention from him, our sex life hasn't always been great and I've had to come on to him if I want to make love, this is now adding to my fear of him being gay even though he swears he is straight. I also have 3 sons and they love him very much as I do, but what can I do to find out if hes gay and perhaps the lake of intimacy in our relationship could be due to him having homosexual tendances? Can anyone help me regarding this problem?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2007): I sincerely doubt he is gay. What is more likely is that he doesn't want to initiate with you because you had such an adverse reaction to the last time he was open with you. He trusted you enough to show you a side of himself that he had probably kept hidden and you rejected him. In short he's not gay he just doesn't trust you. Trying to make him prove that he's strait will only drive him farther away. Talk to him and tell him that you love and accept him for who he is. It will take time to build back the trust he had in you but it will be worth it.
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (6 September 2007):
 Try to understand how he feels. Talk to him in depth about it, ask how long he's felt this way and you'll find he'll open up more to you. It might be that you feel you can't handle this but if you want, you can compromise and tell him that HE can dress up when you are intimate together in the bedroom. You'll see a whole different side to him and you might even enjoy it. This will certainly help regarding lack of sex in the bedroom. You'll get the attention you seek and he will be happy because he gets to dress up!
This can work if you (and he) are happy to keep his cross dressing to the bedroom only, that way no one, including your boys need ever know. If he WANTS to "come out" more and dress up in public, then that's a whole different ball game. Talk to him about it and see exactly how far this fetish of his goes and try to make a compromise.
Eve
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