A
female
age
30-35,
*isingfromashes
writes:My husband and I had a rocky start but I had thought things were getting better (after he attempted suicide this year). He didn't get as much help as we thought he should. We were planning on moving to his home state (Mississippi) in June (from my home state of CA). But in November my mom (who's always hated him) got a restraining order against him when he clipped the cats claws too short (even the vet said it was nothing), my mom even lied on the form, she said she would drop it if he left early. We got her to drop it first but he still decided to leave before christmas to "prepare" and to be with his family. (our 1st anniversary is the 20th) New years eve I made an over the phone speech about us positively moving foreward, how we will start a new life in Mississippi and how things were already getting better between us before he left. The next day he tells me we need to talk and he's not ready for a relationship. Now he's already sent divorce papers, has rarely spoken with me and I gave up and signed even though he knows I don't want to. Today I was more than suprised when he called, he was crying telling me he's not happy no matter what he does lately, that he's going broke, can't sleep at night, but that he won't change his mind and doesn't want me to expect anything. He also told me he wants to drink his worries away. He had told me early in our conversation that there's nothing we can do to fix everything that was wrong in our relationship. He hasn't even tried! (there was abuse before we were married), we went to classes that he wanted to stop mid-session and the same with his own counseling. I'm worried about him, that he's depressed but he needs professional help. Also, am I doing myself harm by talking to him? The truth is that I do "secretly" want him back. He tells me he can't remember the last time he was happy which also hurts me- he was really good at acting happy when we were together last! Why would he divorce me like this?! Why is he calling me for advice and to tell me how lonely he is when he's the reason I'm lonely?! Please help me and thank you so much.
View related questions:
anniversary, christmas, depressed, divorce Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (22 January 2010):
Well I think the reason for divorcing you isn't necessarily YOU, but he's probably not feeling like a "man" and the husband he should be (he's depressed and going broke) so he can't provide for you financially and emotionally, so he probably sees divorce as an easier way out.
As far as him calling you for advice, that's all it is. He needed someone to talk to and he called you. There's really nothing underneath it, besides maybe it was his way of telling you why he's not a "good husband."
I think that if you're expecting something out of regularly talking to him, then yes, it is doing yourself harm because you're hoping for something that won't happen; however, if you can go about this as the timing isn't right for you two to be married, things aren't meant to be, your husband has his own issues that he needs to go through, but you're willing to be each others' support moreso as "friends" then I think you can be okay. But if you're secretly wanting to get back together, then it's probably best for your own best interest to try and move on.
A
female
reader, Risingfromashes +, writes (22 January 2010):
Risingfromashes is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPs. The more I read the more I seem to find that his behavior does seem bi polar. What's scarier still is he's around people who self medicate with alcohol and worse and I really wish I knew that be will be alright and not follow that same dark road. Whether we are together or not he should get help, it's free for him with military benefits! He should have been going a long time ago. I miss him so much and it hurts.thank you again!
...............................
A
female
reader, Gridrebel +, writes (22 January 2010):
 No wonder your mother hates him. Look at what he's doing to her daughter! Look into the future and assume you have a daughter getting ready to embark on her adult life. Would you want this type of a man for her? This man is an obvious mental wreck. Can you seriously say this is the man you want to father your 13 children, to weather through lifes ups and downs with, to grow old with? No, really...is he? Re-read your question. There wasn't one good thing about this guy. Not even in the begining. Why would you want him back?
...............................
A
female
reader, Risingfromashes +, writes (22 January 2010):
Risingfromashes is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI told him in reply to his "nothing can fix our relationship" that that's a straight-out lie and he knows it but it doesn't change the fact that he wants to end it and that I'm just giving him what he wants. He didn't have a response to that. When I said I'd fly there (bluffing for now anyways, I don't have the money), he told me not to and it would be a waste of time. I still want to to prove that I'll do almost anything. He is I'm debt (when he attempted suicide we were going broke, too.) it's from the hospital bills but he says "I didn't know divorce would cost so much" blaming it on that. He says he doesn't want my money, and when he told me he increasingly wants to get drunk, I told him that's a reason not to send him money. He hung up but calls back to apologize tell me he was going to say every mean thing he could think of so that I will move on, but decided not to! I told him it wouldve hurt him more than me and that it wouldn't even make me want to be with him less that I could see through it- that's when he told me not to expect anything from him calling me. We hung up then because he needed to go. We were in the army together and he was diagnosed with PTSD (but from his childhood mainly) and they were experimenting with mood-stabalizers because they couldn't diagnose what was wrong with his behavior. He also has back problems at age 21. I love him, I would go to the edge of the moon for him and I am worried. I'm still evaluating whether I should be upset for him calling me like this or if that would be selfish. I was alright even though I was dreaming of him everynight and sleep in the bed we shared, but now I'm more confused again and worried about his welfare mainly, and secondly about his "I won't change my mind" about divorce even though that's exactly what the divorce is about! Thank you, sincerely!
...............................
|
