A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i never think that i will experience this in my life. im married to my long time boyfriend that actually we arent compatible to be together. we dont really know each other as we seldom meet back then we dated. we now have 8 months son.prior to our marriage, he shows some sign of bad husband material but i go on and still marrying him anyway thinking he would change after we marry. naive i know. its a big mistake. he got worse and worse. shows his true self and no way back for me. at first period of our marriage its still good for us. we had good sex and very solid. things went bad since his mom involved in our relationship and bully me. yes we are living together and his mom is a jealous freak. shes jealous if my husband treats me good and even jealous if my father in law was kind to me. my husband is not supportive of me and dont defend me on his mom behaviour. he just make it worse by telling them what supposed to be our marital secret to his mom. its been almost 2 years im into this situation. it feels like hell living like this. i suppose to be very happy knowing that im pregnant for the first time in my life but he never been there for me during my preganancy. he would come home everyday at 2 in the morning and said its his job requirement and i know he has affair and having fun with his friends. he never shows that he cares about us. he said he want to just be friend with me when im 5 months preganant. he said he doesnt care and will help me if i meet someone new later. he said he doesnt have any feeling left. once he threaten to hit me if i disobey him. thats when im pregnant with his son. after i had my son he doesnt change. he gambled away his money and im a stay at home mom. while he doesnt have money to support our life, his mom keep bullying me and find fault in me in his house. i feel so under pressure everyday. last year an aquintance of mine wish me birthday and it start from there. we have a constant chat everyday. shares our life story. we have been friend before i married but we never met. i never attracted to him as i consider him to be a bad guy. he has free life before. now he is in my life everyday for almost half year. we chat from we woke up until we sleep. he showers me with present sent to my address. sometimes he delivers it himself sometimes by courier. he shows he genuinely love me. cares for me. weird i know. he got nothing from me as far as we connected. he knows my situation and said he is ready to marry me if im single not marrying to my current husband. he gives me advices to keep my relationship good with my husband and wish us will be better. but he said in case we cant keep it he is ready to marry me and accept me as who i am. he loves my son too. he bought present for my son and like to ask me for his pictures. i feel this relationship is weird. we never met in person. but he met my brother and mother once when he deliver things to my house. he said he is my friend. its weird that we never meet in person but we each other feel so connected. i should add that he never married before and is 1 year above me. why he wants to marry me though? i still find it weird. he shows that he really concern about my wellbeing and always be there for me. this isnt only my feeling but i know he loves me. i had to admit that theres times when i feel i gave up when my husband and his family treat me bad. i have imagination what if i marry to this guy. he had expressed how his desire to be together with me. i know it sounds ridiculous but i just feel so lonely. i told my best friend about this and she support me if i married him. she said a golden chance never come twice. im not sure about leaving my husband because of my son.am i cheating? am i doing the wrong things? what do you think?
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affair, best friend, jealous, money, period Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2019): What i find about you OP is you're not even thankful for the advice you are ever given and you have had lots of help, you never once thank anyone for trying to advise you, you just clearly read, discard the advice then come back with the same issues just worded differently, i am sure you have even changed your age range as well.
You don't take any advice given so i don't understand why you keep on asking on here if i am honest.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2019): I almost didn't think it was the same poster who has posted several times but lots of the usual give away information. You will stay with him because you have been given advice on here time and time again but you simply go away then come back a few months later rewording things to STILL get the same advice.
I have nothing to add.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2019): I worry about two things: 1. if your husband finds out about your relationship with this other guy, he might be violent to you. 2. I also worry that if you leave your husband for this other guy the other guy might turn out to be a bad guy and only want you for sex or something. I think you should leave your husband and move in with a friend or your parents until you sort things out. Maybe date a guy and get to know him well before committing. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2019): I don't think you're doing anything wrong because your husband already said he just wants to be friends. He's cheated and threatened violence. You do whatever you want! He's a trashbag.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2019): This is a typical case of an unhappy marriage where two people have fallen out of love for each other. The only right solution here is divorce. My advice is tell all this to your mother. You need her help. You need your whole family's help. Get it off your chest and let it come to open also make it clear to your husband that you want to finish things if he accepts it then you know what to do. You deserve to be happy in your life like everybody else. You only live once so why should you live it misrably? You will not be the first or the last single mother in this world. Go back to your family and occupy yourself with your son till he is a few years old then leave him with your mum and go out and get a job to support yourself. One final advice. Leave the other guy too. Cut all contacts with him. Dont let him infuence your decision. Dont get involved with any other men until you clear this mess and you are completely free from any ties. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (29 June 2019):
 I can't help wondering if, everyone once in a while, you feel bored and decide to post to see what responses you will get. I do also wonder how much of this is true but I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume it is ALL true.
That said, I would advise EXTREME caution. You say yourself this new suitor is a "bad guy". You have never met. He showers you and your son with gifts and tells you he loves you and will marry you if/when you are free. He shows a particular interest in your son. I may be way off the mark (I hope for your sake and particularly your son's sake I AM totally wrong) but I would wonder whether human trafficking might be involved here. Take a look at this story holistically. Young bored mother, craving attention and love as her husband provides neither. Young male child. Mother happy to send photographs of child to this man she has never met. Does none of this ring ANY alarm bells with you?
My guess would be, EITHER this is a guy who can't form REAL relationships but revels in the "romance" of showering women with gifts, telling them he loves them and planning make-believe futures with them. If you were to meet and were free, he would probably disappear from your life as fast as he appeared. OR, more worryingly, he has plans for you and/or your son which do not involve protecting you.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (29 June 2019):
 OP, I'm pretty sure you have written in several times about this situation but you do absolutely nothing to change anything. Every post is a little different but still with the same problems. You are an adult, not a child but you are trying to live in some sort of fantasy world. Wake up and face reality! If you husband is that bad and you don't love him then leave him and make your own life. There must be a way to do so.
Yes you are emotionally cheating. You have some sort of fantasy with this mystery man that you don't even know and you want to possibly run away with him? GET REAL sister!
You refuse to listen to any of our advice and yet you keep writing here. WHY??? Do something to change your life and make things better for your child.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 June 2019):
 Yes, you are chearing. Emotionally cheating. Yes, it's a wrong thing. Your husband is no saint and he cheated first - but, two wrongs do not make a right. What do you want to prove him, that you can be as bad as he is ?... What for ? What's the need for that ?... As a matter of fact , what you are doing, even more than being " wrong ", is simply pointless and, pardon me, stupid. When a marriage/ partnership does not work and does not make anybody happy anymore, you dissolve it, not just sabotage it passive-aggressively. I could justify you , if you were trapped into a violently abusive situation, where you fear for your life in case you should leave …. " Never ! I will never let you leave me, woman. You'll either be mine- or be dead ": Bollywood style, soap opera style- yet, alas , this stuff may still happen.
But you ? Yout husband, with all his flaws, becomes easygoing and supportive when you talk about leaving. He'll be happy for you if you meet someone else, he will HELP you to get free and start a new life with a new man.
He does not want to be married anymore. That's plain, simple and visible. So why do you want to hang on to him nails and teeth ( while at the same time carrying on shady, sleazy and pointless romance with another man ) ? Haven't you got any pride left ?
Ok, you are a stay at home mom, with no monthly income…. I know, but what difference does it make, since your husband does not provide for you and your son ? Since , every times he gets any money, he squanders it with his cronies or gambles it away? since, as I remember from previous posts, he always ASKS money from you, rather than giving it to you ?
Don't tell me that you hang in there… so that you can scrounge off your ( much despised ) in laws. Tsk tsk, not cool. I can easily believe they are difficult, even terrible people, but - they are footing the bills, aren't they ? People should not spit in the plate where they eat …
And, btw, WHY are you a stay -at-home mom ( having an impecunious and irresponsible husband ? ) Why don't you get a job ? You did not work during your pregnancy and as far as we know, you did not work even before, when you got married….. Ok, that may have seemed a good idea for a while, but now clearly it's not viable anymore , IF you want to be free and stop living a lie, and a tragicomedy .
You also , lucky you, have the alternative to be supported and helped by your own family, but you don't even want to do that. Why ?
Don't you want to live in freedom, dignity and respect ?
I think maybe it's time to grow up…. you sort of live like a rebellious teenager, mad at her demanding, overbearing parents, but still totally dependent from them, financially and emotionally…. who, to comfort herself, locks herself in her little pink bedroom and indulges in some wacko romantic pipe dream with some " kind " stranger .. who, for all she knows, might be a serial rapist or a serial killer….
Yeah- time to grow up and show some character, some strength, some integrity. Your son, poor kid, will be already learnimg deception, manipulation and opportunism from his dad; please make sure that at least he gets some positive examples from his mom !
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2019): You're accepting presents and chatting all day with a single-man, and you're a married-woman. You are having conversations about love, and leaving your husband. Does that sound like cheating to you?
How can he love your son, if he has never really met him? How can he love you, when all you do is chat and take his presents? He's not really in your life, he sends you messages and gifts; and talks sweet-talk. He's Santa Claus, a pen-pal, and Romeo all rolled into one.
Your story sounds very familiar. It's a strange coincidence that three or four posts have nearly the same story-line from start to finish. It's really uncanny that a post about a gambling broke husband, his mean mother, and the recent introduction of a baby-boy into the soap opera...all seems to reappear every two to three months! Telling basically the same story; but each time adding a new element. It's like a TV drama.
If you're looking for justification for accepting the gifts or pity; then you'll receive it, if it helps at all. The situation won't change until you leave your husband. Asking the same question over and over, doesn't get a different answer; unless you just like sympathy, or waiting for someone to tell you what you want to hear.
When a broke-husband and his family treats you badly; you divorce him. If you're going to make excuses why you can't do that; then there's little sense in seeking advice. However, it may be good to vent and get your problems off your chest. If you don't follow the advice you receive; then all we can do is repeat ourselves.
You don't have to have sex with a man to be cheating on your husband. If you are giving or receiving affection and attention from non-related males; and the topic of marriage or romance comes up. You're having a psychological-affair. That is, until sex eventually does enter the situation. Sooner or later it will.
He's not just being noble and generous, he's wooing you and filling your head with nonsense.
I recall one post where you (or your twin) says her husband says he doesn't mind if she has an affair. If you find a man, keep it secret, and take your husband up on his suggestion. It is still cheating! He gave you permission; so you can tell him. If you're not going to leave your husband for the other man; then you're just taking advantage of him for the presents, and his attention.
How do you explain where the presents come from? If you lie, that's part of cheating!
If you're not going to leave your useless husband and his mean mother, maybe you have some other problem we all can help you with?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2019): You should leave your husband. You wouldn't want your son growing up and treating woman like his father does do you? Show your son how a happy good relationship is. Take things slow with men though because you don't know how they'll be to your son.
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