A
female
age
30-35,
*dsbabygirl
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years. I am truely in love with him. I have recently for the past 3 months been really mean to him. I will say mean and hurtful things like call him fat and ugly. I tell him that I don't want to be with him and that he is worthless. As soon as the words come out I regret saying them and it is almost as if someone else in saying it. I told him tonight that I would try to be nicer to him, but I have brought him to tears before with my mean words. I feel bad because I don't want to hurt him. He is a diagnosed bipolar and he said that I show alot of sign on it. It would not surprise me because my older sister was diagnosed and shortly after commited suicide. I don't know what my problem is, but I need answers fast. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, edsbabygirl +, writes (11 June 2008):
edsbabygirl is verified as being by the original poster of the question All you have to do is try and if you really love him it will work out but do something before its to late
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (28 May 2008):
 what helps me is to sit down in a quiet place, pen and paper, and write down your thoughts. you're as strong as you ever will be, just need to tap into it. people don't change, their habits, behaviors and choices do. start developing yourself into who you want to become. It's a difficult process, but well worth it when you get to where you choose to go.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, edsbabygirl +, writes (28 May 2008):
edsbabygirl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much rcn. I take your kind words to heart. I just wish that I was stronger and new what I wanted.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (28 May 2008):
Bipolar, it could be. It could also be created by the trauma from loosing your sister, plus dealing with the emotional abuse. Trauma begins small, but when not dealt with, it grows. It does so to the point it begins peaking from your subconscious to your conscious mind. This creates changes in behavior which can includes anger and depression.
If he's trying to get you to do what you don't want too, he may not be the right person for you. Someone who loves you won't act that way. All though your mom is not nice. What she says is a bunch of crap. You are your own person. Your importance is how you view yourself, not how others view you. Don't allow your mom's comments to keep you from becomming the best person you choose too.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, edsbabygirl +, writes (27 May 2008):
edsbabygirl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFor the Update...I talked to my boyfriend and I told him that I need to treat him better. So I have been really nice and when ever I get mad, I kind of just suck it up. He is alot happier now but he keeps on trying to get me to do things I don't want to do as a guilt trip. so I am starting to get realy mad.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008): tell ur bf what u think u have...so he can understand. then think of ways u can get around it...take a break from him, go see a doctor, get him to tell you whenever you behave weirdly
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A
male
reader, a_decent_1  +, writes (27 May 2008):
 We "speak" what we "think" .. !!
Control your thoughts.. !! Are you worried about your BF being Ugly or Fat...? Did someone call him that and you felt bad..? Does your Best Friend have a much handsome Guy...? There can be numorous reasons.. !!
You need to control your thoughts and need to respect him.. Whenever you think something offensive about him, tell yourself how much he loves you and how many good qualities he has.. !! Please make sure you respect him when he isn't around.. ;)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008): Lots of mental problems have similar characteristics and they should only be diagnosed by qualified professionals. It seems to me you are trying to use your boyfriend as a punching bag to deal with stress and personal problems. Preliminarily I think you might be depressed because the only symptoms you are sharing are closely related to that illness (depression).
Mental problems run in the family so it wouldn't surprise me if you were diagnosed with something due to your sister's diagnose. Whatever it may be you should never consider suicide as an option. I'm sorry about your sister but suicide is not something you do to make things better but to make them worst.
Fight for your life and for the memory of your sister. I suggest you go to a therapist and to a christian church were you will be taught that there's hope and happiness in Jesus Christ's promises. I was also depressed and without hope and church and God changed my life for the better and now I can smile.
Most of our mental problems come from the mistreatment we received from our parents and family members. It's not exactly their fault because they were reaised being mistreated and that's what they did to us. But it doesn't mean we don't deserve respect, love and acceptance from everyone.
You were born with a purpose in life and it doesn't matter what your parents or family say you have to believe in yourself. Believe in what you feel, think, do or want. Believe it because you are a separate individual and not an extention of your family. Do not let them belittle you in any way. They might be emotionally sick and you should be aware of that so you will not fall into their vicious circle.
Do not sabotage your relationship. Your boyfriend is there to support you (I hope) and he needs your support too.
Don't worry you are not a terrble person. You are just going through a phase. A very difficult one but I believe you'll get over it. I believe you will smile again and be full of hope. I believe you can do it.
Just by asking for help here you are showing a lot of courage and a willingness to get over this situation.
Success!
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A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (27 May 2008):
 Hi there...
Psychological diagnosis are not something someone should and could do over the Internet, you should seek professional help. If you are bipolar, you will need medication and treatment and that can not be done over the Internet.
If you are not bipolar, there could be something physically or emotionally wrong. A doctor can send some blood tests to see if your hormones are acting up on you. If not, what rcn is saying sounds about right. Also, there could be something in your relationship you've been dragging and is showing up now. Tell your parents so they can help you seek help.
I am very sorry for your loss... I too lost my brother and I am very aware of the difficulty of it all. Getting through is not easy but I can assure you if you decide to and look for help you will be able to genuinely smile again. Best of lucks!
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A
female
reader, edsbabygirl +, writes (27 May 2008):
edsbabygirl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI fight with my mom alot. I can't wait to move out. The only kind of abuse around here is mental. That I am worthless and a lazy bitch. My sister was 18 when she passed away. I was 13 when she passed. I looked up to her. I loved her. I was home when she did it and I saw her body.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (27 May 2008):
Before answering, just a couple of questions for you. (1) How has your life been at home? Any forms of physical, sexual, or mental abuse? How old was your sister when she passed? How close were you too her? How old were you when she passed? Anything else hard to experience, such as the suicide, you've had to deal with?There can be many behaviors this can be associated with. These answers can help to narrow them down. Thank you. Take care.
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