A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have hooked up with one of my closest male friends 3 times. Last time we hooked up was June. Neither of us talks about what happened and we continue our friendship as always, except for the occasional heated look he gives me and warmer hugs.After not seeing each other for almost a month,we went to the pool together. We were swimming and his bathing suit slipped a bit when he dived. He mentioned this to me and also said "it's a good thing you,re not wearing your glasses". I laughed at the comment but I admit I was a bit irked... I mean, it's not like I havent already seen all there is to see...so why the sudden embarrassment?Later on we changed into our clothes in separate rooms. Am I being unreasonable at being annoyed that he doesn't seem to acknowledge the fact that we've shared a bed?I dont want a heart to heart talk, nor am I looking for a reltionship, just a little something that tells me that he ackowledges what happened... After all, he started it. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain +, writes (24 August 2011):
WWhat are you expecting? Maybe he's madly in love with you but thinks you just want sex? Maybe he wonders if you "hookup" with loads of guys? You need to communicate with more than your sex organs!
A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (24 August 2011):
 If you don't want a relationship or a heart-to-heart talk, what do you want him to say to you?
"Did you enjoy it?" "When are we going to hook up again?";
"You haven't spoken about our hook-up since June. Why? are you embarrassed?"
If he's not going to bring it up, then maybe you should either speak to him, or decide to leave it alone.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (24 August 2011):
 This is why you don't just "hook up" - and why you have to hold out for letting him come calling, court you, ask for a date, take you out, and wait for you.
"He started it" isn't any of the above. Now, it's pretty obvious it was just sex and that's okay for him, he assumes that it was for you as well because you went along with it.
It's not okay you YOU because when women sleep with guys - their hearts and feelings get wrapped up in it. That's why FWB usually winds up with the girl in tears. "B-b-b-b-ut I thought...." No. It didn't mean anything to him. "I dont want a heart to heart talk, nor am I looking for a reltionship, just a little something that tells me that he acknowledges what happened..."? I for one don't understand that statement at all because it's quite obvious that you do want something from him and you need to figure out what that is.
There's a reason why sex isn't casual for women; we have to plan around what happens later when we give birth, and that part of our hardwiring is all wrapped up with the sex act. It means something to us. As entertaining as the Samantha character is in Sex in the City; she's never quite as endearing to us as when she let's her guard down and her tears show, because we all see ourself in her finally. Most of us know one girl like that and we all know she is bluffing playing the "it didn't mean anything to me" card.
Sorry if I am being totally blunt.
The only thing that YOU can do is make it plainly clear and obvious to him that you wish to be acknowledged is to totally VANISH from his life and make it obvious from your absence that you are not "friends". Then he will at least have to come looking for you and possibly court you if that is what you are looking for and you will eventually have an answer; even if he never calls as well.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2011): It just sounds like an off the cuff, fairly amusing comment to me. the fact that you have been slightly offended does indicate to me that women are not able to have FWB and men are. We like to deny this but I still think it is true.
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A
female
reader, skibri  +, writes (24 August 2011):
 Without the heart to heart talk, maybe just drop him a phone call or text asking whats going on? Maybe he just simply feels akward the fact that you both hooked up 3 times and it didn't work or maybe he still likes you just doesn't have the courage.
Anyway your best bet is to have a chat- it doesn't have to be heart to heart- it could be via email or text and then you'll know whats going on
hope this helps
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