A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:For the past few months, my fiance has stopped being affectionate towards me and I really don't know why. The main thing is the kissing. He refuses to kiss me every time I lean in to give him one. He tells me I need to wait. I've asked him several times why he doesn't kiss me as much anymore and he always replies with the same reason. "You need to be patient and wait. You're not going to die if you don't get ten million kisses a day. Now stop begging." What I don't get is, he works all week and I stay home (looking for a job right now)and do housework, laundry, and the cooking. He leaves for work at 5:50 every morning and he gets home on most days at 4 or 5. So I rarely get to see him and hardly ever get to spend time with him seeing how he goes automatically to the laptop after he gets home from work and stays on there until he goes to bed. He does the same thing on the weekends. Sits on the laptop from sunrise to sundown. So, he over exaggerates when he says I don't need "ten million kisses" a day. I hardly get anytime with him to even ask ten million times. I honestly have no clue why he's doing this to me. I asked him why he's doing it and he told me he's trying to teach me patience. He wants me to stop begging. Funny thing is, I haven't begged in over month and nothing changed. He still acted the same about it. I brought that up and he told me things aren't going to change because I stop begging. I've already told him I enjoy kisses, and that being kissed makes me feel good about myself because I know he loves me and still cares. He never listens though. He usually tries to talk over me, stating his reason AGAIN. I always thought that this stuff happens after you get married, have kids, and are much older. He's 20 and I'm 19. We've been together for 2 years. We plan to get married two years from now (He set the date. I wanted it to be much sooner.) We're still pretty young and I honestly think it's weird for a guy his age to not want to make out or get all steamed up. But then again, he thinks making out is what you do when you can't have sex and parents are around. Don't know who told him that. Can anyone explain to me what might be the problem? I have excellent oral hygiene, and according to him, I'm not a bad kisser. I'm in desperate need of some answer because what he tells me makes no sense whatsoever. Never heard of a guy making a girl be patient just to get a kiss.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (25 August 2011):
 "I asked him why he's doing it and he told me he's trying to teach me patience."
That line there tells me your boyfriend is a stuck up self righteous jerk. Sorry. But you know as well as me that he's not in any position to "teach" you anything. When he got with you and got engaged to you even that was him saying "I accept you just as you are and love you", not him saying "from this moment on I will treat you like a dog and ignore you and teach you to never expect anything from me".
He's on the lappy all day? What's he doing on there? Gaming I presume? He's ignorant of your needs and the needs of this relationship, he's taking you for granted. If he doesn't step up soon and get his head out of his arse (excuse my language) the relationship will be gone before he knows it.
He's immature. "But then again, he thinks making out is what you do when you can't have sex and parents are around." Doesn't that line just say it all about his level of maturity? Doesn't that line also tell you everything you need to know about how he views kisses and more importantly how he views sex?
I've been 19 and engaged, I know what it's like. And you'll hate to hear this, but you'll be doing yourself a favour getting rid of this guy. I've been in your position too many times and see it clear as day, this guy doesn't value you. He doesn't love you, you're just convenient to have around, and he has no idea what love actually is! One clear sign of love is thinking of your partner. Tell me, when does he think of you? He works, then goes on his lap top, ignores you and your needs, belittles you, acts like he gets a right to teach you (as if wanting kisses was a bad thing)....
It's not about you. You've done nothing wrong. But you can't change people who don't see the harm in what they do and who are so self centered they can't see beyond their own noses. Your boyfriend is immature and only thinks of himself. Always look to his actions instead of his words, and his actions right now are telling you that he's acting like he's single and refuses to be intimate with you or show affection. He acts like he's your little brother to be honest, bothered when you disturb him in his games.
He'll make you miserable if you marry him. Good for you the date isn't set until some years, so you'll get a good amount of time to see his actions clearly and make up your final decision. He wont be improving I'm afraid... and after marriage all these things will get 10 times worse.
A
female
reader, mis understood +, writes (25 August 2011):
Sorry to break the news huney but it sounds like you man maybe struggling with his sexual orientation. These are red flags. Check is internet history if you can (discreetly). Any man who does not want to kiss a clean woman (let alone his girl) has somesexual desire problems going on. Check out repressed homophbia. Put your investigation panties on because something is definitely going on! Best of luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2011): Turn the computer off at the mains.
Pamper yourself soak in the bath get all made up,lie on the sofa naked and wait for him to come home.
If this is too wild for you.Dress provocatively make him notice you.
Or get yourself out of the house go to zumba get a hobby yourself, let him get piles sitting on a chair night after night.
Hopefully this will work.
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