A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice as to whether I overreacted or if he was throwing hints because I'm feeling kind of stupid and inadequate. Okay, my boyfriend and I have been together 3 years. We're both in our early 30's. Our sex life has been generally good except for me riding him.I've NEVER had problems with it in past relationships but for some reason our bodies just doesn't mesh well when I'm on top of him. The reason being - he has wide hips and I have big thighs so when I straddle him my knees/legs are basically pushed into his hips, not leaving much actual moving space at all. There's no real space allowed for me to bounce so I'm usually left rocking back/forth and grinding and as a result of this problem I don't ride him very often nor get very excited to do so.He's 35 and has only had one other woman in his entire life ride him, and she only did once.. so he's definitely no expert on how it should be done. All he knows about it is what he's saw on porn (which I tell him is a bad comparison). He's had a pretty boring/dull sex life it seems and apparently I'm the only one that actually does anything. One time in the past that I did it he said that I needed to use my knees more because of our "hip/thigh" problem. Another time I did it he moaned out (like I've never heard before) so there was no denying he enjoyed that one.However, the reason I'm here right now is because he's always wanting me to do it but I feel like he never likes how it's done because he never says anything while I'm doing it, he waits until later and makes some kind of subtle remark, which pisses me the hell off. Because he's never had a gf that would experiment or one that he had reason to say "try it like this blah blah blah" he doesn't tell me anything.Yesterday we were having sex and towards the end I told him to lay down as to which I climbed on top and rode him to finish. I didn't have ANY issues with it because I was completely into it and unaware if there was the dreaded "hip/thigh" issue. After a couple minutes (which is always minutes when I'm on top) he goes limp and tells me that he already got off and knew if I hadn't finished that I'd be pissed so he wasn't going to make it obvious and hopefully if I kept riding on him maybe he'd get it back up again so I could finish. He let out one slight moan but really gave no indication he got off.I accused him of not liking it and he told me he enjoyed it and was thinking of everything he could to not get off but it didn't work. I let it go and believed he actually got off and was satisfied until....we were lying in bed last night (like 5 hours later) and he asked me if I'm going to ride him more often if I'll do it facing backwards and then he said "maybe it will be easier on the hips".. then he paused a second and (after realizing what he said I'm assuming) tries to save it by saying "but it wasn't really a problem this time, was it for you?". That comment made me absolutely furious and I lashed out at him asking him why he brought that up if he was satisfied with it earlier in the day. He couldn't give me an answer and got mad at me, for being mad, and said he enjoyed it and that I turn everything around.I'm furious, well hurt, because I feel like now he just laid there and let me fuck him even though he wasn't enjoying it. That he just let me do it because I wanted to and was willing. This is the *only* issue we seem to ever have when it comes to sex. I asked him why he didn't tell me when I was on top it was uncomfortable (so I could've re-positioned myself or tried something different) and he said that he didn't say that, he enjoyed it and how he can't ever say anything without me taking it the wrong way. My question was/is why mention the hip issue if it wasn't an issue in the first place. So I'm sitting here upset thinking that he wasn't able to get off, because of that issue, just lost his boner and didn't say anything about it to avoid conflict. However, after it was over I was still horny and tried everything to get him up and *nothing* worked and he said it was because he did get off. I'm just wanting some encouraging words I guess. I feel like I'm not good enough atm.
View related questions:
horny, limp, porn, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2013): I think he is right and you're taking things the wrong way and ruining the sex for everyone.He said he enjoyed it. And indeed he is always asking you to do it so that shows he enioys it. But you refuse to believe him and instead accuse him of lying. That's a sure way to ruin sex for yourself and for him. Next time he will not enjoy it because of your attitude.He can feel uncomfortable because of the hip issue but still be able to get off. And even if he did lose his erection, why does that make you upset if he wasn't upset by it? He keeps asking you to do it so clearly he enjoys something about it. Maybe he enjoyed the closeness and the passion even if the physical sensation wasn't intense enough to get off? But you do not allow any room for him to experience and enjoy sex other than how YOU want him to enjoy it. Either way it seems that you are creating conflict out of thin air. He says he enjoyed the sex and you accuse him of lying. And because you believe he didn't enjoy it, then you get mad at him for not enjoying it. Seems like you put him and yourself in a lose-lose situation. Why don't you just let it go and accept that yes this position is uncomfortable I predict that if you keep this pattern going, sooner or later he WILL lose his ability to get an erection around you because sex will become this war zone and he will associate it with conflict and the need to put on an act to avoid you getting upset.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (25 November 2013):
You know what, I agree with the first answer; you have an anger problem... I'm sure you won't agree, but it's written very clearly in your question, and your boyfriend is absolutely right when he says that you're taking things the wrong way.
He obviously liked it. Period. He came pretty quickly, regardless of if it was uncomfortable on his hips.
Let me tell you that I've had a number of sexual injuries over the years and they were all worth it. Sex is about the penis and the vagina. If they're happy then hips and knees tend to put up with some discomfort.
If you don't work on your attitude you're going to cause even more problems than you already have, possibly even erectile problems. The first thing you should do is tell him that you're sorry for the way you've been acting, he deserves it.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2013): YOu really need to calm down about sex. YOu're mistreating him and being very mean regarding an act that should be fun and loving. Some positions just don't work. Who cares - there's like 1000 more out there.
...............................
|
