A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for just over a year. In this time I have suffered a bit of anxiety which has led to me being insecure and distrustful and spying on him and his internet history, accusing him and being quite needy and creating drama in general. God I sound like the worst girlfriend saying that!! I am working through this in counselling. Anyway, it all came to a head last week when we had a massive argument. He ended up going out with a friend, getting totally drunk (doesn't usually) and kissed another girl. He said he didn't go out looking for it, and he barely remembers it. However he did get her number and try to call her a few times before coming home to me. He didn't get through. He deleted her number and all that before we sat down and talked things through. We both have done wrong and are going to make it work. He's never ever cheated on a girl before and he says it will not come to that again. That the relationship will be finished before it ever happens - he was angry and upset going out. I need to stop being so distrustful. In a weird way it seems to have balanced things between us. I feel more trustful - and he feels that the power has evened out between us if that makes sense. I'm still hurts, and he hates to see me sad. But I'm confused and wondering what you all think of the situation . .. Ie: I've been treating him terribly for so long by not trusting him. And he did what I was afraid of in one night. Why does i feel better about things?! I thought I would be devastated but I'm more hopeful about the relationship now and less anxious! It's a strange and confusing thing in my head. He has agreed to not drink so much or stay out so late and work really hard to gain my trust and I have agreed to not snoop on him and earn back his trust. He could have left - he didn't. I was prepared to leave him if it came to it and he realised this. We are both sorry and both ashamed of our actions. He has been more affectionate and loving and happy since. Do you see hope for us? We get along so well and have all the other ingredients for a great relationship!We just needed balance it's seems...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2013): U were scared that he would met someone, and leave u. He went off and found someone even kissed them, but he didn't leave you, he came home.
A
female
reader, shna +, writes (25 November 2013):
 The thing is for so long u mistrusted him ! Like you had a reason that you secretly thought that he must have been doing something behind you back for so long and then it actually happened and now you feel relief because your thinking to yourself i wasnt crazy all along ! Mabye it was your gut instinct that you knew something would happen in this relationship mabye you knew all along one day he would cheat on you and thats why you built up so much anxiety and insecurity !Dont be fooled by this honeymoon phase !! It doesnt last long i know your both working through some issues in a positive way trying to turn the negative inside out ?But what about the time thats coming where he will be home late from work?Or he is hanging out with a group of friends in town ?Are you going to tell me then that nothing will be racing through your mind that you wont see pictures in your head that you wont start imagining the event of where he did actually kiss a girl and that it was her he was calling... And not you ?? I dont think you should be with him your in a very unstable place right now and things arnt going to get better you need to find your own independency and not be so dependant on others !
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (25 November 2013):
It's because you came to the realization that you were literally pushing him away with your insecurity, AND you probably realized that it's not the end of the world if something like this happens. The fear of the unknown causes many insecure people to be deathly afraid of infidelity... Once it happens, it's no longer unknown.
It's sort of like a phobia. If you're afraid of rabbits, but then someone puts one on your lap and you realize there's nothing to be afraid of, you can instantly be cured.
Infidelity sucks. Period. But, there isn't much you can do to prevent it. Assuming you picked a good person for you, they won't cheat on you, regardless of how much you spy on them. If they do cheat, it's sad, but it doesn't mean there's something wrong with YOU, it means that there was something wrong with your choice for a partner. Luckily, there are another 3.5 billion guys in the world, and losing a guy that cheats isn't that big of a deal.
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