A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 21 and this is my 2nd real relationship the last one lasted 5 years before we sort of moved apart (they were a lot older then me). i was in love and we had a great time, we were committed but i always enjoyed freedom to spend with other friends and for my other interests.The girl I have fell in love with now is a couple of years old then me and has a 7 year old. she is very jealous of my oldest and closest friend, i did not tell him about the relationship at first and we did spend a lot of time together, when i told him about the relationship he took a step back, and i have spent every night with her. though she has never met him she hates him and is very jealous. me and my friend go away skiing soon (been planned for a long time already paid for, well before i met my current girl friend), and she hates the idea and argues with me about it.I seem to spend all my time running around after her, i have to be in at certain times, i have to ask to even see my best friend and she sulks if i do. now she tells me she wants a baby, i am not ready yet for this we have only be going out for 7 months, we have big arguements about it, she tells me if i love her i would would try for a baby now. I do love being with her, and really do fancy her and i believe i love her, i have always wanted children of my own and a family but in the future, but is this right for me am i being selfish, or is she trying to control my life, what should i do?
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female
reader, aunty t  +, writes (9 March 2007):
 I dont think that you are being selfish at all. This woman is trying to take control of your life and if you have a baby with her you are playing right into her hands. You need to stand up to her and tell her that your friend has been in your life for along time and that you are not going to ask for permission to see him. Go on your holiday and enjoy yourself and dont let her nag you into not going even though she will make you feel very guilty if you do. This relationship is fairly young so you must start as you mean to go on. If you really like her and see a future together you must lay down some ground rules. But if you let her keep going the way she is you are in for a life of misery. You are not her lap dog you are her partner. I dont think you should neglect you friend either as he was a big part of your life. Having a baby at this stage would be a big mistake as she would have a big hold over you. Stand up for yourself and dont let her walk all over you. I hope things work out for you.
Aunty t
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2007): I agree with AskEve, this relationship is not going anywhere. This girl sounds very insecure and self-centered and she does not sound like she really knows what a healthy relationship is all about.
She is a single mom, looking for a man to support her and her kid, and she wants to have a baby with you because that is her way of locking you down. Sadly there are a lot of women out there who mistakenly think that having a child with a man will win them a husband...these women do not want to ever be self-sufficient, and they want to get through life on their looks, they don't work hard to achieve anything and as a result it is not in their character to be a "partner" in the marriage.
My sister's sister in law is this type of woman, she strictly wanted her husband for his paycheck, and she had his kids, but she is jealous, makes him ask permission to go over to his twin brother's house (my sister's husband) she is nasty to my sister, her sister in law, and she is not very loving towards her husband, he is miserable and this has not changed in the 13 years that they have been married, being Catholic and having kids, he won't ask for a divorce. She stopped working once married and she basically is in charge of spending money and taking the kids around town in their GAP clothes, that is all she will put them in.
Just my opinion, but I think she is a loser and you ought to lose her.
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A
female
reader, Bella55  +, writes (9 March 2007):
Ya I forgot to add that part: Wear a condom, cos if she falls pregnant with your child, your life is over!!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (9 March 2007):
 You're not being unreasonable wanting to go this holiday with your friend whether it's been paid for or not. She IS trying to control you here, she's also jealous of you and your friend and she wants to be first in your life. You need to sit down with her and be assertive. Let her know that she is priority in your life but you need your friends too (and let's face it, at the end of the day he was in your life well before she came along.)
You need balance in your life. There is no reason why you can't spend time with her and see your friend on occasions too, if she's not happy with that then you may need to rethink whether or not it's right to continue with her. If she's like this now, can you imagine what it would be like marrying her??? She also needs to trust you more, instead of her TELLING you when to be home, she should just say "don't be too late babe" or something to that effect. Don't let her treat you this way, it is demeaning to you and will eventually suck all your self esteem.
Regarding the baby issue.... You would be absolutely mad to even consider having a child with her the way things are at the moment. ALWAYS remember to wear a condom, in case she tricks you into fatherhood! That would be disaster the way your relationship is at the moment. "If you love me you would try for a baby with me now" - Bollocks! It's only another form of control. DON'T give in to her on this, it would be the worst mistake of your life if she were to fall pregnant.
My honest opinion here is that this relationship isn't going anywhere. As much as you fancy her and have a lot of feelings for her, she'll never change. She is too jealous and manipulating for you and it will only get worse. I don't think she'll ever accept your friend (he's too close to you) or any other friends you make. I feel your best bet would be to cut your losses with her before you become more emotionally involved but of course that decision is up to you.
Eve
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A
female
reader, Bella55 +, writes (9 March 2007):
I think this woman just wants children. I laughed when I got to the part where she asked you for a baby. Please tell her that she is not your mother. She will not stop until she controls you completely. Love is not like that. Maybe she had a bad relationship in the past, and she feels that this time she wont let it happen again, and shes trying different tactics. They are not going to work. Maybe she is using you to have children. Whateva the reasons. You are not being selfish, stand up for yourself, and dont ever get manupilated by doing something you dont want.She has to respect you, your space and your individuality.
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