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female
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anonymous
writes: Please help.My boyfriend dumped me just before christmas after two and a half years. It was horrendous, but I got on with it and feel better about things now. We were long distance, but met through his best friend, who is married to my best friend. We were a very cosy foursome. They live over here and we are very close. My ex lives in a different country.So, they gently told me last week that he is now seeing someone else. I called my ex and screamed at him. I was really upset but you know how they say "The darkest hour is just before the dawn." I cried all night and then the next morning felt fine about it all. Have felt much better since then really - its almost like that was closure.The trouble is, I am having difficulty with the fact that my ex and this new girl will now be hanging around with my best friends. my ex and i were going to a wedding with them in august - i am obvioulsy not now going, but i bet he takes her instead. It really hurts, and i just want to not mind and be happy for him. He doesnt love me any more and I can handle that - thats life. But the situation is just a nightmare. I dont want my friends to pity me, feel bad for me, or worry about offending me, I want to GENUINELY not care that he is with this (probably amazing) girl and not me. Any advice?Also, I am tempted to ask my friends about her, but am I right that this will make me feel worse? Advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation? I REALLY want to be cool about this and not make a fool of myself, and humiliate myself any more than ive already been humiliated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2007): I have been through something similar, except my ex lost all his friends and he doesn't have a new gf, however it still hurt a lot because I gave so much of myself. I have been finding it difficult to go to places where we went together and I avoid people that remind me of him. Now, 7 months later I am feeling better and can see these people and go to these places again without feeling upset and I know that it shows that I am happy again and nothing about him can make me hurt again. This has worked for me. I think you shouldn't ask your friends about the new person and just spend time with the people who were just your friends and the people who support you. It will be easier that way.
A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (9 March 2007):
 Hearing that he's with someone else now just brought it home to you that your relationship is in fact, finally over so it's normal for you to feel the way you did. Let your friends know that you hope he'll be happy with her and that you've long accepted the fact it's over now. You sound a bubbly person with a good head on your shoulders so I don't think your friends will pity you, they'll see you've moved on. As time goes on there's no reason why you can't ask about him and how he's doing and whether or not he's still with this girl or not, after all you were together with him for over 2 years.
Regarding this other woman, why don't you say something like "so come on then, tell me.... what's this other woman like? Is she nice, describe her to me?" Then when they do (if they've met her) then say "hey I'm genuinely pleased for him, I hope it works out" and leave it at that. That way you have been cool about the whole thing and they'll probably give you updates from time to time and even let you know when they break up (if they do in the future.)
Meanwhile, YOU need to get on with your life now. Don't let it pass you by. Go out there and live it to the full, enjoy yourself, you're single again, enjoy your singledom, assert yourself and just have fun!
Eve
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A
female
reader, Jendorset +, writes (9 March 2007):
Well, your best friends will hardly say loads of great things about her infront of you, so you wont really know if there telling the truth.They will just want to spare your feelings. She may not be ''amazing''. You cant force yourself to feel ok about it, forceing yourself will only make you feel worse. You are just going to have to give yourself time to get over it, thats when you will start to feel better. When your ready to. You need to let yourself heal.
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A
female
reader, kellyO +, writes (9 March 2007):
 Hi there,
I know how hard it is when u share friends with an ex and everything seems to crumble. It is difficult.
I think u should try to move on from this guy, it seems u still have a lot of feelings for him that is why u seem curious really. Hearing the news alone made u really sad.I think finding out more about her right now might make u feel even worse. What i would advise u to do is try stay away from him for a while and try get a hold of yourself. The best thing to do will be to try to forget him and find yourself someone else, dont u think???
Why not try go on a trip or make way for another guy through outings. I know this is hard just try. Get to date and enjoy friends for awhile even if u are not ready to commit yet. That way u get to meet other friends, your heart opens and grow fonder towards other people.
Wishing u all the best
Kelly
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A
female
reader, Bella55  +, writes (9 March 2007):
Do you know what I honestly think would be the best thing here for you? I think you should meet her. I think that as long as you dont know what she looks like or how she is, youre going to get obssessed about her.
I think you should meet her and if you have mutual friends sooner or later youre going to bump into one another. I know a lot of people prefer to not know things than rather know. But I think its safer to know, and from there you can deal with issues and your feelings a little bit more. Besides she may not be as "amazing" as you think...
Why dont you boost yourself up a bit, get yourself a new hairdo, buy some new clothes, go dancing and start meeting more friends, flirt and have fun!!!!
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