A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:me and my fiance have been together for a year and a half and lived together for a year,in the past week we have pretty much split up because i went to my parents house for a few drinks he was invited but decided he didnt want to come,just as i was on my way home he txt me saying he got bored so he's gone out with a few mates he didnt get home until 7 the next morning!i dont have a problem with him going out but i do have a problem with him coming in so late, now the whole thing has escalated so much that his parents and his friends all think that im being dramatic and dont see the problem with it whereas i think its a big problem and so do my family and friends.am i being dramatic or am i right?
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female
reader, Share Bear +, writes (3 August 2009):
 It strikes me that- if this is a one off occurrence? -then there must be something more going on to make you so upset.If it’s that you think something untoward went on when he was out so late, then it is an issue of not trusting him. (Which may, or may not, mean that you have any reason to not trust him).If it is an issue of him not talking to you about this afterwards and at least briefly/ calmly reassuring you that everything is fine, then it is an issue of you not being able to communicate with each other. (Fault may of course lie on either or both sides).If neither of these is an issue; you have no worry about what happened when he was out or who he was with, and he was decent and straight up with you about it when he got back; then it is an issue of control.(Unless, of course this is on ongoing issue, in which case it may be more of an issue/ with more underlying issues on his side as to why it might be happening, if it was more often than reasonable/ and you are never invited out with him).Maybe if you ask these questions of yourself it will help you to recognise why you are breaking off a loving commitment that you wanted to last for the rest of your life over one night?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2009): thanks to all thats replied you've been a great help xx
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A
female
reader, femalespicolli  +, writes (3 August 2009):
 Hell no you are not being dramatic.(Unless of course, you just can't get past this.)
You guys live together and are engaged and he didn't want to go out with you to your parents. So instead he goes out with his friends? Until 7am? No.
These other people must not understand what it is to be in a serious relationship, unless they just don't give a care about what their significant other does when they are out that late. I would be pissed too. I think that you should work past this, but you guys need to talk about what is appropriate behavior. Bars are rarely open until 7AM, so what was he doing all that time? Don't treat him like a child, but make sure that he understands that you are not O.K. with him doing that, especially since you two are sopposed to get married. Let him get the partying out of his system, but keep good communication once in awhile while he is out, one of these days he will realize he needs to grow up and that you are his priority. Good luck my dear!
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (3 August 2009):
 Why is it such a problem he came home late? Why does he have to be home for a certain time? I totally agree with quiet echo, he is a grown man and he doesnt need a curfew, so if he wants to stay out with his mates then who cares!
If he was going out, getting really drunk and then coming home at 7 frequently then that would indicate a problem, but if it was just a one-off then never mind! He was clearly having a good night, just some fun with his friends and it turned into a late one! He doesnt need to come home from a fun night out to his fiancee getting mad at him for his actions! While you are in a relationship and there needs to be consideration for each other, there also needs to be times when you can just go out and enjoy yourself and not worry about the consequences when you get home.
If you get on his back each time he goes out asking him what time he will be back etc then he will end up resenting you for taking away his freedom and stopping him from having fun. I have friends like you, who get majorly pissed off at their boyfriends if they come home later than they said they would. And those girls are the ones who nag their boyfriends all the time. Do you really want to be the nagging fiancee/wife?
Try and lighten up a bit, there is no harm to staying out late with friends as long as he tells you that he has gone out! If he had vanished when you got home and not heard anything from him until he crawled in at 7 then yes, you could get mad. But you knew he had gone out, so you had nothing to worry about.
It is a silly thing to break up over really - just be the bigger person and apologise to your fiance. But explain to him that you felt it was a little inconsiderate towards you and if he is going to do something like that again it would be nice if he could let you know he is going to be back late. You dont want to seem like a nag but then again he should be happy to take your feelings into consideration and compromise a little, so if you just talk to him I'm sure it will all be fine!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2009): There's nothing wrong with going out with friends for drinks but 7am? I think that is a little too late, or rather, early. If it's a one off let it go, but if he continues to keep coming home at 5,6,7am then ask him why -at that time bars and pubs are well and truly closed. He may be a grown man but he is an engaged grown man.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (3 August 2009):
 You have every right to be pissed!
That was a little too contrived on his part. Listen sweety, Im a guy...Im telling you that whole "got bored and going out" was designed to not include you, for whatever reason.
You dont need these games...I say Good riddance.
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