A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:As of spring of this year me and my girlfriend will have been dating one year. Throughout this year we have had our fair share of troubles like most young couples and I am interested in knowing if I am doing anything wrong and if I am what I can do to correct it. Late last year I was involved in a military event in my states capitol and was unable to go to the Sadies dance at our high school. Several days before both events take place she tells me she asked a guy she knows to the dance. She said she would go as friends and there was nothing going on between them. The night before she told me they were going to breakfast, shopping, and hanging out until the dance and spending the night there at the high school. Feeling uncomfortable I told her if thats what she wanted to do she was welcome to go. Weeks later rumors surfaced around the school that her and this guy were seen making out and after several heated conversations with her I agreed to continue the relationship and give her a once chance warning. She still continues to see and talk to this guy activly while im not around, whether im gone for the last half of school or before I come back from another school. She knows I dont like him because of what he did, and all the hours of sleep he's cost me but she still continues to spend time with him while im not around. At the semester start, I find out she has suggested a class chance to a period he is in. At school later I see him give her the fee to pay to switch classes out of his own wallet. She knows I am upset about it but thinks I am being too over sencitive and that I dont communicate how I feel about her spending time with him. (When I do talk to her about things like that she normaly brushes it off and forgets about it within a day or two) She says that I instead try and get farther away from her by doing things like Rangers offered at a local JROTC high school, and numerous Military Honor/Color Guard preformances. This is after she has said I should try doing more things instead of being stuck around the house (which in all honesty I beleive being out from seven in the morning and not returning until six or even nine at night, is considered being stuck indoors). I have put alot of time, thought and love into our relationship but im not sure where to go from now. I am very confused about what to do right now. I know she does still love me and I love her back but I wish we could have the earlier days of our relationship back. I dont feel that breaking up should be an option but the though has come acrossed my mind several times. I would like anyones opinion on this situation and comments on what they think I should change about the way I conduct myself.
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male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (24 January 2013):
I do not think her actions are appropriate for someone who is supposed to be in a relationship. You must sort this out or just end the relationship before something bad really happens.
While I think you are doing good for yourself I feel like you have gone from one extreme to the other ie being stuck at home all day to being outdoors all day. I think you need to aim for a girl who is working or who will not be easily distracted from lack of attention by fair means.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (24 January 2013):
 You poor thing, this girl has you right where she wants you and you are blaming yourself when the reality is this - SHE IS TREATING YOU LIKE CRAP.
It is all her fault, you have not put a foot wrong in this relationship and quite frankly she is taking the piss. I think your problem is that you are TOO understanding, too nice and willing to put up with anything because you 'love' her. She knows how much you love her, and she knows that you will put up with her bad behaviour - hence why she carries on doing it. You are basically a doormat, she is walking all over you and you are letting her do this.
I mean come on, she was making out with a guy at a dance, you gave her another chance yet she carries on talking to him and seeing him, despite you vocally airing your problems with this. She knows that talking to him upsets you, yet she does it anyway - she is actively doing something to hurt you, she is purposefully making you unhappy.
I dont think this girl knows what love is to be honest, she will like having you around because you are stable and dependable and she thinks you will always stick around regardless of what she does. But she is clearly trying to get closer to the other guy too, actively setting out to go against your wishes and disrespect you in every way she can.
I know you dont want to break up with her, but unless you put your foot down with her and follow through on any threats, then she will carry on taking the piss. You need to tell her that under no circumstances will you put up with her seeing him or talking to him, tell her that when she made out with him it was CHEATING and that has hurt you so much, she lied to you saying he was a friend when that clearly is not the case. Tell her that if she does carry on speaking to him and seeing him then it is over - make sure it is 100% crystal clear.
If she still carries on seeing him and talking to him, then she basically has chosen him over you - and that should be crystal clear to you that she does not love you. Someone that loves you would not deliberately hurt you, they wouldnt do something that they know is going to upset you - so if she is willing to hurt you and doesnt care about the consequences, then what is the point in staying with someone who doesnt love you or respect you?
You are young and I know how hard it is to break up with your first love, but you cant let her walk all over you either. There will be plenty more girls you will meet in your life that would never dream of treating you so badly, you sound like a lovely guy and deserve a lot better than this.
Dont put up with it!
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A
female
reader, neomum +, writes (24 January 2013):
Good on you by being a nice guy but I think you should leave her as she's playing games with you and this other lad too. Enjoy your life being single as it seems that you have a great future ahead of you if stay with the military.
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