A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Is he thinking marriage? He's constantly is talk our future hes slipped and called me wife he refers to my daughter as his he's called my mom MIL and said he might as well call her that.We've talked about it a few times and no i didn't bring it up, he did.My daughter asked a few times Are you going to marry my mommy soon? He says well you will be the first one to know ...when it happens.I have a ring that looks like an engagement ring its fake bought it wal-mart for 8 dollars and i dont wear it on the ring finger.He calls it the engagement ring that he didnt give me and quickly said, no you will not get one from me ...which doesn't bother me honestly ...It's like he's going back n forth with it im confused and im really not concerned with it just curious if thats what hes thinking Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2013): "It's like he's going back n forth with it im confused and im really not concerned with it just curious if thats what hes thinking"He's not confused at all. He's stringing you along leading you to believe he intends to propose so he can enjoy all the benefits of marriage (regular and frequent sex) without any of the responsibilities (obligation and commitment) while maintaining the freedom to walk away at any instant. Forgive my snobbishness, but I would be highly insulted and offended if presented with an eight-dollar WalMart non-engagement ring. To me that says everything I need to know about what he considers the value of your so-called relationship, and it is not flattering in the least. If he's not going to propose, then in the meantime he can at least cough up a diamond necklace in lieu of an engagement ring.Whether or not baby daddy is in the picture, I would disabuse current boyfriend of the notion that he is some sort of surrogate father (step, faux, implied or otherwise) to your daughter absent a legal relationship (marriage, blood or adoption). At this time he is merely the man with whom her Mommy is currently sleeping and as such there is no guarantee he will remain anything more than a transient figure in her life who could vanish tomorrow without any further contact. Sorry, but you are letting him set a terrible example for your daughter by treating marriage so casually while playing house in front of her. Given no mention of your daughter's father or maternal grandfather, I can only assume she has had no active, involved, strong male model present in her life and if she isn't taught otherwise, then she will learn by example that casual sex, out-of-wedlock children, single parenting and shacking up with no prospect of marriage are normal and expected behaviors, and if boyfriend sticks around then within a few short years he'll be referring to your live-in grandchild as his.
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