A
female
age
30-35,
*ccmal6
writes:So I'll try to make this short, I have been dating this guy for about a year and a half and we have had a tough time, there hasn't been any cheating as far as I know, except the one time about six months ago I caught him exchanging naked pics with girls. This was a shock to me and I wanted to end it there but tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. Throughout the past six months I have caught him trying to "sext" with an old ex of his, he told me that she had sent him naked pics and was telling him to come to a hotel and have his way with her. He told me this thinking that he was being good and truthful. Well, after this all happened and I sayer for another month I just got to the point that I was done, I no longer felt beautiful around him, and he wasn't meeting my needs. After a stupid argument one night I told him I was done and that it was over. He continued to call me names and degrade me as a human being and so for three weeks I didn't want to answer his phone calls, and so most of them I didn't. Well then he started saying how he loves me so much and everything and how he was going to do something to himself if I didn't come see him. So one night I gave in and went to see him, and then I went again the next night, well we ended up having unprotected sex and I ended up leaving after an argument because again he takes no responsibility for anything. So the next day he's calling me telling me that I had slept with other people and he knows it and has proof, and after a couple days of fighting he tells me that I gave him an std. Now, I got checked after him and I started sleeping together and I was perfectly clean, I have blood and everything. These past three weeks I have been so depressed over the break up that I haven't even came close to having sex of any kind with anyone. So I told him that there is no way, he's the only person I've been with the past year and a half, and he keeps blaming me. So me being determined to prove to him I am telling the truth I tell him I will go get tested and that I want us both to take a lie detector test. He tells me he doesn't want me to get tested and that I just need the medicine and that he doesn't have any money to get a lie detector test (keep in mind, he makes $80,000 a year). So I tell him no I'm getting tested and then we are taking a lie test and that I will pay for the lie tests for us. He then says well if we aren't going to work out anyways then why take the test?! I know I am telling the truth and I am getting so irritated with this because I have a gut feeling he messed around and he's trying to blame me. What should I do?? Should I just say forget him and move on?? How do I get him to just tell me the truth?? Also I went to get tested for an std today, I get my results tomorrow, I hope I'm negative because then he won't have anyone to blame but himself. This situation is driving me crazy! If he had already moved on so fast to have unprotected sex with someone then why did he beg for me back? Why does he claim he loves me?? I just don't know what my next move is, I just want to know what really happened but I never see him being honest.
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depressed, money, move on, nude pictures, std, unprotected sex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (24 January 2013):
 This is 'way too much drama.... and no "relationship" is worth this level of vitriole and anguish....
Dump him... get yourself tested, AGAIN!, to be sure that you haven't contracted anything that needs treatment (or CAN'T be treated!!!!)..... then get on with your life... with this cad in your rear-view mirror.....
Good luck....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2013): If he is saying you dont need a test just take the medicine, then he knows something you dont know and he is trying to turn it around on you!If you do test positive for something you will KNOW he has been sleeping with others and wont need a lie detector test. I would save your money there and assume he has been sleeping with others whether you test positive or not because he is obviously worried about something, so probably hasnt been keeping himself to himself! Setting aside the concern about him sleeping with others. He was not meeting your needs. He was sending inappropriate pictures to other women and draining your confidence. Manipulating you into seeing him again, being abusive when it didnt turn out how he wanted AND accusing you of sleeping around and giving him an infection, while the reality is, he has been putting your health at risk. Dont worry about lie detector tests, save your money and dump this person because he is a mess and will just drag you down to his level.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 January 2013):
 He's not going to tell the truth.
You need to dump his lying cheating butt.
he begged you to come back so he has a saftey net to fall into when he can't find anyone else.
He claims he loves you because that's what he's supposed to say to get you back. MEN THAT LOVE YOU DON'T SEXT with other women. MEN THAT LOVE YOU DON'T ACCUSE YOU of CHEATING.
What really happened is that you picked a rotten egg. It happens to the best of us. DO NOT blame yourself. Do not pick on yourself.
USE this as a learning situation and grow from it and move on.
Next time a man exchanges naked pics with other women, that's your cue to end it.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (24 January 2013):
 Sorry to read this.
You don't need to do a lie detector test with him. You already know you haven't cheated and it's not you that gave him an STD.
I know you want to prove a point with him, but he's not worth your energy (or money).
I hope your test results come back clean and he hasn't given you anything.
This time, cut him off for good - no contact whatsoever. He's not going to tell you the truth, so I think you should stop trying to get it out of him. He sounds like a manipulator, and he somehow manages to convince you that his version of loving is OK.
Maybe he believes he loves you, maybe he just enjoys the chase or he doesn't want to think of you with another man. Either way, his actions and words are far from loving. You deserve better. You should trust your gut feeling - he didn't get the STD from nowhere!
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2013): "What should I do??"
You SHOULD dump him. He's a lying, cheating, controlling, verbally abusive who always finds a way to blame you for scumbag his transgressions. Sadly, I suspect you WILL let him weasel his way back into your affections by telling you he loves you, that he'll change for you and every other BS line you so desperately want to hear.
"Should I just say forget him and move on??"
Yes, you SHOULD forget him but I doubt you WILL.
"How do I get him to just tell me the truth??"
You are asking the impossible, you can't "get him" to do anything he would not be inclined to do otherwise, in this case tell the truth.
"Also I went to get tested for an std today, I get my results tomorrow, I hope I'm negative because then he won't have anyone to blame but himself."
He'll still find a way to blame you, probably by accusing you of driving him into the arms of another woman.
"This situation is driving me crazy! If he had already moved on so fast to have unprotected sex with someone then why did he beg for me back?"
Because he's a lying, cheating, controlling, verbally abusive scumbag who is also a charming, manipulative con artist and so he knows exactly what to say in order to get you right back under his thumb, which is exactly where he wants you to stay. He knows how to bypass your brains and backbone by shamelessly playing to your emotions, ego and vanity.
"Why does he claim he loves me??"
Because that's what you want to hear. If he told you that he just wants to string you along while using you for sex while he bangs other women on the side because he has absolutely zero respect for you and takes sadistic pleasure in walking all over you, then you might stop sleeping with him.
Sorry, but the only reason he treats you with such contempt is because you let him. Men can't disrespect women who respect themselves. His claiming that you gave him an STD isn't about trust, it's about control and by getting tested and offering to take a lie detector you are playing right into his sick, twisted hands. If you stay with him, then you will be proving your fidelity to him until doomsday while he flagrantly cheats on you.
His behavior is straight out of the Manipulating Controlling Male 101 textbook. You are in a controlling, verbally abusive, potentially physically abusive relationship with a charming, manipulative, borderline sociopath who knows what buttons to push and what strings to pull to coerce you into bending to his will.
I respectfully but firmly suggest you seek counselling to get the help, support and information you need to understand the tactics he's using against you in order to make a clean, final and safe break from him.
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A
female
reader, neomum +, writes (24 January 2013):
This guy is a rat and its clear he has been cheating as hes blaming you for his cheating. I have know a few men and women too that have done the same thing that your ex has been doing and blaming the innocent party for giving an std. Get yourself tested and delete all his messages and ignore everything he does and says and find yourself a nice lad that will treat you like a princess.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (24 January 2013):
 Why are you still with him and why are you even considering getting back. He is unfaithful and a liar. Do you want to wait around till he gives you a disease that is a death sentence. You have your answer, he does not want to take a lie detector test becausing he has been sleeping with other woman.
You need to move on, dont look back and dont fall for his threats. Look after yourself because he certainly not looking after your interest and health.
You know the truth, if you choose to stay with him , then you have no one to blame but yourself.
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